How Well Does Your T Really Know You?

Sometimes I feel like my Therapist knows me more than a bit too well. There are many instances where I'm not sure whether to feel amazed or terrified and some where I simultaneously feel both.

How well does your T know you? Is there something specific s/he does or says that amazes or terrifies you?

Just curious on how it affects the therapeutic relationship in different situations. I wonder if more progress is made when this is the case, or if it actually makes a difference at all.

It weirds me out that she can tell when I'm starting to feel anxious at the same moment I start to feel it. I don't even get a chance to hide it.

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My T definitely knows me better than I do sometimes. And coming from me, this statement is quite bold. I have only been with this T for a few months since the beginning of the year, but she really knew me from day one. Somehow there is a connection between us that is really strange. She knows what I am going to say, before I start to tear up she already moves a bit closer to me. Sometimes she texts me right before I'm about to hit the 'send'-button on my phone She also knows really everything about me, and I don't keep any secrets with her. Well, that's not quite true, there are a few small ones but I guess she would not even be surprised if she knew them.
So yes, she knows me and it's amazing and scary and comforting and unsettling all at the same time.

Amelia our therapeutic relationships sound similar and I completely agree with the strange mixture of emotions this type of connection generates! It is amazingly healing.

I just wonder if this is the key to progress for most clients seeking individual therapy, and if it would be worthwhile to keep looking until you find that type of connection.

I guess it all corresponds to the "good enough therapist/mother" theory.

Yes, I wonder that as well. I think the connection really depend on the two characters in the room. I knew from the first moment my therapist was the perfect therapist for me. She was smart, not old enough to be my mother, but old enough to not be to close to my age. She has her kids paintings hanging on the walls, and I love that! She puts music on that annoys me and it makes me smile. She laughs a lot, smiles a lot and can cry with me without wiping her tears away too quickly. And I definitely needed someone who can handle me and my story and she is a tough cookie, she is probably the only one in my life I take advice from, haha.. So yes, its a connection that is definitely worth searching for. And to me it's incredibly healing!

My T still doesn't know me so well but I have the feeling that she will
And I think that better T knows you --> less misunderstandings happen --> faster your life can be improved (at least I hope so)

He knows me pretty darned well, but there are definitely things about me he just doesn't quite get, mostly because our personal interests are just so completely different.

Completely agree! It is so difficult for ruptures to occur or even small problems to arise because my T catches everything before I even know I'm about to do it.

She also knows how I will react to pretty much anything and everything, and can gauge my mood without me saying a word.

He knows me very well. It seems like he feels me, I mean he feels my emotions and blockages and reactions. He doesn't know everything about me, but I'm pretty sure he knows more than he lets on. I think he knows some things that I'm not ready for him to know and I think he knows I'm not ready and that's why he's not bringing it up, I'm very glad he knows me so well.

I think a therapist who doesn't know his/her client after a reasonable amount of time in therapy, wouldn't be very effective. I think even knowing when to shut up and do nothing involves knowing the client, because everyone has different needs.

Yes, I'm sure the depth to which my therapist knows me has been vital to my therapy with him.

The greatest thing is when all of this happens without being requested or discussed. Also when you begin to know your Therapist way too well!

I feel most similar to Brillskep. After 7 months, i don't feel like my therapist knows me enough to predict everything about me, but i have a felt sense of her knowing me. She "gets me" totally. It's hard to describe. There is a deep (and deepening) connection there which means she's very attuned to me but i still feel we are at the getting to know you stage in learning how we both work.

Hmm...I can't really see into her head , but I will give my best guess. I think she knows me very well. For example, she will know what I really mean when I say certain things. And she will know exactly how to respond to a problem. I also have a feeling that she knows me much better than she lets on, because she doesn't show too many of her cards at any given time.

Not at all as far as I can tell. Perhaps slightly more than a completely stranger in a foreign country, but other than that, I don't think she does much. She thinks she does though and I am always so surprised when she makes the pronouncement that she knows (usually quite wrong) me.

she knows me extremely well... down to what is probAbly in my lunch box on certain days, my favorite things and people, things i like and dont like, she knows what clothes i like. she bought me a shirt and it was just my style. she buys me little things and theyre always things i love.

Reasonably well. Obviously there are many aspects of me he doesn't know at all, since he never sees me in any context other than therapy; he doesn't know how I actually am around other people, for instance, or what I'm like as a friend or as a teacher, he only knows what I tell him about those things. He understands me really well, which is more important, to me. And he does know more about me than anybody else in the world.

But I am always telling him new things he didn't know about me, and he doesn't know very much about my tastes and things like that, which have nothing to do with therapy. I don't think he has ever said that he knows me. In a way it would be a bit arrogant of him to say so.

My T knows me and can read me incredibly well. At first, it totally freaked me out. No one knows me that well or can read me that well, and I was scared that someone was able to see through all my defenses. Now, I really appreciate how well she knows me. It's still scary at times, but most of the time I just find it amazing. When I comment on how scarily well she knows me, T will remind me that she couldn't know me this well if I didn't trust her and let her see who I really am. I think that's mostly true, but I also think she's just very, very good at reading people and picking up on things.

My t knows and understands me very well. She has the ability to be very attuned to me even over the phone which I find absolutely amazing. She has pointed out more than once after I've said only "Hi L." that she feels/senses that my energy is low or different and she's RIGHT too and each time I have responded "You can TELL?" and she says "Of course, I know you" or something like that. It's immensely helpful I think because by knowing I can't 'hide' from her, I don't try. (Usually... I am human after all lol so sometimes I do try, but it doesn't work of course.) I often tease her that she must be psychic. I need to stop typing now because this is making me miss her and we don't talk again for 2 more weeks!!

I understand the feeling! I'm sorry you have to wait 2 weeks to see her, I know that could feel like a lifetime.

I think she knows me as much as she can for being a Therapist.

RT, fair enough.

ive been with t for over 3 years now. he knows me pretty well. he can always tell if im not being truthful

I have a tendency to push my T's away when they seem to know me. I'll tear up or get nervous, they say "you seem anxious" and then I say "I'm not anxious!" with some force even when I am which makes no sense and sometimes feels automatic. I wish I could just accept it but oh well. I don't really know how well they know me in reality because I don't give them the space to demonstrate that they know me. I don't really understand it. M

Quite well. She can read me well when I am not being completely honest about my feelings. She said I have a lot of facial expressions. However, she still can be surprised. Part of what I am doing during lent it to be really trust T and being more open. The last 2 sessions I mentioned a couple of things that were difficult...she realized that I was able to do this.

Last week I though about emailing and asking her something not about our T work but something professional (we work very close to each other) but I didn't. At my session on Friday she asked me if I had sent her an email asking about it...I said no but I had thought about it. She laughed and answered the question...When I got home I looked through my email history to make sure I really didn't send it...

I don't really think that my T's know me all that well, especially since I've been in college. It seems like my brain grew two sizes bigger in college, which is a big surprise to me because I have a Learning Disability. I found out that I have very theoretical, conceptual and quick brain. I also study social justice and have a lot of nuanced opinions about social issues that don't always match up with other peoples positions on issues. All this really informs the way that I think about things like healing. And makes my internal world is hard to know. Especially because all of the academic stuff I understand really informs the way that I think about things including my own experiences. I often don't know how to share this thinking with other people with out being too technical or alienating. So I feel very disconnected most of the time in therapy, and feel that the therapist really doesn't get the way I see things. So I just try to keep in mind the emotional side of things, and try to notice how the T responds to the things that I tell them. But even then I have a hard time. Sometimes I just notice what kind of appeal they are using, or start wondering about what kind of reaction or answer they are pushing for. And sometimes I just get caught up on some kind of ethical nuance, and reject the suggestion because I have some ethical problem. But then never explain my thinking. I wish I could explain this problem to my Ts but I just have this sneaking suspicion that the whole thing would be a disaster and that I would come off as I know it all. On top of all that most of the T's I've met seem to want to discourage my intellectual side (seeming to see it as non-emotional). This really makes me feel like they don't want to know me at all, they just want to treat me. I'm sure that I'm a pain because I seem so resistant, but I really wish they would try to understand that my intellect is at the center of who I am. I really do wish there was someway to share it without people getting all upset at me for being who I am.

Longtime, psychodynamic T feels like my emotional soulmate.

CBT T seems clumsier by comparison but shocks me once in a while by revealing how much he DOES understand me.