earlier session?

At the moment my schedule with T is weekly DBT group sessions, and every 4 weeks individual sessions as I have been doing much better over the last few months. Next group is tomorow, individual next week (if I can get time off work, not sure yet).

I don't want to disappoint my T, but truth is I have been doing as well over the last couple weeks. I haven't relapsed, but think about harming myself a lot, don't want to eat anything or when I do I feel so guilty I want to purge. Also I haven't seen my horses in almost two weeks, because I just can't be bothered to go and see them...

I'm holding on as good as I can, but I've realized that all this is caused by the stable owner's father's passing. I went to the funeral and haven't been the same since. I know it's due to a lot of unresolved issues around my own father's death. So now I wonder if I should ask T to see her earlier, or if I should simply stick it out until next week. I don't think I'm doing bad enough to ask to see her earlier, but I also hate not seeing my horses, but I don't know if I can face the stable's owner at the moment...

If you need a session, which it seems you do ... call your T and ask for something earlier

If you feel the need for a session, just call and make an appointment.

Definitely call and ask - it will help you nip things in the bud, rather than spiralling more and more into the darkness. You have recognized you need something more than what you are getting at the moment. Please ask for it, because that's also asserting to yourself that you DO matter and you CAN make things happen to improve the situation.

thanks for encuraging me... I won't call as I absolutely hate calling, but will ask her after group tonight. I hope we can work something out...

Work is driving me insane!!! Not sure I can make it to group tonight, can't handle this!!!

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Go to group tonight! Discuss the whole thing with them, both work driving you insane :-) and what they would do in your position about the father/dying/T thing, whether they can think of some DBT things that might help get you to next week's session better or curb the slipping habits, etc. Can you make an appointment with yourself to go see your horses? Bet that would make you feel better.

I will go, thank god there was no trafic for my last delivery so I made it back in time.

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A little update: I had a horrible day at work with quite a few little meltdowns, which I mainly dealt with in the privacy of my delivery van. There were quite a few moments where I just wanted to give up, get hurt in some way so this would stop... This worries me a bit as I'm already reacting like this after only 2 weeks of intensive work and have 1,5 more months to go.

Anyway, at first I had troubles concentrating during group, but I managed to get into it, and for the first time even mentioned my CSA. (I actually just said I was abused, leaving out all details, but still a big deal for me.)

After group I told T that I had to cancel next weeks session as I have to work, and when she looked at the following week I actually managed to ask to see her asap as the last two weeks have been really difficult. So I'm booked for this wednesday instead... I only hope I can get the time off work, whixh wont be easy... but I guess I'll have to tell my supervisor, that this is something I really need to do, no matter what.