[Favorite Jeans]

I have almost no memory of my session last week. I remember going in, having trouble articulating what I wanted to say and feeling really frustrated and upset. But that's kind of it. I do not remember what I was trying to talk about, I don't remember what T said about it, I just kind of have this heavy, sad feeling about the whole thing. It almost has a dreamlike quality about it--like little tendrils of smoke that I'm trying to grasp. I also remember wanting more than anything to put my head down and go to sleep on her couch.

Yesterday I had therapy again and felt this unusually intense horrible foreboding before my appointment. I had to go splash my face in bathroom and try to quell this nausea and panic before going in to see her. We talked about the anxiety and the fact that I couldn't remember last session for awhile and that was okay enough but what I wanted more than anything was for her to tell me what happened last time. I didn't ask her directly because I can be weird like that in therapy. I have a super clear need that I may or may not be conscious of and I then want T to guess what I need so I don't have to ask and risk being disappointed. My T is lovely and skilled in many ways but is decidedly mediocre at the whole psychic mind-reading thing which really sucks for me. (She doesn't have a magic wand or a crystal ball either and sometimes I feel that for what I'm paying she could give a little more than just empathy and insight. Ya know?)

So she brought up something that we'd talked about a few sessions ago and I was totally relieved to have something to grab onto. It wasn't the easiest subject but it's something we've talked about from lots of angles before and it's not the most pukey/anxious/shameful thing for me so I felt comfortable enough running with it.

Then I left and I felt upset and hugely disappointed that she hadn't remembered (I assume) what had happened in the previous session. Also I wished I'd asked her flat-out. I feel this odd, detached, kind of "not real" sense about the whole thing and wanted her to fix that for me.

This happened one other time that I can remember (almost 2 years ago) and it played out much the same way. The first time was actually so intense that I found myself lying on a park bench fifteen minutes after therapy had ended and wasn't really sure how I'd gotten there.

Has that kind if thing ever happened to you guys? Did your T fill in the blanks for you? Why does that happen?

I doubt that she didn't remember what happened last session. More likely, she went to the subject she did because she felt you needed a safe session this round. I know my T will often do that after a particularly intense session; the next one will be a bit safer so I can stay more grounded.

You are right though. If you want your T to fill in the blanks, you have to ask for what you need. She may or may not have been aware of exactly how your experience was for you internally, and the only way to communicate that experience to her is to actually talk about it.

[AmysJourney]

I had this LOTS of times. Especially when we talk about a certain topic that I just can't seem to get past. I blank out, I dissociate, I am not present I have total memory loss.
My T is usually really good at telling me what happened. She said I get that "look" on my face and she can't tell if I am listening or if I am miles away. Even if I talk, my mind wanders off. My T knows this is a form of dissociation. When I am restless about it, I ask her and she tells me quite detailed what happened or what we talked about. She says: "It always happens when we scratch the surface of X" but she still brings it up whenever she thinks it's appropriate.

[tealBumblebee]

It sounds like last weeks session was just very emotionally daunting for you; is it possible you were talking about some heavy things?

I also think that it is not unusual but very good that you recognize that you have a need that you don't always point out needs to be fulfilled. Perhaps that could be something to mention to her and try to work on? I've had to come to terms that my T doesn't have a crystal ball either (sucks doesn't it) but it does help you in the long run, with other relationships, to be more aware that other people can not always read our minds (probably even less than T).

Maybe she brought up the older session topic because she realized that per your reaction, you maybe weren't quite ready to address those subjects that were broached before.

I have had multiple sessions in which I can not remember things that we have discussed or but maybe two sentences from the whole session. Sometimes I remember actions (sigh, her looking to the left) but I have no idea what that means. T knows this and will sometimes question me on just how much I remember.

I bet she did actually remember the subject and just thought that maybe when you were ready she would try again. My T never really fills in the blanks when I forget things, just kind of goes "You don't remember any of that?" *nods* and moves on to the next topic. I've remembered a lot more lately and she says it's because i'm in a "good place". Is it possible that you, like me, kind of shut down emotionally when things become overwhelming?

[HazelGirl]

It sounds like you dissociated severely, and she was avoiding the topic to make sure it didn't happen again.

[Asiablue]

This happens to me alllll the time. It is dissociation apparently, and i experience similar things to you like the sleepiness, heaviness, i get all warm and insular and talking takes a lot of effort. I seem to blink less and stare more too.
If i tell her the week after that i don't remember anything from the last session, she'll remind me of what happened, i kind of remember most of it when she tells me what happened but i couldn't recall that info myself.

[IndestructibleGirl]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

It sounds like you dissociated severely, and she was avoiding the topic to make sure it didn't happen again.

It sounds very distressing. I'd be completely unnerved if I could barely remember a large chunk of the session.

Hope you are ok Favorite Jeans, and Amelia and AsiaBlue and anyone else who experiences this too

[Favorite Jeans]

Originally Posted by Asiablue

This happens to me alllll the time. It is dissociation apparently, and i experience similar things to you like the sleepiness, heaviness, i get all warm and insular and talking takes a lot of effort. I seem to blink less and stare more too.
If i tell her the week after that i don't remember anything from the last session, she'll remind me of what happened, i kind of remember most of it when she tells me what happened but i couldn't recall that info myself.

That's exactly how it is! It's like having been drugged or something. Once I had general anesthesia and I remember this nurse in the recovery area asking me questions afterward and finding it very hard to focus and answer her and everything was a bit hazy and distant.