[CartDown]

I was told I could email my therapist while he's on vacation for 2 weeks. He told me that he would always read them. I told him I could not handle his replies, so I'm just sending him what I need to get off my chest and it's comforting knowing he still reads everything. In the past 2 weeks, I've sent him a few emails and I'm regretting it now. I'm happy that he knows he should not reply, so that makes it easier, but I feel like an asshole still sending him my thoughts while he's trying to have a vacation. The last email was this morning and truthfully, I needed a connection but was afraid to ask for one. I even wrote "I'm not sure why I'm writing this" and sent it. Because that's sane.

I hate that it only started bothering me almost 2 weeks and few emails later. I'm just hoping everything I did send him was not overwhelming to him in anyway. It's been a long time since I've been this needy.

Has anyone ever felt like they went too far with emailing or even texting their T?

[ElectricManatee]

I have struggled with this kind of thing before. I found it helpful to ask my T before her trip why she was allowing me to contact her and what impact it had on her. I find that she is much less disturbed by my feelings than I am, so it's not distressing for her to read my emails, send me kind thoughts, and move on with her day.

My T has also told me that she goes on vacation to get a break from her daily routine and to relax and explore new places, but she doesn't need a break from me in particular. I tend to think that my very existence is a hassle and frustration to people, so that framing has been really helpful. She would much rather spend a minute or two reading my email (and usually replying) than for me to be upset and struggling for days in her absence.

[susannahsays]

Yes, I felt like I did because she told me so.

My therapist encourages email contact, she almost always responds, and we have had some profound exchanges (we work much better via email than we do in person, probably due to our mutual hostility). She has never told me that I email too often and nor has she even hinted at the idea that I should stop contact outside of session. However, I am convinced that every email I send will be the message which pushes her over the edge and she will tell me to stop and probably even terminate therapy altogether. My point is, it probably wouldn't matter how much reassurance they gave you about emailing, you would feel anxious about it.

[SlumberKitty]

My former T encouraged emails in general and when she was on vacation in particular. Sometimes I would feel like I was emailing too much, but she never gave any indication that I was. I miss her.

[LonesomeTonight]

My T will let me know his email availability when he's going on vacation, like "I'm checking and responding once a day" or something like that. He says it's fine to email. On his most recent weeklong vacation, I tried to hold out (having a session with a backup T--was a rough week), but ended up emailing him at one point, but just basically asked if he still existed (he replied the next morning, I think?). When he got back, he said it would have been fine to have contacted him more (seemed kind of sad I was struggling but didn't) and that it was like I was asking for the absolute bare minimum in that email. The way I see it is, it's up to them to decide if they want to offer it. They could always choose to say they're not allowing emails (or only in a crisis, something like that). It's up to them to set their own boundaries. If they offer it, it's OK to use it. I'd talk to your T about this when he gets back though, because it's clearly bothering you.

[Omers]

T just wants me to communicate. More and more he is encouraging face to face so not responding to email. He has never given me and kind of limits for weekends/vacations. Personally I feel more comfortable emailing when he is out of the office on something work related. On vacations/family time I try very hard not to email him. He does assure me he reads all of them. I usually put in the subject not urgent or something of that kind so he knows he can wait until he gets back to read it. We have also agreed that if I need a reply I will call... I HATE calling. So... at this point when he goes away I think he expects a certain number of emails from me. I am usually his first session back in the office and he has them read by the time I get there. But, I am honestly starting to wonder if he doesn’t skim the subject lines on vacation and then unless something seems urgent waits to read them until he returns home... but knowing him he may also use them when he gets bored on vacation because he is a work-a-Holic.

[UglyDucky]

My T has always given me unrestricted access to him via phone, email or text when he's on vacation, or any other time for that matter. I've always told him that I won't contact him when he's vacationing bc this is his time away.

We went through a time last October when we talked about attachment - T was going to be gone 3 weeks. I was supposed to see another T (sub-T) during that time and in our "meet and greet" appt. to see if I felt comfortable with sub-T, he asked if I was attached to my T. I said, yes. Then sub-T asked if my T was attached to me...? That threw me. I said, "It's a professional relationship."

The take-away when I told my T what the sub-T asked was T told me that, of course, he was attached to me. Eventually, we had to get into the psychological definition of attachment for me to understand why T would feel attached to me. I think most or some of us don't think our Ts feel attachment in the same way we do. It's an intense, emotional, personal, though hopefully, professional relationship.

It helps my T to hear from me at the time I'm feeling or going through something instead of waiting to hear about it in our next appt. when emotions and details can be forgotten or diluted.

[piggy momma]

My T is going away next week for 15 weeks. We’ve agreed that I’ll email on Monday’s because that is my normal therapy day, and he’ll reply.

Realistically, I’ll probably email EVERY day. But I’m gonna try not to text.

[Lemoncake]

I think T's have a personal responsibility to their clients to ensure there is a safety plan in place when they go away. After all we do help pay for these holidays and I don't think it's too much to ask for especially with very vulnerable clients.

R never used to give me contact before, but he's adapted and just knowing that he is there and reachable takes a huge weight off. For his past two holidays I have just emailed him once with a simple "Hi" with a smiley face, and I think sometimes that little bit of contact is all it takes. During his previous four week break last year he did also give me a full session.

[susannahsays]

Originally Posted by susannahsays

Yes, I felt like I did because she told me so.

I forgot to say this wasn't when she was on vacation. Also, the texts may have been on the angry side... so it's complicated.

Originally Posted by CartDown

I hate that it only started bothering me almost 2 weeks and few emails later. I'm just hoping everything I did send him was not overwhelming to him in anyway. It's been a long time since I've been this needy.

Has anyone ever felt like they went too far with emailing or even texting their T?

Yes! I've felt the guilt, neediness, regret, self-loathing, overly dependent, demanding, etc. I've felt like I was being stabbed in the chest, things could get real bad. Then they got better. At this point, i can email him while he's on vacation if I want to though likely would not. It took years, but now that I relate to him as a separate person, I don't have these issues. The negative feelings come with dependency but they are gone now.

That you question if he's overwhelmed is likely your projection and has little to do with him. If it's too much for him, he can simply not open them, not reply, push them aside till later, etc. Who he is as a person is mixed up with your feelings.

My thoughts are--don't beat yourself up. And remember that your feelings are your expectations of him rather than his own, and he can take care of himself.

[stopdog]

Therapists can take care of themselves.