[CantExplain]

Did it make the relationship stronger? In what way?
Did you learn anything? Did T?

[Leah123]

We have had a few ruptures, and I'm willing to share some details and what I got out of it, because I do think they were good learning experiences, and sometimes very healing, but would you mind to give me an example of how you define rupture- like an example of something you'd call a rupture? I don't know if rupture to one person means the same to another, wanna make sure I understand.

[CantExplain]

I mean finding therapy too painful, stopping, and then changing your mind and going back.

[Leah123]

Thanks Well, I never left my current therapist for long, but I did refuse to speak with her for a while and seriously considered quitting after she said something shocking, hurtful, and deeply disturbing about how my childhood abuse was playing out in my marriage. She was wrong and she was insensitive in her comments. This came at a time when I was feeling extremely vulnerable for being so honest with her that I felt deeply injured and upset for a long while. I spent days wanting to be dead because of the painful reverberations of her comments in my psyche... don't really feel like recounting the details, yuck. I lost a great deal of my trust in her, it was hanging by a thread and took weeks to fully rebuild. Even still, perhaps... 9 months later, it's something I will not forget. We fought our way through the impact of that session for several sessions afterward.

What I gained from that difficult experience was some invaluable knowledge about both of us.

I learned that she had strong opinions, but that she had stronger integrity. Though she mistakenly felt justified in her statement initially, she recanted when she realized that what she had done was not healing, and was off base. As time passed, and I was able to explain it more calmly, she understood and appreciated my perspective.

I learned that she had humility, didn't see her opinion as authoritative, that she was willing to let me be the authority on me.

I learned that she felt deeply that what she said was for my benefit, and she stood by her actions, that she was willing to say something hard to help me, even though that particular example didn't fit.

I learned that while the fact of her statement was incorrect, I was more deeply impacted by the abuse than I realized, that I had work to do, that just her words could disturb me SO deeply. I learned that even when I felt completely hopeless about a rupture, that amazingly, we could still come to a place of peace.

That was, as I said, probably 8-9 months ago, and our relationship now is very strong. We have had other ruptures, but having worked through that horrendous one and a couple others, I typically feel much more comfortable in the relationship, knowing she truly does have my best interests at heart, is willing to apologize, willing to take all the time necessary for us to understand each other, and to do her best to make therapy a safe place.

I guess I also learned a little something about hope, that even when I "knew" it was impossible to fix a horrible misunderstanding, if the other person was invested... it wasn't.

I had prior therapists, long ago, but those terminations were due either to circumstances like relocation, betrayal too great to forgive, or a bad fit, so... no relevant ruptures per se in those.

[Raging Quiet]

I felt angry, upset and found myself replaying sessions over again. I also had a feeling of terror returning.

[HazelGirl]

During the rupture: scared, angry, like my T was distant, misunderstood, ignored

After we talked about it and resolved it: relieved, comforted, understood, seen, heard, and definitely closer to my T

[Asiablue]

When me and T have had a rupture i've felt betrayed, i feel very distant from her all of a sudden, like she's a stranger. I also feel absolute terror. My emotions and thoughts go into complete disarray.

The ruptures have left hairline fractures because they are fairly new still but i learned that she's willing to own up to her mistakes, she's willing to stick in there and keep trying to reconnect to me. That's what's helped me to go back to her each time. I don't know if it's made us stronger but it hasn't made us weaker. I think it gives us both important information about each other, and that in turn has given us confidence in each other.

[HealingTimes]

I have felt anger, really more like rage. At her, at myself, at the situation we have been in, but most of all at myself.

Once I returned to therapy I felt understood, validated, comforted and a tiny bit embarrassed at my own behaviour.

[growlycat]

If T and I have a rupture and don't repair it, it all just surfaces again.

BUT when we do resolve it, I end up feeling deeply understood and cared for. Usually, for me, ruptures are about my not understanding what T means, and I end up seeing his words or actions as hurtful, like my family growing up.

[stopdog]

Like an idiot for having tried.

I don't really consider that they have ever been resolved or repaired. Never would I say I felt heard or understood by the therapist. I have been actively mocked by the woman. I would say that the therapist and I simply accept the situation surrounding the conflict is an area we no longer go to.
The one partial exception is over her dog. And, while she broke the promise she made over the dog, she did let me know ahead of time the dog would be at her office, and so I cancelled. But even then she said she thought that because of time, my stance on the dog had softened and did not understand why I am not going if the dog is there. And then she tried to tell me I was wrong about the initial incident, when I still have what she said about it initially in a message she sent to me. So initially she apologized over the dog for being so distracted and then later tried to say she had not been. Luckily for me I had kept the evidence.

When these happened with old t, i felt...hm... Invalidated, dismissed. Abandoned, sad, guilty, like i was doing everything wrong, lost, afraid, and a little mad.

I had one rupture with current T. During the rupture I felt wretched and lost for about 3 days, I can't tell you how many times I would think about it and start crying, until I swallowed my pride and very humbly called her and said almost whispering it was so hard to talk that I know I have no right to ask but could we please talk one more time.... she was so gracious and said of course you have the right to ask, you always have the right to ask and she said that our relationship had been damaged, yes, but not destroyed and that it could be repaired, and when we did talk again we both owned our parts in the rupture and we were able to repair the damage by sharing our feelings about what happened. I think our therapy relationship has gotten stronger as a result, mostly because of that humbling phone call I made to her - I knew I had acted horribly and owning that, and apologizing, fully knowing she would have been in her rights to refuse to talk to me anymore, grew me up a bunch. She taught me a lot about graciousness that day.

I felt/feel devastated. The rupture ruined our relationship. I learned I was betrayed in the worst way possible after having trusted someone I believed in. I found out that others betrayed me too. I found out that many relationships I had were based on false pretense. I found out my T and others were capable of lying to me repeatedly without any remorse. I learned to question the loyalty of those closest to me and to be wary of trusting them as well (I don't know how many were in on the conspiracy to trick me). I don't believe my T learned anything from it because he refused to face me with the truth. He will never be honest. He never believed in me. Oh, he may have learned that I'm not as stupid as he thought.

[nottrustin]

I don't believe T and I have had a rupture. I had to research it because it is talked about so often. Shortly before starting to see I was dealing with something my PCP said. I absolutely loved my PCP (she is not longer practicing). She treated our whole family so she saw me frequently with my 2 ADHD sons. For whatever reason my boys get hyper and had a hard time listening at the doctors office (probably anxiety). Anyway, one day when I was there for my appointment she said something along the lines of no wonder you are stressed you have 2 boys with behavior problems. I was angry because I felt like she was saying my boys were bad boys. They have ADHD but they are wonderful boys. As teens nobody realizes they have it. We have worked hard to ensure that my boys know that even though they have the diagnosis it does not mean they can misbehave. So to hear her say my boys were a behavioral problem caused me to feel like I was not a good enough mother and therefore I had bad boys.

I never said anything to PCP as I avoid conflict. However, I did bring it up to T and we discussed it quite a bit. I knew she new PCP as they had worked together for many year in the past. She told me about it being strictly confidential. She reminded me that ADHD falls under the category of behavioral medicine. She also made a note to remember words are very important with me so if she says something that bothers me that bad to discuss it with her.