[Butterflying]

I've written about my T before. This time I had to give up my usual hour because I got a new job. He had me leave my schedule with his receptionist. No one called in a week so I emailed him. I said it did not feel like he cared. He called me immediately and said I expect special accommodations like his making me a special time. It's ********. So I emailed him back saying forget it--I was just following directions. He said he told them to call me saying he had nothing for me. So I wonder then what? Just forget about me? I'm sick of being treated like I don't matter. My self esteem is in the gutter. I lost my husband 7 months ago and I cry all the time. I don't believe I will ever have anyone care about me again. I'm alone in do many ways. I have to face it that my T just doesn't care about me don't I? It breaks my heart but I can't make him like me. My new job isn't really what I want and I have no one to talk to about it now that my husband is gone. I miss him so much. Once I start crying I can't stop. I only keep going because of my kids and I really don't feel enthusiastic about it.

[sailorboy]

I'm so sorry.

[rainbow8]

What about going to a grief group? I know there are many such groups, maybe even specific to losing a spouse. Otherwise, I would look for a new T if I were you. I think it's awful the way your T is treating you. You deserve much more compassion.

[likelife]

I get the difficulty in leaving a T, even one who is not being effective, if you've had a connection with him/her in the past. I'm sorry; it sounds almost like your T is trying to tie your hands. In the end, finding a new T might be a great gift to yourself, even if it doesn't feel like it now.

[Parley]

I am so sorry for your loss.

I don't know yall's history and even if I did, I wouldn't know how to handle it. I'm trying to figure out my own way but it sounds like you could use someone with a little more kindness. It seems rude that he would have his receptionist call but maybe that's normal. I have no idea if my therapist has an assistant.

I know people often talk about having one last session to wrap things up but it sounds like it was final~ he has nothing available?

I hope you find someone that can help you through your loss. I wish I had some words of wisdom but I don't and he doesn't sound like a therapist worth fighting for.

Years ago, I kept going for my child but it wasn't enough. Don't give up on seeking support. You probably know but one therapist doesn't represent them all.

[Petra5ed]

I'm sorry for your loss. That sounds horrible and your T really seems to be a ****. I can see how much it would hurt to lose a T especially when you need them such as after losing a loved one, in the long run though there are T's that are capable of genuine empathy and that's what you need, not some prick like this douche bag. It kind of pisses me off actually. Can you try a different therapist? I know it's not the same, but sometimes a change ends up being for the best. Especially considering you cant get a regular appointment it sounds like.

[BasicHero]

I am so sorry. You truly deserve better and I hope all of these replies from us show you that. **air hugs**

[AllyIsHopeful]

Wow, your T really grinds my gears!! I am SO incredibly sorry for your loss and I am also sorry about the way you are being treated. You deserve much better care than that--especially in a time like this. Losing someone so close could take years to get over for some people and it is such a delicate process.

Would you be able to see a new Therapist? Your current T is NOT the norm and there ARE Therapists out there who will be much more nurturing, accommodating, and attuned.

[HazelGirl]

Your T sounds like a jacka**. I am sorry. Do you have the ability to reach out and try to find someone who can care about you?

I'm sorry for your loss. And that your t is acting like a jerk!! My mom has been going to a griefshare group and she is finding it incredibly helpful since we lost my Dad this past december. maybe that's something you could find in your area.

[browncat]

I could feel your pain in your writing, I am so sorry for your loss and the way your T has treated you. Glad you shared and got some support here! You deserve it.

[tametc]

I'm praying that you'll be able to find a T who treats you with respect, compassion, and nurturing. I haven't liked your T ever since you started posting. There are better therapists out there, and I hope you get one who helps you to heal and shows you the kindness, integrity, and professionalism that you deserve.

In the meantime, please keep posting and getting support. We are here for you.

[Aloneandafraid]

I am so very sorry to read your post. You deserve so much more. I am so pleased you have got support from here - please take good care of yourself - you really deserve compassion and support at this time - I am so sorry you are not getting this from your T. I can feel the pain in your post. Take good care of yourself and thank you for reaching out. xx

[unlockingsanity]

I'm so sorry about your losses.

Had you talked about whether your T would be available if you were to get a new job? Some T's will have a day where they work later to accommodate clients who work the Mon-Fri full time hours.

Your T is really handling this poorly

[peaches100]

Unless you are very attached to your t already, I strongly suggest you look elsewhere. You were asking for something completely legitimate. You were not asking for "special treatment." You deserve a t who is more caring and compassionate. I KNOW there are better ones out there.

So sorry you had to go through that.

[Butterflying]

Thank you for all the replies and support. I keep thinking about switching to a new T. I've been with this one over 10 years--I'm hurt but it's nothing new. After I talked to him about his soft porn on Pinterest and said I was going to not look at his board anymore he doubted I would be able to do that. We'll he was right and there it was another pic of a young girl in underwear and a huge butt and no top with a blanket covering the front of her breasts. Ugh. I dunno. I'm tired of thinking about it.

I wonder if there are any good Ts out there who would be a good fit.

[Nightlight]

Some of the really unhelpful reactions and responses from my therapist came at a time when she was really stressed in her own life and do think some of it spilled over into my sessions with her. She would also react very harshly in response to my hurt reactions. I've been with her for five years and I do think that in really long term therapy, there is a danger that we end up seeing more of the therapist's flaws, flaws that come into play in their everyday relationships.

I hate that your therapist has treated you as if you don't matter, particularly after all the work you've done together. I can't imagine that he doesn't care about you at all after all this time, but he's not acting like it and you do deserve better. Maybe you could see someone else just to talk this through and see how it goes?