[Ambra]

I have my session in 2 days. The problem is, I can't wait for that but at the same time it feels like a waste of time. These days I feel abandoned, the place seems beautiful and I'm grateful for this opportunity, but my routine, the pressure and the whole process make me feel awful at the moment. Haven't met anyone yet because I have a crazy schedule and there was no time to see the place so far. There are moments of real panic.
Some days ago I texted my shifts to T to ask if it could work. She read it after 2 minutes but didn't answer until the next day when I changed the shift at our convenience (better time for T and I) so I had to text her again and I HATED IT because she hadn't acknowledged the first text yet and I was already feeling like I was bothering her. Then she replied immediately, "sorry for not replying to your text, for me 1 pm would be perfect". I felt her distant and felt like I was pressuring her. I hate it. I worry that she has to reply because she feels pressured by "the needy client" and feel a bit uncomfortable due to the payment thing.. last time I brought up my worries and she seemed still very convinced of her offer and said that we had already discussed it and that there's nothing to discuss if my worry is her feelings about it and that she wouldn't have offered me to defer payment if she didn't mean it. But I don't know, I just hate to push for answers and ask for things. I know T is not rejecting me, I just feel she did too much for me and am afraid she realized it. I want to stop bothering my therapist and disappear from her life, but I still need her, I'm so numb.
Uhm, sorry, rant over.

[HazelGirl]

I totally relate. Whenever anything happens in my relationship with my T that could even remotely upset the precarious balance I feel it has, I panic and all those thoughts go through my head. It just takes showing up over and over to see that she is just the same no matter what, and what makes me panic and freak out and be concerned doesn't even faze her.

[OneWorld]

The texting was probably just because she forgot to reply after reading it. I do that to my husband all the time and it drives him crazy. I read the text and tell myself I will reply after I do ___ and then I forget because it doesn't have that little red notification anymore.

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[Parley]

Maybe she didn't have time available, on your schedule, and was hoping you could work it out; before she disappointed you?

I have to wonder if she knows the read notification is on.

[Ambra]

Thank you for taking the time to read that rant, it was kind of nonsense! I was sure she would reply, I am just very sensitive lately and not standing for myself is one of my issues. So I hate asking twice, it makes me feel like I push people. T probably didn't even notice, we'll see if she says something in session.
It is always difficult when people do me favours, I don't feel entitled to ask for anything then.

(I have no idea if she knows about the read notification - it's disturbing though, lol!)

[Ambra]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

I totally relate. Whenever anything happens in my relationship with my T that could even remotely upset the precarious balance I feel it has, I panic and all those thoughts go through my head. It just takes showing up over and over to see that she is just the same no matter what, and what makes me panic and freak out and be concerned doesn't even faze her.

We seem to be going through very similar things lately..