[OneWorld]

My T said in session that she was reading something this week and it made her think of me and the work we are doing. It made me feel awkward that our relationship doesn't stay inside the therapy room but it kinda made it feel a little more human too. How would that make you feel? Has your T said anything like that?

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[AllyIsHopeful]

My T says it all the time. She told me last month that I'm on her mind a lot. It was strange to hear that because I didn't think she would think of me "often" but not shocking because she has mentioned it so many different times before. It feels good to me because I believe that her care is genuine...If it wasn't, I'd be the last thought on her mind? I don't know, that's how I see it.

The times I felt a bit uncomfortable (out of wanting to protect myself from "therapist abuse, reading many horror stories) was when she says "I was going to call you/text you, but I stopped myself and decided to wait until I saw you".

-Ally

My T has said that before, it made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside that she thought about me.

[AmysJourney]

My T tells me this all the time. She sometimes leaves voicemail messages saying "I am thinking of you a lot today and I just want you to know that." I think it's normal that therapists think of their clients outside the therapy room, I am sure every therapist does. We are parts of their lives, even if we pay to be. And our stories stay with them way beyond the hourly sessions. It's good for me to know that my therapist thinks about me, it means there is a sincere connection.

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[nottrustin]

My says it frequently. She has told me things like she occasionally goes to conferences and uses me as an example (using confidentiality of course) as there are things very unique about me and my "case:. She also says that I say things that make her really think and will use some of it when to other clients (again confidentially)....

[Crescent Moon]

Originally Posted by OneWorld

My T said in session that she was reading something this week and t made her think of me and the work we are doing. It made me feel awkward that our relationship doesn't stay inside the therapy room but it kinda made it feel a little more human too. How would that make you feel? Has your T said anything like that?

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Yes! A number of times. It always made me feel warmed. We've never had a discussion about it. But most of us struggle with a sense of whether we are "just a job" for our therapists, or if their hearts are 'in' it. When my therapist has said something that let me know that she thought about me during the week, away from session, it let me know that she carries me in her heart - at least in a small way. You can pay a therapist for their time, but there is no way to "buy" their care. If she's thinking about me outside of session, that tells me she cares.

[OneWorld]

Is it weird that it makes me feel weird a little? I also feel weird when she says my name in the session. Like it makes it too personal. Maybe I'm just weird. Lol

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[tametc]

Originally Posted by OneWorld

Is it weird that it makes me feel weird a little? I also feel weird when she says my name in the session. Like it makes it too personal. Maybe I'm just weird. Lol

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My former T used to tell me when he thought about me outside of session. He was very professional, and never crossed boundaries or made me uncomfortable. As an example, once, I emailed him a link to an article that talked about an archeological find in Israel, of a 2,000-plus-year-old earring. He wrote back and said something like, "Yes, I saw that article and thought, think of what you could find!" He knew of my interest in jewelry history and identification. He also shared excerpts from fiction books and articles that he thought would help me to get a different perspective on aspects of myself.

It would take me aback a bit whenever he used my name in session. I think it's like you said, it made it feel more personal. It took me a long time to accept that this kind, skilled professional was actually warm, caring, and personal, and yet safe. Hope you can relax and enjoy the very healing relationship that's developed.

[Leah123]

One of the most deeply touching things my therapist ever did was in the wake of a horrid rupture on the day before Thanksgiving. We ended a session late Wednesday on a terribly discordant note. On Friday morning, she told me she'd been thinking about what happened on Thanksgiving and that day she had created a new plan to meet my needs.

I was surprised by her devotion, that she would spare time on the holiday for me, to help me.

She has mentioned in passing other times as well that she was thinking of me. It helps me know our relationship exists consistently, not just during session but other times too.

[Crescent Moon]

Originally Posted by OneWorld

Is it weird that it makes me feel weird a little? I also feel weird when she says my name in the session. Like it makes it too personal. Maybe I'm just weird. Lol

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"Weird" isn't the best way to look at it. Feeling weird when you find out she thinks of you outside of session, and feeling weird when she calls you by name in session makes me wonder if you struggle with attachment/emotional intimacy issues. I know I sure did. I think the absolute best thing you can do is tell you therapist.. sort of like: "I've had some reactions and I'm wondering if they are weird or something... like I feel awkward when you say my name, and when you told me you thought of me outside of session. I don't know what it means, but I wanted to tell you about it." Since she's working with you and knows about some of what's going on with you, she will probably help you explore why you have that reaction.

I don't know how long you've been in therapy, but that kind of conversation can really jump start the 'good stuff.'

[unaluna]

This is making me a little teary. Yes it is weird. As in its not how its supposed to be. Other people ARE thought about. Just. Not. Us. But we are now. It was also weird for me when my t said it. I felt like i needed to apologize. Now i think the more i use him, the more i take from him, the happier it would make him.

[Crescent Moon]

Originally Posted by hankster

This is making me a little teary. Yes it is weird. As in its not how its supposed to be. Other people ARE thought about. Just. Not. Us. But we are now. It was also weird for me when my t said it. I felt like i needed to apologize. Now i think the more i use him, the more i take from him, the happier it would make him.

That is beautiful, Hankster, just beautiful.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by Crescent Moon

That is beautiful, Hankster, just beautiful.

Thanks. I like your post too. Very thoughtfully written. Isnt it funny how we have these exact same moments in t? I wouldnt have thought to have posted about this when it first happened to me, and probably it happened before i joined here, but now it jumped off the screen at me and brought up all the old feelings of when it happened.

[Lauliza]

My female T has said multiple times that she's thought of me outside of session. It actually has never phased me, but our rapport is casual, girlfriend like. Not that we are friends but that's how the dynamic feels in session. Now if my male pdoc told me he thought of me outside of session then it would be very different. I am 100% positive he is aware of that, so even if he has thought of me I know he would never tell me so. But from my female T, it seems natural.

[OneWorld]

Thanks for the replies. It sometimes feels like I must be the only person that feels a certain way. Though I know in my head it isn't true, it can feel that way. In that sense, it makes therapy feel isolating sometimes because I'm certain I'm the strangest person she has to listen to!

Yes, I think I have some attachment/emotional intimacy issues. I already kinda knew it but it was confirmed with those attachment quizzes someone posted!

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[likelife]

I read somewhere that secure attachment is related to feeling held in the other's mind and heart. My T has mentioned on several occasions when she's thought of me outside of sessions, and I think it's really helped me to feel more securely attached with her (among other things).

I wonder if the "weird" feeling is related to subconsciously thinking of your T as only existing in the room. Kind of like how young students think their teachers live at school, to think of them outside that context feels discordant.

Or maybe it's also hard for you to hold your T in your mind and heart, and it's therefore difficult to imagine he would do the same.

[OneWorld]

Originally Posted by hankster

Other people ARE thought about. Just. Not. Us. But we are now.

Yes. I know that people think about people in their lives. Teachers think about students, people think about coworkers, etc. but it feels so strange to be thought of rather than being the one doing the thinking. When she looks at me in the session and I know she is really looking at me or watching me, I want to melt into the background and be invisible.

The more I think about it, the more I realize that I really should tell her.

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[Crescent Moon]

Originally Posted by OneWorld

Thanks for the replies. It sometimes feels like I must be the only person that feels a certain way. Though I know in my head it isn't true, it can feel that way. In that sense, it makes therapy feel isolating sometimes because I'm certain I'm the strangest person she has to listen to!

Yes, I think I have some attachment/emotional intimacy issues. I already kinda knew it but it was confirmed with those attachment quizzes someone posted!

Trust me, it can be scary to let yourself 'go there,' but if you've got a good therapist who knows what she's doing, the therapeutic relationship is the best and safest place to work through that attachment/intimacy stuff. I am so glad my therapist coaxed me down that road (or maybe it's more truthful to say she dragged me kicking and screaming )

[tametc]

Originally Posted by likelife

I read somewhere that secure attachment is related to feeling held in the other's mind and heart.

This made me tear up. Exactly how I felt with my former T, and he was brave enough to acknowledge it in a safe way. Thank you.

[AllyIsHopeful]

Originally Posted by OneWorld

Is it weird that it makes me feel weird a little? I also feel weird when she says my name in the session. Like it makes it too personal. Maybe I'm just weird. Lol

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Oh gosh I hate this too! My T uses my name SO much and sometimes in third person so it's extra weird. And everyone in my life has always called me my nickname, but she uses my full name. I connect my full name with being in trouble!

-Ally

It happened once to me - my T told me that he had watched a film I told him about, which had made a huge emotional impact on me when I saw it. (It wasn't a current movie so he would have had to buy it or rent it on DVD or something, in order to watch it.) It was very unexpected and it certainly felt weird, but also really good. I would not have expected him to think about me outside my sessions, unless provoked to do so by a message from me. I don't think he does so usually, but it was kind of neat that he did it then.

[ScrewedUpMe]

My T also says that often too. And I love it! I love to think that I come up in her thoughts, it makes me feel like I'm more than just a job to her.

My favorite story along this line was that he was standing in the middle of a river in Arkansas fly fishing when suddenly he had a great insight about me. I always knew fishing was boring.

[Crescent Moon]

Originally Posted by tametc

This made me tear up. Exactly how I felt with my former T, and he was brave enough to acknowledge it in a safe way. Thank you.

My therapist has always said that getting through the painful things that you have to work through in therapy only really happens when you feel 'held by the therapeutic relationship.'

[OneWorld]

Originally Posted by Crescent Moon

My therapist has always said that getting through the painful things that you have to work through in therapy only really happens when you feel 'held by the therapeutic relationship.'

Well that sucks. lol What if you don't want to feel held by the relationship and you just want to fix your **** instead?! Bummer.