For some time now, I haven't really had much to work on in my sessions as I've been kind of in maintenance mode. However, I'm seeing my therapist tomorrow, and for a change I actually have something very specific on my mind.

One of my diagnoses is PTSD, but I haven't had any issues/symptoms in ages. Last weekend, however, I had a flashback out of the blue that disturbs me.

I'm going to need to process this with my therapist because it's stuck in my head and I'm bothered that this has crept in again. I also am concerned that this might indicate future PTSD issues again and I really don't want to go there.

The topic is an uncomfortable one and it will be hard to talk about, not because I'm afraid or embarassed to talk about sexual abuse and sexual issues. We've done that many times before. It's just the discomfort in rehashing the details. I tend to have strong anxiety reactions and dissociate in the process, and I just hate to go there. It's not a nice place.

Anyway, just getting this out of my head so I can sit down and relax a bit. Out of my head and into yours.

so sorry that you had a flashback you cant shake... Its so good to be willing to just bring it up even though you are wary....you have always been courageous!

[HazelGirl]

Have you ever tried to deal with your PTSD head-on before? It sounds like you might have. If so, then you know that you eventually do come out on the other side alive and better for it. It sucks, but it's good for you.

If you haven't, this may only be the beginning.

[Asiablue]

That sounds horrible, i'm sorry this has popped up for you, but you have a great therapist and i have every confidence you can get thru this with his help.

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

Have you ever tried to deal with your PTSD head-on before? It sounds like you might have. If so, then you know that you eventually do come out on the other side alive and better for it. It sucks, but it's good for you.

If you haven't, this may only be the beginning.

Heh, heh, heh. I've been in therapy for about 10 years with this T. I've worked through the whole shebang. It has just reared its ugly head hopefully (most likely) temporarily.

Originally Posted by Readytostop

so sorry that you had a flashback you cant shake... Its so good to be willing to just bring it up even though you are wary....you have always been courageous!

I don't know about courageous, but I know well enough to not let it fester. As hard as this will be, it is still better and healthier than stewing about it. T will walk me through it and I'll be purged of the rumination. Not easy, but necessary.

[feralkittymom]

Chris, for me these episodes were more like flashes of flashbacks, if that makes sense. Each one was less powerful than the one before. And they were isolated incidents: there's no reason to think this is the start of any sort of spiral. I came to think of it as neurons firing before they burn out--like shooting stars. Discrete events. Picturing them in that way helped me.

I wouldn't call this one less powerful. It was as intense as they always were, but I do agree that this is probably an isolated event (hopefully). I don't expect this will send me into a spiral, but I do know I'm going to have to work through this one with my therapist as it directly impacts my life here and now.

I see him late this afternoon and I'm sure I'll come out the session with some of this sorted out. It will be a tough session though.

As expected, it was a tough session. Had to leave before we were anywhere near done processing. He'll be getting a call today to touch base and put a (temporary) lid on it for the time being. I need to set this aside until we meet again, which won't be for a couple weeks. We can pull it back out then. There are definitely some causal factors I need to work through, but it is going to take his guidance.

Do you see therapy as something you will always need to deal with these things as they come up? Or do you think eventually you'll be ok without it? You seem so strong and sensible and logical about all this. And brave. I admire you a lot.

Originally Posted by puzzle_bug1987

Do you see therapy as something you will always need to deal with these things as they come up? Or do you think eventually you'll be ok without it? You seem so strong and sensible and logical about all this. And brave. I admire you a lot.

Thank you. I suspect I will probably always need a therapist of some sort, mainly for the bipolar end of my issues. That just doesn't go away. My old abuse issues generally stay in the past anymore. This is the first time in ages (literally years) that something of this intensity has come up concerning my abuse. He helps me figure out where the heck this is coming from so I can get past it fairly quickly without to much residual damage. Having a therapist to work through those moments is pretty vital to me. I don't really have terribly regular sessions anymore; they are more on an as needed basis. This is one of those as needed moments.

T called me today because he had an opening come up and knew we left things very much hanging in air Wednesday. Still a difficult session dealing with everything from my abuse to my family's reaction to it to where this all fits in now.

He's concerned about the ruminating images that are so disturbing right now and would like me to call my pdoc. I have a med he prescribed for racing thoughts that I'll start up this weekend and see if that helps. If not, I'll call on Monday.

He hates to see me struggling like this and of course told me to call over the weekend if I need to. I literally became ill after I left. Fortunately it only lasted a few hours.

I hate that this has reared its ugly head again. T believes until I talk to a few people and let them know how their actions hurt me I will harbor this supressed anger and this will keep happening from time to time. That's definitely not going to happen. I won't go there. He's probably right, but that is something I won't do.

That sounds hard.

My therapist basically ended therapy with me because I refused to talk to my husband about some things. It was just NOT something that I could do and I just could not go there. I just don't think if was right for my therapist to refuse to see me if I wouldn't/couldn't do this.

Originally Posted by puzzle_bug1987

That sounds hard.

My therapist basically ended therapy with me because I refused to talk to my husband about some things. It was just NOT something that I could do and I just could not go there. I just don't think if was right for my therapist to refuse to see me if I wouldn't/couldn't do this.

Mine would never do that. He understands my reasons and they are legitimate, but he does contend that the consequence will be continued problems. It's a bit of a between a rock and a hard place situation. Neither option is going to be problem free.

I thought my therapist understood and he had told me many times he would never put me in that position. I'm not sure why he ended up doing so.

There would have been horrible consequences.

I am so glad you have a good, ethical therapist and you can count on him for support and that you trust him. I can tell it helps you so much.

[Patsy Cline]

I'm sorry to hear you've been plagued by these flashbacks once again. I wish you the best.
How has it been going with the a fetzima?

[LaborIntensive]

What is Fetzima?

Fetzima (levomilnacipran) is a selective serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor antidepressant (SNRI). Levomilnacipran affects chemicals in the brain that may become unbalanced and cause depression.
Fetzima is used to treat major depressive disorder.
A similar medicine called milnacipran (Savella) is used to treat a chronic pain disorder called fibromyalgia. Fetzima should not be used to treat fibromyalgia.
Fetzima may also be used for purposes not listed in this medication guide.

more: Fetzima Information from Drugs.com

Originally Posted by LaborIntensive

What is Fetzima?

Fetzima (levomilnacipran) is a selective serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor antidepressant (SNRI). Levomilnacipran affects chemicals in the brain that may become unbalanced and cause depression.
Fetzima is used to treat major depressive disorder.
A similar medicine called milnacipran (Savella) is used to treat a chronic pain disorder called fibromyalgia. Fetzima should not be used to treat fibromyalgia.
Fetzima may also be used for purposes not listed in this medication guide.

more: Fetzima Information from Drugs.com

I'm assuming this is a recommendation? I'm on it, but thank you.

[Outcast_of_RGaol]

Originally Posted by 1914sierra

For some time now, I haven't really had much to work on in my sessions as I've been kind of in maintenance mode. However, I'm seeing my therapist tomorrow, and for a change I actually have something very specific on my mind.

One of my diagnoses is PTSD, but I haven't had any issues/symptoms in ages. Last weekend, however, I had a flashback out of the blue that disturbs me.

I'm going to need to process this with my therapist because it's stuck in my head and I'm bothered that this has crept in again. I also am concerned that this might indicate future PTSD issues again and I really don't want to go there.

The topic is an uncomfortable one and it will be hard to talk about, not because I'm afraid or embarassed to talk about sexual abuse and sexual issues. We've done that many times before. It's just the discomfort in rehashing the details. I tend to have strong anxiety reactions and dissociate in the process, and I just hate to go there. It's not a nice place.

Anyway, just getting this out of my head so I can sit down and relax a bit. Out of my head and into yours.

And yet, with all the past trauma, a small but brave man steps up to bat.
Whether it's a home-run or strike-out... I'm proud of ya'!
Stand strong.

Originally Posted by Outcast_of_RGaol

And yet, with all the past trauma, a small but brave man steps up to bat.
Whether it's a home-run or strike-out... I'm proud of ya'!
Stand strong.

I'm doing better after processing it more with my T. Thanks for the kudos.