Am I making too much of it?

Have you made progress with her?
Do you trust her and that she cares about your well being?
Do you feel some confidence that she has the proper tools and style to help you?

Right now, you're really struggling, so I'm sure everything you've written is partly colored by that and may not reflect the long term state of your therapeutic relationship, but I hear a couple things I wanted to check on:

You've lost friends because you're not standing up to your controlling husband, and I think you agree with your friends but are too scared to change your behavior?

You don't have any real out-of-session contact options with your therapist and you want them.

You're in an intense, volatile relationship with a fair amount of conflict among you, hubby, and your teenage son. Long-term issue as I understand.

You don't have other support aside from the one session per week and this forum.

You probably have other concerns that you bring to therapy.

How's she doing with all that? Are you getting stronger, healthier, more supported consistently from the therapy?

Just some things to consider because you have a lot to handle.

AAA... I'm not writing this as an explanation as to why she didn't get back to you this time as I agree with Sierra...she may have just left for vacation early...

If you don't mind answering... what does your T think about your relationship with H? Do you tell her about the abuse and his rage? Are you following her suggestions?

I have a friend in real life who was in a similar situation as you... she was seeing a counselor who basically gave her lots of information and resources to get out of her present situation and to find a safe place for herself and the kids....gave her real life homework to do...etc.. but he couldn't make her do it... but he basically told her that he had to limit himself as to how much he was willing to listen to her complain about it, to have her call him in crisis, etc... because he said he wasn't willing to enable her to remain a victim..
he worked alot with her on herself ...to build her up but said he found it frustrating because she let her H undo everything that she learned to think about herself in therapy.

Has your T shared similar thoughts?

I am happy to report my real life friend did leave her H... is her life perfect? No but she says she has self respect now... and all the threats that her H made....never materialized...

But I know she was working on Saturday; this is what really hurts.

I think you have made some very good points. Yes, I see myself in this post. And possibly she feels the same as the T you refer to.

Thank you for pointing this out to me. It's just so hard.

Thanks so much Leah. You make some really good points and have given me a lot to think about. Unfortunately I can't say that I am benefitting from anything she is doing. I have been seeing her for just over a year and I am certainly no stronger. I feel worse in some ways than before I met her as I have all these feelings going around (maternal). Plus I feel a massive failure for not doing anything to change my existence. It's really hard. I just long for some support from her or some ack that she cares. Then I feel guilty for even thinking like this!

Thank you so much for your post. It is really helpful.

I hope you'll share what you want from her in terms of a caring relationship but also, definitely hope you'll share the portion about feeling like a failure for not doing anything to change: maybe you two can brainstorm a step you can take toward improving your family situation. I had a really hard time with this, and had to work through my own issues before I felt comfortable focusing on my husband's, and it's been a difficult, process, but so worthwhile.

I hope things ease up for you: you know- just doing this thinking about what you want and need is the first step in making it better.

Hi Ready. I have spoken to her about my H. She actually gave me a wheel detailing all forms of emotional abuse and I could tick every box. I am afraid to go into detail here but yes I have talked to her which is why i feel so let down by her lack of response. I just feel that I have reached out to her, I have disclosed things I have never told anyone in over 20 years of marriage and when I really needed a connection it wasnt there.

Im sorry - I just feel too needy - as if it would have been better for me never to have come here or disclosed to her.

I know I am in control of my own decisions but it is so hard.

Thank you all for your support. I think it is best if I take some time out for a bit.

Just to update you - I have just received a text message from her - confirming the date she will see me next. Nothing else. But at least it means she has received my text.

But now I feel so very alone, like I have been a bad client for contacting her and I feel embarrassed for being too needy. I hate the fact that I felt the need to reach out to her. I wish I had someone irl that I could reach out to - but I don't - and I feel embarrassed for that. I am sure that this time I have been too much for her and she has pulled away. Like Ready said - she has to limit herself as to how much she is willing to listen to me whinge about my situation - as I choose to remain a victim.

I'm sorry - I am rambling and I am a mess.

I obviously have made too much of this.

I am just barely getting a chance to respond to this thread, but I read it shortly after you posted it.

This sounds like a really tough situation. I'm sorry you are struggling and feel neglected. I recall you saying it was painful because you knew she was still in the office for a couple more days, right? And maybe you answered this question somewhere in the thread, so I apologize if I'm repeating this, but has she historically responded to your texts? If so, what were her responses like? I am asking because I can clearly see the longing and pain in many of your posts and it made me curious if your Therapist warrants these feelings by being "wishy-washy". So I wonder if sometimes she responds and is very helpful and present, but other times is the complete opposite? Correct me if I'm wrong...I'm just trying to understand.

I think you deserve so much better from a Therapist. Sometimes I wonder if you are settling for this T because you do not feel you deserve better treatment than what she is giving. Do you have the option to explore other Therapists? There are so many others out there who will be a whole lot more nurturing, present, and outwardly supportive, which seems like it would make all the difference in your healing process.

I just feel really bad because you deserve support and you deserve to feel better.

I don't think you are making too much out of this. I would feel the same.

It sounds like your t has some pretty strict boundaries, and that is not always a bad thing. But in your case, I think you sometimes need more support than what is offered during the therapy hour.

Of course, it's understandable that your t doesn't want to "do therapy via email." But if you don't contact her out of session very often, and only when you're having a very hard time, I think it's reasonable to want her to at least respond with 2 or 3 sentences of support.

I would suggest talking to her when she returns about this. Let her know how you feel, and see if the two of you can come up with an idea that will allow you a bit of extra support, while not making your t feel like she is doing therapy via email. Find out if there is any "wiggle room" at all with your t's boundaries.

If there isn't, you will need to decide whether you can accept the situation as it is, or whether you would be better off to seek out a new t.

Thank you so much for your response, Ally. It means a lot.

I think you are right, I think another T might make a big difference to my "healing" and moving on. I just don't feel supported at the moment. But then I blame myself, as Ready said, Ts can only give so much. If I am letting my H and other people walk all over me whilst I remain passive then why should she invest time in me. I assume she thinks I am not worth the time or energy.

With regard to her responding to my texts. When I first started seeing her just over a year ago, I text her a few times without any response so I asked her in session one time if she had received my texts. She very bluntly told me she does not do T by text and it was "not usual" for clients to text her. However, as we have got to know each other better she has encouraged me to text although she says she will not do T by text - she will only ever acknowledge my text and replies "see you on...." that's it. Never anything supportive or calming. However, on this occasion when I really was in need of some support she didn't even respond. The reason I texted her on Friday was because I was aware she was going on vacation and I won't see her for three weeks. I was also aware that she was running a class on Saturday so I knew she wasn't on leave until Sunday or Monday. In my first text i told her how much I was struggling then I asked her if we could have a brief conversation. But didn't get a response until yesterday when I received the standard response.

She is never helpful or present in her responses. I just feel like I am too demanding and needy all the time because i need her between sessions. I can't afford to see her more than once a week. My H would flip if he knew how much I was spending per week on T. He would really go crazy as he hates me spending anything on myself and says I don't deserve anything as I don't work enough hours. I work part-time to fit in with children.

I don't have any support from my family. They don't know anything. I have a very small, very frail family.

i just feel so alone. I also have an eating issue which was is something I have disclosed to her during our time together. I am afrais of writing too much on here.

Thank you for your support.

I completely agree with Peaches. It is understandable to not conduct therapy through text/email; however some helpful and supportive words would likely make all the difference to hold you over until you see her next.

In the past, when I have been in crisis, my T has responded with "Don't allow it!" or "You are stronger than your depression", "I'm proud of you for handling [xyz] the way you did"...just generally things that create a sense of empowerment. It really puts an end to the helpless feelings to read those positive affirmations. Those therapists DO exist...you don't deserve to feel alone.

Thank you - yes such positive affirmations would have made all the difference to me last week and would have really been all I needed, especially s I won't see her for another three weeks. By the way she doesn't do email so that has never been an option and I thought phoning was too intrusive which is why I texted.

Thanks Peaches. I am afraid that she is the way she is and she is so busy that she doesn't want me and all my baggage. She just wants a client who conforms to her boundaries (or whatever!) and is a "good" client! I think I am just too much for her and I feel extremely guilty about this. Thank you again for taking the time to reply. It means a lot.

I just feel so hurt and a failure. I don't think I will even bother to see her again when she returns. I just feel so embarrassed. :

I just don't feel supported at the moment. But then I blame myself, as Ready said, Ts can only give so much. If I am letting my H and other people walk all over me whilst I remain passive then why should she invest time in me. I assume she thinks I am not worth the time or energy.

Yes, they are human and they can only give so much; however if you receive the right kind of care and nurturing support that you individually require, perhaps you would grow strong enough and feel empowered to make those changes. One solution does not fit all! Sadly some therapists will use the same tactics, advice, and support for each client. That is completely illogical because every person has their own unique situation with their own background and should be handled with personal care. It is not crazy to, within reason, want your needs to be met by your Therapist...If you are going to pay a good amount of money for the service, be sure the T is willing to give you what you need.

She is never helpful or present in her responses. I just feel like I am too demanding and needy all the time because i need her between sessions. I can't afford to see her more than once a week. My H would flip if he knew how much I was spending per week on T. He would really go crazy as he hates me spending anything on myself and says I don't deserve anything as I don't work enough hours. I work part-time to fit in with children.

This statement is reason enough to move on and look for someone more compatible with you. Once a week is plenty if you are seeing the right type of therapist for your situation...you wouldn't feel as deprived. I see you as the backbone of the family. I believe that if you grow stronger, with the right kind of support, it will be contagious and you will witness small changes each day.

i just feel so alone. I also have an eating issue which was is something I have disclosed to her during our time together. I am afraid of writing too much on here.

I'm sorry. Please try looking for someone else. I can always feel the sadness jump right out of your posts. Sometimes it makes me teary reading how you view yourself and unworthy of acknowledgment, validation, and love. All of it is so untrue.

If you want to find a new T because this one doesn't display the kind of support you need, then certainly do so. If you want to stop therapy because you feel you are finished with it, then certainly do so.

But saying you won't bother to see her again because you are embarrassed (I'm assuming for texting her), might be going overboard. Your T's respond wasn't particularly different than she's ever responded before from what you describe, so that isn't particularly surprising. But I didn't see you write that she said she didn't like your text, thinks you are too needy, that you should not contact her at all, that you are too much for her, etc. You might be reading more into her lack of response than she would have ever intended due to your own insecurities and stresses.

Perhaps just take a few breaths and let the three weeks do what they do. Decide if you need a new therapist, or is it perhaps a new outlook about your own needs you need. Just let the time be the time for a few weeks. I suspect you will think differently about this by then.

Hope you start feeling better. Sounds like you are under a lot of strain.

Thank you so much for your reply. It is really helpful and much appreciated. I am so grateful that you have replied so thoughtfully. Thank you so much. I am amazed - you really seem to understand. Thank you so much.

Thank you - you are right. I think I have read more into this and I am over-reacting. I just feel so abandoned - the one time I really needed her. But yes, I am sure by the time I see her again I will have put this into perspective! Thank you for the good advice.

(((((big warm hugs))))) I am so sorry to hear she took so long to write you back and then her reply was short and cold. There's nothing wrong at all with your feelings...it's normal to want nurturing and comforted when feeling so bad. I hope you can talk about this with her. Please talk to her about this when you go back.

I know you are worried about being demanding or needy, but this is the very stuff many of us need to work though. Hope you have a better week, and I'm glad to see you getting lots of support here too.

aaa, you deserve a good T. we all do. you don't sound like an unreasonable client at all. since your T was not only going out of town but also teaching a class i'd bet she was running around like a chicken with her head chopped off trying to get everything done. that probably explains her delay in responding. it doesn't sound like she's helping you at all though. can you take one small step and just look at a few Ts online in your area on either psychology today's site or here? you don't have to contact them yet, just read some profiles and see if any jump out at you and make a note their contact info. i agree a family systems T might be helpful. i know you're scared and it's really hard to change but you can do it little by little. you are so worth it.