May I ask for pocket riders?

Therapy has been slow and difficult and painful and not very productive lately. I feel that T has been distant and it's been really hard for me to talk, and I'm kind of mad at him for not being available between sessions (I do not contact him frequently, but when I do it's because I really need a response, and he's stopped responding), and I'm mad at him for starting his summer holiday earlier than last year, and I just feel abandoned and lonely - and I know that it is not T's job to make me feel less lonely, but that's rational knowledge and I am not rational. And we are approaching subjects that are so painful to think about that I don't even know how to start talking about them. And I am starting to worry that T thinks I am not improving, and I feel that I am too broken to heal, and I know that I'm not worth the time he spends on me. All this is kind of a mess that whirls around in my head. So yesterday evening I txted him to say that I wanted to discuss termination. Which is nonsense, I don't want to quit, I just feel scared and abandoned, and there are elephants in the room that I can't even mention, and again, I'm not worth it because I am broken in too many ways.

Yeah, it's a mess. I'm a mess. And tomorrow morning I'm going to see T and I would really appreciate a few pocket riders. He's going to ask if anything happened to make me send the txt, and I'm scared to tell him.

I'll be there if you want me to!

I hope your session goes well!

I'm strictly a shirt pocket rider....so if you've git the room......I'm in

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Count me in..

Can't believe I couldn't spell got....its only got three letters!

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Yes, well, I didn't think you were calling me a git

You can do this!

Good luck, Mastodon. I hope you are able to say all that you need to say and work out where to go from here.

Count me in too

I'm rewriting the first post in this thread (addressing T directly instead of speaking about him in third person) and will bring it in for him to read tomorrow. Is that stupid? Is it too incoherent?

I think that would be an excellent idea to show him the first post in this thread.

If you can do it in such a way to depersonalize it, ie tell how much you need this particular support, ghen he may be able to help you get an addtional support network setup when he is not available. It will also be healthier for you probably from his point view to have a more spread dupport network. But yes....he is there to help and this is something you are looking for help with .

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I would give it to him as written. I've even shown T conversations I've had where I've called him T.

Count me in

I think it's a great idea to show your T thise post, you covered here probably most important issues so if you forget something or have problems wit saying this, you'll have a backup plan I hope your T will reassure you that you're great person, you deserve him and that he'll miss you too during this long break... I remember that I was angry at my T before my long break but eventually it was not as bad as I expected...

At what time do you have your session?

Pocket rider right here

That's an excellent idea!
I'll be there.

At 9:50. I'm scared.

It's almost midnight, maybe you could imagine your best holidays ever or think how good the feeling was after your talk at the conference, how great you felt then etc. To relax a bit? Tomorrow will be a new day so there are pretty high chances that it will be better than today

It is not stupid at all!

It's a great idea giving him to read your post; I was about to throw this exact idea! Count me in. Good luck, you can do it!!

I'll be riding along as well...although you may not see this before your session.

I'd send another text saying to ignore the earlier message you don't really mean it and will talk about it tomorrow ... might make sleeping now a little easier? The show him what you wanted from the post tomorrow ... happy to pocket ride

I'm there with ya. Sending positive things your way. Hugs

we will join you too it will be ok you can do it ♥

im in also mast