[LifeIsCruel]

I have a concern, my therapist is about 20 year younger than me!? Cannot really change this, due to all therapists in my area are about the same me? (I think by 40-something...they all get burned out!?)

I am not discrimatory, but my concern is....do they/can they know enough about life/depression to adequately help me??? They do actively listen, but often Google for data, which I can do myself.

Originally Posted by LifeIsCruel

I have a concern, my therapist is about 20 year younger than me!? Cannot really change this, due to all therapists in my area are about the same me? (I think by 40-something...they all get burned out!?)

I am not discrimatory, but my concern is....do they/can they know enough about life/depression to adequately help me??? They do actively listen, but often Google for data, which I can do myself.

Yes. I've run into this too. I'm 65 now. So almost everyone working is younger than me. But even 15 years ago it was a problem. Most of the therapists I see listings for are young women with degrees in social work.

As a result, I don't have a therapist. I know that age isn't everything. But the reality is that a 20 or 30 something with a degree in social work or psychology just doesn't have the life experience necessary to be helpful to someone my age & with the range of mental health problems I have. Personally, I'd rather have no one than someone who simply can't be effective. But, then, that's just me. Another person may have an entirely different experience.

I would have a problem going to a therapist that much younger than me. For me a wide age and life experience gap would be a problem. Would a 20-something, single therapist really have realistic insight into raising 3 young men into adulthood, 27 years of marriage, 28 years in a profession, aging parents, impending retirement and aging issues, etc. Sure, they can read it in a book (or google it as you say), but that's a weak substitute for living. I'm not talking about mental health issues; I'm just talking about life.

Some people aren't bothered at all by significant age differences and it works quite well for them, but I do get what you are saying.

[brillskep]

They can know the technical details about depression as an illness, yes. As far as life is concerned, of course they won't have as much life experience as someone older. It depends what you want from them an how good they are at their work. I think therapists who really are very good listeners, who know their job very well, who know when to speak up and when to shut up and especially how to facilitate YOUR therapy experience, I believe those can help you no matter their age or yours, if you feel comfortable with the age gap enough as to trust them or learn how to. In my experience with therapists of different ages, age didn't make any difference; the therapist's own therapy and self-awareness and the quality of their training did.

That said, I can see what you mean. I'm fairly young myself, but even so, I wouldn't seek support with some of my issues from someone who is in an earlier stage in their life. Sometimes when I seek support, not just in therapy but generally, I long for a kin of empathy and understanding which comes from experience ... not necessarily the same experiences exactly, but the same opportunities. There's something important about age when it comes to understanding the real extent of some issues, I believe, and I mean this in a way much deeper than just listening and empathy for emotions expressed can go.

So, I'd say this depends on what you need most ... a good professional (could be of any age) or that kind of "I've been there' or "I know many peers who have been there" kind of understanding and shared experience. But mostly, I recommend you just see how it feels being in therapy with your T. Does the connection feel genuine enough to you? Can you trust them? Are they ethical? Do you have chemistry enough to work together? After all, if this is not the right therapist for you for whatever reason, you WILL know.

[HazelGirl]

I'm only 22, and I can and do understand most of what you all talk about on here. I know that's not the case for everyone, but just because they're young doesn't automatically mean they're bad at their job or inexperienced or clueless.

[Mike_J]

When I first started seeing my therapist I was fairly sure she was 15+ years younger than I was and it was a bit disconcerting, but after a while learned to trust her and realize how much help she was to my mental health.

[stopdog]

I would not see anyone younger than I am. Both of the ones I see are over 65.

My new one is younger and I'm very glad. I think my ex therapist was too old and stuck in his ways. I think this happens with a lot of older therapists. I love that my new therapist is willing to try and do different, new things that my old therapist probably had never even heard of. I have come to not have much faith in the more "experienced" therapists.

[RTerroni]

See whoever feels best for you.

My last Therapist (soon to be 2 Therapists ago) was 4 years younger than me and I thought that she was a little too young for me although I am only 30 (she was 26 although she hated that I knew her age).

[Victoria'smom]

I'm only 30 and I'd be concerned with anyone that hasn't had 5+ experience working in a hospital, or crisis setting along with community health. Unless I was going for short term therapy .

[sweepy62]

I like younger therapists, mine is 30 she graduated h.s at 15, went straight to college , im in late late forties thats a great gap, but she is experienced, its working out so far.

[RTerroni]

Originally Posted by sweepy62

I like younger therapists, mine is 30 she graduated h.s at 15, went straight to college , im in late late forties thats a great gap, but she is experienced, its working out so far.

Personally a child prodigy might be someone who I would like to avoid.

[LifeIsCruel]

Many thanks friends for all responses

[Favorite Jeans]

I like that my T is older than me too because it allows me to see her as wise. I'm sure IRL she doesn't have her shitte together as much as she seems to in session but I think I'd feel a little self conscious if I were a mess and some young T apparently had it all together.

However I bet that age is just another one of those traps we fall into where we think we have to have a particular thing in common to have our T get us. The beauty of a great T is that they can hear you well enough and have enough wisdom and empathy that they will get you much of the time even if they haven't shared your particular experience or come from your demographic. No T will get you all the time and that's okay.

Having a T who is willing to look stuff up in order to understand you better or explain something to you is a great thing. I wouldnt want a T who feels so sure of their knowledge that they aren't regularly reading up and looking into stuff. Certainly it's nice to have someone with a solid knowledge and experience base, but a willingness to admit what one doesn't know and an eagerness to learn it are really great qualities in anyone.

[rainbow8]

My T is 14 years younger than I am, but we are compatible, and at our ages, it doesn't matter anymore since technically she's a senior, just like me. We both have adult children, and hers are not that much younger than mine. I don't think age matters unless it makes you uncomfortable.

[RTerroni]

Maybe in a few years I'll want someone who is a fellow Gen Yer (aka Millennial which will likely mean younger than me since I am an early Gen Yer) once they get a little more experience under their belt (or in some cases get their education than experience), my outgoing Therapist is sort of on the cusp between Gen X and Gen Y (born in August 1979).

[learning1]

I went to a therapist who was just out of school and about 15 years younger than me. I tried to be open minded about her age for a few sessions but finally I decided I couldn't. I felt like maybe I could help her feel comfortable as a therapist. I know therapy is supposed to be for the client, but at some point any human interaction has an affect on both people, so I thought maybe it would be okay even though I felt it was partly for her. If I didn't have a choice, maybe I'd have continued to try that. She was very nice. Unfortunately now I realize she was naive in advising me to ask my gp about anti-depressants. But otherwise maybe she would have been okay. But there are therapists my age in my area, so I was able to switch since it seemed easier to do that than to deal with the age difference.

[Rowancat]

My current therapist is younger than me, initially I was worried about the age gap but now I think it is a good thing as I have issues with authority figures and older people and I am hoping that it will be easier for me to open up to somebody younger. I also know that she is in her own therapy and that she will seek advice from other therapists if she feels stuck, something I am not sure an older therapist with lots of experience will do. I am working on how to relate to people in a different way and for that I am not sure if age matters I think it is more important that I have a connection with her. I do have a different therapist to work on parenting issues though.

[Petra5ed]

I would say to base the decision on a case by case basis. I could see an experienced, intelligent, and wise beyond their years therapist being helpful even if they are younger. Maybe the odds aren't that great, I'm not sure. If you go one time you should get a pretty good gut feeling.
The number of years working experience a therapist has should make a big difference as well, and most of all whether you think they can help. But with that being said I think people my age are idiots, so I can't fathom working with someone 20 years younger...

I made it clear to my last therapist. Whomever she recommended in her professional will for me must be older. She said she new that, and it had been done. My ex therapist is a true detective.

[skysblue]

My T is at least 15 years younger than me, maybe more, idk. But she IS experienced and I trust her 100% and have never felt like our age difference is an issue. I am very fortunate to have a T that has helped me so much in the last 3+ years. She has saved my life and helped me find my more authentic self. My gratitude to her can never be adequately expressed.

[RTerroni]

I think it really depends on how old the client is, a client who is older maybe willing to see a younger Therapist figuring that the still have a number of years experience (and as I said early maybe me 5 to 10 years down the line if I am in need of a new Therapist). Right now since I am only 30 (31 in 2 months) I think that the Therapists who are younger than me are just too inexperienced for me right now.