[SeekerOfLife]

What does it mean to have a rupture in therapy? And how does a T. usually handle it? How should a client handle it?

[AllyIsHopeful]

A rupture is when there is a disagreement between client/T, a miscommunication, when the therapist is not attuned or misunderstands something important, lack of communication, etc.

It is generally the same as a fallout in any other relationship only feels more horrible at times because the client/therapist relationship is unique and should always feel safe.

All Therapists handle it differently and it also depends on the specific issue. Sometimes clients cause the rupture and sometimes the T is to blame...If things don't feel right after a session or two it is best to have a discussion.

I have found it best to just ask or jump right into the issue because I hate that "elephant in the room/water under the bridge" type of feeling.
When my T is the one with the issue she addresses it, lets it go, and everything feels back to normal.

[Crescent Moon]

What AllyIs says is true. Some therapists don't handle it well at all, but most do. And they definitely vary in their beliefs about their role in repairing the rupture. I lucked out and my current therapist handled our ruptures in the most respectful, kind, and therapeutic way. She has a core belief that a rupture is ALWAYS the responsibility of the therapist.

For the first 6 months or so, near the end of every session mine asked "is this relationship working for you? Is there anything happening between us that we need to talk about?". I always denied there being anything. Then one day she said the magic words. She sensed something might be up. And she said "listen Crescent... I need to be able to trust you that you will tell me if there is anything that happens between us that causes a problem for you. I'm not perfect, and at some point something WILL happen that causes a problem. And when it does, if you will tell me about it, I promise you that we will work through it together.. Together? You've got to be kidding me! You mean fractures don't have to end relationships?

Man! I had never had anyone make that kind of relationship commitment to me. I had deep trust issues. Emotional intimacy was a foreign object . But when she said all that, that's when therapy really began for me. Through that rupture & repair process I learned how to sustain emotional intimacy and how to nurture relationships. I learned how to let myself be vulnerable and how to repair 'breaks' in any relationship. All because of the modeling I got from my therapist.

So that's how it worked in my situation. Hope this helps.

[Freewilled]

Ruptures suck. I really struggle to get beyond them....I know it's my own issue. I don't trust reassurances from my T. I can't move past the stuckness and tend to ruminate. I can't grasp forgiveness. I know it's not rational but I don't know how to change it. I always try to move past it but my T seems to frown on that one....but I don't want to hang onto silly hurts! Sometimes I just don't feel understood /:

My T is forever trying to bring it into conversation. I think he feels my anger and is responding to it by trying to give it back. Sometimes I don't even realize I'm angry - I think that rage part of me is outside of consciousness.....

[SeekerOfLife]

The reason I ask is I am "stuck" in my therapy. Feel like T. has kind of pulled back from me. Something is in the way. Wasnt sure if it was a rupture or what. I used to feel like I could tell her anything. Now I sense something is between us. I want back what we had. I have told her about this wall between us, but beyond that, I do not know how to deal with this rupture or whatever it is. I have cleared the air as best as I know how. But still something is wrong.

[Leah123]

Some would call a rupture an event of such magnitude that they leave therapy, like the therapist breaking confidentiality, screaming curses, not believing a client who is telling the truth, or the client acting so inappropriately that they're terminated (belligerence, stalking, destructive behavior). I think those happen rarely. I've seen five therapists (four long ago, one now) and had one rupture like that.

Others, like myself, define a rupture more like this, which is a less dramatic, and I believe fairly common experience during the course of therapy:

"In confrontation ruptures the patient shows problems in the alliance by expressing hostility or criticism toward the therapist. In withdrawal ruptures the patient manifests alliance problems by withdrawing from the therapeutic process or by deferring or expressing negative feelings indirectly."

Here's the article that talks about that type of rupture, I find it very helpful for context:
http://www.commonlanguagepsychothera...ingrupture.pdf

Also, here are a couple past PC threads on ruptures for more context:

Ruptures

What is a rupture?

Ruptures?

I hope you can talk to your therapist some more about it and figure out what you need to feel reconnected to her.

[someone321]

Originally Posted by seekersinking

The reason I ask is I am "stuck" in my therapy. Feel like T. has kind of pulled back from me. Something is in the way. Wasnt sure if it was a rupture or what. I used to feel like I could tell her anything. Now I sense something is between us. I want back what we had. I have told her about this wall between us, but beyond that, I do not know how to deal with this rupture or whatever it is. I have cleared the air as best as I know how. But still something is wrong.

Do you know what your T thinks about it? Could she maybe suggest how to solve it? You did what you could by bringing up the topic and trying to clear the air but I think that to solve a rupture both sides have to work on it...

With my previous T, I had quite many ruptures caused by misunderstandings etc. some of them we solved some of them were "too big" and at the end I got a new T with who I haven't had any rupture yet but I have the feeling that she will do whatever she can to solve any future ruptures... I guess, ruptures almost always happen as we are "only" humans but the point is how these ruptures can be solved...

[tinyrabbit]

I have a LOT of ruptures in therapy. Every time I start to feel okay and trust my T I freak out and start thinking he's going to hurt me (traumatic childhood). And I'm just kind of fragile and insecure. I handle them by having tantrums, getting angry and upset, threatening to quit and generally being a complete pain.

My T handles ruptures by listening to me, apologising when he's in the wrong, explaining what he meant if I've taken something the wrong way (I often have), and patiently repeating the same things over and over. And not shaming me. Last session I apologised for being a nightmare and he said: "Any nightmare we create here together is not your responsibility and you don't need to be sorry."

The ruptures are getting closer and closer together and we haven't quite worked out why yet...

[SeekerOfLife]

Well, I saw T today. First, I want to say she rarely tosses psychological words about. We discussed ruptures, transference, and relationships in general. We ran out of time before we could thoroughly discuss it all. She initially pondered that any difficulty I feel I am having with her may be an extension of my difficulty with relationships in general.
To be continued.

Thanks for all your replies and information.