Going Dancing With T

I mentioned this to my Therapist today and she did think that it was a boundary crossing.

Your post makes me uncomfortable as someone who is very familiar with Psychologists' ethics code.

Let me start by saying I would love to go dancing with my therapist and spend time with her outside of session. However, if she suggested any of these things, as much as it would pain me, I would have to drop her as my therapist given such blatant boundary crossing (maybe even violation if you think about the "dual relationship" angle).

The ethics code states that the patient's well-being comes before everything else (except therapist's safety), in particular the therapist's needs. One of the key aspects of therapy is to maintain what is called "the therapeutic frame". This frame is set to protect the patient and is primarily composed of boundaries.

I know that you love spending time with your T and that it makes you feel special. Perhaps she is giving you the attention/love you've never gotten from anyone else. The fact that *you* were chosen and not other patients, must certainly make you feel unique. Your therapist is aware of this, and how much power she holds over you. The therapist-patient relationship is inherently very differential in power.

I hate the "slippery slope" argument, but I worry she might continue to invite you to increasingly intimate events, which might lead to you become uncomfortable. Moreover, if anything happens in these outings, it will also impact what happens in session (this is why therapists do NOT engage in dual relationships). What happens if you decide you don't want to go dancing with your T any more? What if she stops asking you out? Will you be hurt?

Also, please think about your own boundaries and what would it take for you to say "no" to her.

Take care.

I, also, would be concerned your T is crossing a boundary. What if something is said or done that can be misinterpreted - it could ruin your doctor/patient relationship as well as jeopardize your Ts reputation.

One of my T's has her office in her home. I once arrived early, while she was preparing a roast to putting the oven, and she invited me into her kitchen while she finished, but that's as far as it goes with the exception of getting a hug at the end of our sessions.

And I have to agree with AmysJourney, you are already predisposed to encountering a conflict of interest. I know my T really cares about me, I know she is available to me when needed, I have shared things I've baked with her and I willingly accept hugs, but when I need my T to be there, to help me through a tough time, I don't want her to be clouded by relationship issues.

I know two people in therapy that just flew to another state to see their therapist get an award. They sat with his extended family and had a great time. Apparently, no harm was done, and they are still in therapy with him. I guess it's different strokes for different folks, no?

I don't really see anything wrong with this it was a personal gathering for their Therapist and (as far as I know) they didn't fly in with their Therapist (that is ALWAYS a boundary crossing as far as I'm concerned). They were just their to see their Therapist be rewarded for his work.

Obviously we can never truly know what goes on in someone else's therapy but I just wanted to say thank you for this post because it got me thinking about my own therapy.

As much as I fantasize about having adventures with my T in the "real world" I know now that I actually don't want that to happen at all. Our relationship exists once a week in a small but comfortable office and it is perfect. Boundaries keep me protected.

I don't think perceived harm (or whether the client continues in therapy) is the litmus test for a boundary violation. Not every violation results in harm and not all harm is immediately apparent.

Today I accidentally ran a red light. Fortunately no one was harmed and I didn't get caught. That doesn't make it legal or harmless to ignore traffic lights. It doesn't make me a terrible person, but it was not an okay thing to have done.

Except your therapist is not, and shouldn't be, in your social circle. I think the point of therapy is to engage in your own life, not create one with your therapist.

I must admit, I can't understand this thinking. Maybe I'm missing something.

I don't necessarily disagree with this, however I think that if you do something outside of session with your Therapist once (or maybe a few times at most) in order to help you in future social situations than I can see it to be very Therapeutic, if you continue doing things together beyond that than I see an issue.

Someone in your social circle is someone who you plan to do things with for an indefinite amount of time.

In GenCat's case though I sort of see an issue because she is already asking to do another social thing with her (which in the case might include a multi-hour drive together).

This all gives me pause because of the existence of an erotic transference that I believe the T knows about, and that this is the same T who visited the client's workplace as a "reward" of some sort. I see it not dissimilar to "acting out" on the part of a client: this seems like "acting out" by a T. Whatever the emotional impact of these activities is would be better expressed within the session, rather than enacted outside the session.

This whole thing really has me looking at my boundaries (which as most people know are very flexible) vs. what this Therapist is doing.

I don't condemn what she is doing at all, however I am starting to wonder where her parameters are, even I think this is starting to cross over a line (but I am not sure by how much).

Made new post. See there for newest news on T and I. Thanks for all the comments and help.

I don't think it's appropriate, no matter how innocent it may appear, for a client's life to become enmeshed with their T's life. The T's job is to provide you with objective professional help for your problem not be your buddy. And this professional help should be done in his/her office, not in a ballroom or Starbucks or whatever.

I would more than anything like to be my T's friend, but I know it would be wrong at so many levels.

I know I'm raining on a few parades here, but you should be thinking long and hard about what's really going on if your T is crossing boundaries.

But at the same time different people have different diagnosis and should be treated in an individual manner.