i want to call

i so want to call my T .I feel so crappy . I don't believe I am allowed but I don't know what to do .I am so upset but I cant talk to anyone because my husband is my rock and he is crumbling and I don't know what to do. I am so god damn self centered.

You've called before, right? I'm guessing she will understanding your need to talk right now.

I don't know chris . I don't know if she wants me calling her when I am upset and out of control .the last time I did she did not return my call . chris I am hurting so bad and confused by how my husband is acting around all that is going on .I so want to help him but don't know how .I am so self centered

Do call. Its important to reach out.

Sometimes people just need time and space to grieve on their own. We can't really "do" anything but be there when they reach a place where they are ready to talk. I know the urge is to "fix" things because it is painful and frightening to watch someone we love struggling so, but the reality is that we probably can't do a thing to "fix" it. We have to be willing to sit still and let time work.

Why do you keep saying you are so self centered? I don't understand. This is your pain too. You are completely justified to be upset yourself.

((Granite))

Just a suggestion - probably wrong - but you might feel better if you concentrate on supporting your husband.

Granite.... Call and leave a message and tell her you are really upset and could she call you back...

About the H thing...it is very difficult to be there for someone else when you are grieving too... It does not make you selfish. Everyone grieves differently too.... Some people want others around and to get hugs and comfort... And others just want to be by themselves....

I dont remember the word for the jewish tradition but i kind of like it... Where people just come and be with the grieving person... You dont have to talk or make them talk...you are just together in the same place and share the pain and mourning... (sorry if I really messed up the description...this is how it was explained once to me)

Granite you are both in pain. It has nothing to do with being self centered. Didn't she tell you to call instead of emailing?

I'm sorry, granite. I had to read The Couch (sorry I hardly ever read it) to see. What a cute little kitten; I'm sorry for your loss. We used to have cats too.
You're NOT self-centered. Where did you get that idea?

I don't think your T will be upset if you call her. I really, really don't.

Sitting shiva is a beautiful tradition. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shiva_(Judaism)

Granite - If it were me, I would call and request a call back. The loss of a pet is actually one area where I think the therapist I see would be competent. In terms of your husband, I think sometimes just being sort of around is all one can do. I am not a person who likes others near me when I grieve. I do, however, trust my friends and partner to be around the periphery, but willing to give me space I need to take care of myself because I know there is nothing they can do to ease it and I just need time to not have to take anyone else into consideration.

I am with SD, I say call.

oh granite Please call, and like SD said, specifically ask her to call back. I don't remember her ever telling you not to call.

This is a really tough thing to go through, and that is what therapists are there for.

Sorry granite please call and as others have said " specifically " ask for a call back. And you are not self centered. Sending you a hug.

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((((granite))))
i hope ... you've called your T already? and if not that you will tomorrow, and request a call back if needed
you should have support at this time and the help your T can hopefully give
sorry you are hurting, and that your H is as well ...

sometimes even when it feels self-centered getting the help we need for ourselves is part of helping those around us because then we are better able to function and give (as well as hopefully get) some support

grieving sucks

morning everyone . thank you so much for all this support. I ended up being to scared to call my T but I did hear what almost all of you said about needing to let my husband be. I did try hard to just let him do what he needed to do and let him be. I tried to not make it about me at all .like he is not angry at me , that I can live through this, it is a horrible feeling but that it will get better. that my husband will get over it etc... I think he is better today. he is talking to me any way. the hard thing is to see how dependent on him I am for my emotional health. that cant be good at all