[RTerroni]

I had this discussion with my Therapist last week, but I told her that I sometimes think that confidentiality rules can sometimes be a disadvantage to you (the client). For instance, I brought up a scenario where at a music festival that I was at on Sunday I saw someone who looked a little like a former Therapist of mine but I wasn't really sure if it could be her or not, after looking at the person for a bit I pretty much determined that it wasn't her (although I couldn't be 100% certain since I didn't say anything to her). Basically there maybe situations where we are unsure if the person we see is really our Therapist but they may be pretty certain that the person they see is indeed one of their clients but because of confidentiality rules they cannot say anything. Because of that I tried to tell her that if she sees me out in public (and especially in a social setting) that she could acknowledge me first but she told me that she still wasn't allowed to do so which I thought was unfortunate. Since she will no longer be my Therapist in a few weeks (since she is leaving the practice I see her at) the rules may change a bit between me and her but I really mean that for my Therapist in general, I would really like to say to my new Therapist that she can acknowledge me first in certain out of office situations but I guess that can't be a reality.

[Espresso]

That's interesting. I didn't know that they're not allowed to acknowledge you.

[RTerroni]

Originally Posted by Espresso

That's interesting. I didn't know that they're not allowed to acknowledge you.

Yeah that's what they always tell me.

[OneWorld]

I've heard that too. I was just thinking today that I think I would like to bring this topic up in my next session to confirm that she would not acknowledge that we know each other if our paths cross. I have a feeling it is likely to happen and I want to make sure I know how it will be handled.

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[Lauliza]

I think they cannot acknowledge you but can respond if you acknowledge them. I think the rule of thumb is the T follows the lead of the client in regards to small talk, etc. if you do happen to run into each other. You can't hang out, but can say hello if you as the client are ok with that.

[Mactastic]

Mine told me in the first session that he will only acknowledge me if I acknowledge him first in order to protect my privacy. I drive 45 min to therapy so I doubt we'll ever run into each other.

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[RTerroni]

Originally Posted by Lauliza

I think they cannot acknowledge you but can respond if you acknowledge them.

I know and I think that sometimes that can be a disadvantage since there maybe a situation when you are in the same place together and you may not recognize them (and thus might not say anything to them) but they may recognize you.

[msxyz]

I talked to my therapist about this and I told him it's fine if he acknowledges me first. He didn't tell me he couldn't do that even though he has my permission.

[HazelGirl]

I think there are rare occasions where it could be perceived as a disadvantage to the client. But the advantages far outweigh the disadvantages.

[Lauliza]

True RTerroni, although if you do see each other and make eye contact I think they could nod or wave to you and it would be fine. I've been in that situation before, but T was in a car at a stop sign while I was walking. I was acknowledged with a wave. Not social, like your thinking, but someone was with me so it's similar in concept.

[Parley]

I'd never tell my therapist to say hello in public. I might be with someone that doesn't know I'm in therapy. I would acknowledge her with a nod or something but chances are she doesn't want to deal with me. I'm all about the boundaries and I imagine they get tricky in public. We are not in the same class and I'm a bit rough around the edges. Her company would know we aren't friends.

I do see how it could be harmful to the relationship if someone has attachment issues but the rules probably help protect the relationship.

I think you should discuss this with your new therapist though. I'd never choose a therapist in my town because it's not big enough for the two of us. If you are comfortable with it and she believes it will help your relationship, she will cross those boundaries.

I do not believe confidentiality can be at a disadvantage to me.

[Lauliza]

Originally Posted by Parley

I'd never tell my therapist to say hello in public. I might be with someone that doesn't know I'm in therapy. I would acknowledge her with a nod or something but chances are she doesn't want to deal with me. I'm all about the boundaries and I imagine they get tricky in public. We are not in the same class and I'm a bit rough around the edges. Her company would know we aren't friends.

I do see how it could be harmful to the relationship if someone has attachment issues but the rules probably help protect the relationship.

I think you should discuss this with your new therapist though. I'd never choose a therapist in my town because it's not big enough for the two of us. If you are comfortable with it and she believes it will help your relationship, she will cross those boundaries.

I do not believe confidentiality can be at a disadvantage to me.

I will not see a therapist in my town either for the same reasons. Too close for confort for me. I wouldn't want to deal with the awkwardness of seeing a T at the local store, my kids schools, community events or anything of the sort. For me, therapy is a very separate part of my life. Not secret but definitely separate.

[RTerroni]

Originally Posted by Akama

I talked to my therapist about this and I told him it's fine if he acknowledges me first. He didn't tell me he couldn't do that even though he has my permission.

I tried to say that to my Therapist last week but she told me that she still couldn't do so which is unfortunate.

[RTerroni]

Originally Posted by Lauliza

True RTerroni, although if you do see each other and make eye contact I think they could nod or wave to you and it would be fine. I've been in that situation before, but T was in a car at a stop sign while I was walking. I was acknowledged with a wave. Not social, like your thinking, but someone was with me so it's similar in concept.

I think I see where you are coming from although I did tell my Therapist that if I saw her at a social place it would likely be more than just a wave or a nod (probably a good amount of socializing), even though I will no longer be seeing her after a few weeks I would like this to carry over to my next Therapist.

[RTerroni]

Originally Posted by Parley

I think you should discuss this with your new therapist though. I'd never choose a therapist in my town because it's not big enough for the two of us. If you are comfortable with it and she believes it will help your relationship, she will cross those boundaries.

I do not believe confidentiality can be at a disadvantage to me.

Well I will be staying at the practice I am currently at which is not in the same town as I am but it is nearby (and I frequently go to a nearby convenience store before session which is very close to the practice).

[Lauliza]

Originally Posted by RTerroni

I think I see where you are coming from although I did tell my Therapist that if I saw her at a social place it would likely be more than just a wave or a nod (probably a good amount of socializing), even though I will no longer be seeing her after a few weeks I would like this to carry over to my next Therapist.

I understand where you are coming from and I know from your posts that these boundaries are something that you struggle with. It will be good for you to explore with your next T and get their perspective on this.

[Flyawayblue]

I'm just curious on why a T can't acknowledge a client outside of therapy. I never had this discussion with my own T because I live in a big city. So it would be rare for us to bump into each other. So would a T pretend she/he didn't know their client if they do see them in public.

[Lauliza]

A T isn't supposed to go out of their way to acknowledge you because it could identify you as a client. If you acknowledge them they can say hello and maybe a bit more, but they can't really socialize. I think this is because doing so could create a dual relationship. So, if they see you but not you them, in general they would not say anything.

[RTerroni]

Originally Posted by Lauliza

A T isn't supposed to go out of their way to acknowledge you because it could identify you as a client. If you acknowledge them they can say hello and maybe a bit more, but they can't really socialize. I think this is because doing so could create a dual relationship. So, if they see you but not you them, in general they would not say anything.

I don't think that doing some light-to-moderate socializing (such as talking about why you like a certain band that is playing a music festival) is a dual relationship at all, I ask that to people at shows who I will likely never see again.

It makes me sad to hear that *some* people in this day and age are ashamed to admit that they are getting help from a therapist, such is life in many cultures.

There is no rule or law that says a therapist can't acknowledge their client first or at all. It has been practiced that way, because therapy was something many felt a need to hide. And, I see that is true for some still today.

My ex therapist practices that way, and I told her early on after it was a topic on this forum last year that I found it extremely rude for anyone to see someone they know and then opportunity lends its self to say hello is ignored.

My therapist agreed she would acknowledge me first if she saw me first. Last year, we went to the same concert series, and I told her where I sat, and said to come say hi to me and my friends. She did, she got to put faces to names that we conversed about. I did introduce her as my therapist, and no one put me down for it. At other times I would sit with her during intermission, and have even sat with her once or twice the whole concert while I was still a client. I will continue to seek her out this year during some intermissions, but not sit with her during the shows, because I don't want to intrude upon her family. At another concert last year, I introduced her to a different set of friends, that did not know I was in therapy, and when the question was asked how she knew me by some she respected my privacy and said we were friends. When they asked her what she did for a living —therapist — she still respected my privacy.

Meeting in public as a client was not awkward, whatsoever. I just wish she could have met the family players, FOO, that will be flying in soon. Fortunately, I'm no longer in therapy, and don't have the need to put myself through a family session. And, my kiddo does not want her at his graduation activities, so she will not meet them. I wish she could, but I am bound to respect my kid's wish.

So, bottom line is I think you should discuss what you want, and you possibly might get it.

[Parley]

Originally Posted by Goingtogetthere

It makes me sad to hear that people in this day and age are ashamed to admit that they are getting help from a therapist, such is life in many cultures.

There is no rule or law that says a therapist can't acknowledge their client first or at all. It has been practiced that way, because therapy was something many felt a need to hide. And, I see that is true for some still today.

My ex therapist practices that way, and I told her early on after it was a topic on this forum last year that I found it extremely rude for anyone to see someone they know and then opportunity lends its self to say hello is ignored.

My therapist agreed she would acknowledge me first if she saw me first. Last year, we went to the same concert series, and I told her where I sat, and said to come say hi to me and my friends. She did, she got to put faces to names that we conversed about. I did introduce her as my therapist, and no one put me down for it. At other times I would sit with her during intermission, and have even sat with her once or twice the whole concert while I was still a client. I will continue to seek her out this year during some intermissions, but not sit with her during the shows, because I don't want to intrude upon her family. At another concert last year, I introduced her to a different set of friends, that did not know I was in therapy, and when the question was asked how she knew me by some she respected my privacy and said we were friends. When they asked her what she did for a living —therapist — she still respected my privacy.

Meeting in public as a client was not awkward, whatsoever. I just wish she could have met the family players, FOO, that will be flying in soon. Fortunately, I'm no longer in therapy, and don't have the need to put myself through a family session. And, my kiddo does not want her at his graduation activities, so she will not meet them. I wish she could, but I am bound to respect my kid's wish.

So, bottom line is I think you should discuss what you want, and you possibly might get it.

I'd can't speak for everyone that doesn't tell everyone they're in therapy but I know I don't tell everyone because it's no ones business. It has nothing to do with shame.

My therapist met my husband and I felt that was important because she will be an important part of my life. I don't feel the need to introduce her to my neighbor.

people are in therapy for many different reasons. Personally, I like the power dynamics in the relationship. I expect her to be stronger than I am on an emotional level and I'm a hard woman. If her feelings get hurt because I don't say hello it's probably best we don't even get started because I will eat her alive. And if she wants to consider me rude because a nod wasn't good enough, that's her problem.

It may seem shallow but if I was in public and seen her daughter being disrespectful, I would lose respect for her. If her husband seemed irritated, I'd figure she has issues that I don't want coming into my world. And if she called me "friend" I'd consider her to be a liar for disrespecting the therapeutic relationship.

It isn't always about shame. It's great your therapist was willing to be your "friend' if that is what you needed. For all I know, my therapist might have been willing to be my "friend" if that is what I needed but it isn't and I'm not ashamed of that.

^^Parley^^, thank you for setting me straight on it not always being shame. I should have stated some people.

It's interesting that you put *your therapist was willing to be your friend if that's what you needed.* No she was NOT my friend when I was in therapy, she was MY THERAPIST, because that is what I needed at the time. My post above is about when I was in therapy. Since, my lawyer was willing to acknowledge me in the grocery, and give me a hug, I figured why not my therapist. I didn't need anymore mystery and sometimes weirdness in my therapeutic relationship, it was tense enough inside the office already doing ~ 12 hours a week. She was not easy on me. So, I was glad to have it neutralized outside the office.

As Sly and the Stones always said, " Different strokes for different folks."

ETA: only my closest friends and some family members knew I was in therapy. If the discussion of therapy came up or comes up I do acknowledge it.

[JustShakey]

Originally Posted by Goingtogetthere

It makes me sad to hear that *some* people in this day and age are ashamed to admit that they are getting help from a therapist, such is life in many cultures.

Okay, this irritates me a bit. What about those of us who were raised to believe that asking for help was 'attention seeking' and that we should be ashamed of ourselves for that sort of unacceptable behavior.

If I saw my Ts out of the office I'd just smile and move right along. I'm not a part of their lives and it would feel weird and intrusive to do otherwise.

And I acknowledge that. I was made to feel the same way. Therapy is still a no, no in my culture, even in my family.

And I still feel sad about all this. I am not placing blame on anyone or chastising them for what they do. My feelings are just my feelings.

ETA: and, it's okay to have a difference of opinion.

[JustShakey]

Yeah, I see, I'm sad too, and angry. A trigger I guess. I should be ashamed of myself for being in therapy and I should be doubly ashamed for telling anyone about it. Self-centered attention seeking... :-(