[Yearning0723]

Leaving old T was the best decision I could have ever made; I am certain of that now. Today T and I had a really, really great session, which I really needed since I've been struggling recently. First of all, T and I are having FOUR sessions this week, which she actually offered me instead of me having to ask. We had a phone session when I was out of the country on Monday, and then without even me having to ask, she offered me another phone session for Wednesday (which I really needed and appreciated A LOT), and then she asked on Wednesday if I wanted to book for today, and then today she asked if I wanted to book for Sunday. All of that without me even having to say a word. Also, she went over session today by ten minutes and didn't chastise me for it or anything; she was fine to spend that extra time with me because I needed it.

She also told me that she was worried about me...which felt nice, but not nice like "I need to cling to her immediately so I don't lose this feeling of being taken care of," but nice like "it's nice that she cares about me." That was surprising, and maybe that's just because I am dealing with other more important stuff right now, but really, the insecure attachment feelings just aren't there. I am ATTACHED to her, but not obsessed with her. I even sent her an email on Wednesday and didn't worry about it, and she told me today that she's a bit concerned that me emailing her might be getting in the way of me being truly vulnerable in session, so I said I wouldn't email anymore, which was really my choice, and I felt a tiny bit guilty but not really, and the feeling didn't last. It wasn't devastating and it didn't feel like she was mad or anything, so I was fine with it.

I was also having a bit of trouble opening up to her at the beginning of today's session, mostly because she started it off my mentioning the email which made me feel a bit guilty, and also just because I was so emotional about other things going on in my life right now and didn't want to break down in front of her, and she noticed that I was having trouble opening up to her but didn't push me too hard or get frustrated that I was being too withdrawn; she just asked me some questions and helped me get a bit more comfortable and eventually I was able to talk to her like we normally do. She didn't rebuke me about my "tone" or my lack of responsiveness, and that was nice.

She also just said some really sweet things to me today (like that my relationship with AmysJourney is probably just as much of a gift to her as it is to me, which was just so, so lovely), and she also told me that it's okay for me to feel whatever emotions I'm feeling and I don't need to feel guilty about them, although she understands that I will feel guilty no matter what she says. She said that I was doing the best that I could with the situation and I'm not perfect and I will make mistakes, naturally, but that the most important thing is to learn from those mistakes and move on from them instead of replaying them over and over in my head. And she said that when you love other people, and they know that, that's the most important thing - all the little missteps you make are less important and will be quickly forgotten, but the fact that you love that person will always be remembered.

We laughed a lot today, which was also welcome - I think I really needed that. And she told me at the end of our session when we were booking for Sunday that she loves how excited I get when she gives me a certain time that I want, and that was just nice. I think she is really, genuinely, personally fond of me. And that feels really nice. I feel cared about, but in a safe way, and I'm not obsessing about her or that care or anything. I feel really privileged to have her.

[RTerroni]

Glad to hear you are making progress, hope it continues.

[HazelGirl]

I am so glad to hear all this! I knew your old T wasn't as helpful as a T could be!

[Yearning0723]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

I am so glad to hear all this! I knew your old T wasn't as helpful as a T could be!

Yes, HazelGirl, you were correct. You often are. So thanks for seeing what I couldn't.

[eskielover]

I know for me.....being surrounded by caring people & having wonderful caring psychologists (DBT group leader & my own private psychologist). It's so different than what my life was before I left my H 7 years ago & moved 2100 miles away to a place where I didn't know anyone.....God has placed the caring people in my life at the point when I really needed them after so many years of living without caring people surrounding me....or more like people thinking they were caring but unable to understand that they weren't (if that makes any sense).

I don't cling to the caring people either.....but what I give back is my caring that was so lost for so long. I knew it was in there, but just wouldn't come out in the surroundings I was living in.

So glad you have a caring T to help you especially in this difficult time.....there isn't a better feeling than knowing that someone cares other than the feeling of being able to care for others in the same way.....that kind of LOVE for others is very special in the receiving & the giving of it.