[sweepy62]

So today I handed in the suds sheet for csa, in preparation for exposure therapy, and we started from the minimal things of discomfort and avoidance, which are, intimacy, saying intimate words, saying words related to trauma, triggers, ect.. and the worst being the actual csa by the first person.

Well, the exposure therapy wont start for another month, for now, we starte talking about intimacy, and how I feel when im touched, omg, how long its been since I been intimate omg , except she used the s word, repeatedly, omg, how I feel after, I wanted to run out the room.

She aso told me she will introduce slowly some words into our conversation in time, and we are going to work on me sayin them.

This, is not even exposure yet!!!!!! This is at the bottom of my list. She also said the session will be ten min of discussing my week, 40 min of suds talk until we start exposure, and the last 10 grounding.

I hate my t.

[Leah123]

When you're done though, you are gonna feel lighter than air and sooooo happy. It's quite a weight off to be able to use the whole English language, not just the words that don't freak you out, and to be able to talk about your own life with acceptance, instead of like a horror movie you can't bear to have seen.

Originally Posted by sweepy62

I hate my t.

No you don't. You just hate how scary and uncomfortable this is. Hang in there.

[HazelGirl]

You know you don't hate her. She is making you do the work that needs to be done, even though it's painful.

[sweepy62]

Well she said we would spend a month talking about these things like intimacy, and why trauma words make me feel uncomfortable and triggers and if I am ok with hugs, crap. Like that, before we start talking about the events of person number one with CSa.

Well well , who is she to set a time frame on this!!!!! Well I'm mad . Am I a kid ? Is she setting my curfew. Like ok sweepy time to stop playing, time to go to bed now .

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[emptyspace]

Wow.
Do you trust your T? You just started with her and she is pushing really hard I think. I would totally melt down and not be able to function.
I guess I just need stuff to come at my pace so I have control.

Wow!

[Mactastic]

Originally Posted by sweepy62

Well she said we would spend a month talking about these things like intimacy, and why trauma words make me feel uncomfortable and triggers and if I am ok with hugs, crap. Like that, before we start talking about the events of person number one with CSa.

Well well , who is she to set a time frame on this!!!!! Well I'm mad . Am I a kid ? Is she setting my curfew. Like ok sweepy time to stop playing, time to go to bed now .

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I understand your frustration but can you try to reframe it as her trying to be respectful of the gravity of the looming work and allow you time to get used to the idea?

[HazelGirl]

Sweepy,

You're angry as a defense against your fear and anxiety over what is ahead. You know this. Hang in there.

[sweepy62]

It's going on 4 months my old t transitioned me to her . I like her we share lots in common, but for some reason I don't feel connected as I did with my old t at 4 months.

This t is good she sets lots of appt ahead of time for me same time and same day. Maybe it's me I don't know , I'm just mad right now.

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[rainbow8]

I think what your T is doing will help you, but you can tell she's going too fast. You have that right!!

Just wondering. How's your tooth?

[sweepy62]

Omg they just did the exam I never did a great job of taking care of my teeth I was a chicken growing up and due to ptsd I avoid people hovering over me, so I need crowns root canals fillings lotsa work.

Next week, they can't right now it's infected.

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[HazelGirl]

I was just there at the beginning of the year. You CAN do this. I had almost 20 fillings, one tooth pulled, and a root canal. I survived. You can, too. Take some medications before your appointments and just try to relax. I listened to calming music and tried my hardest to focus on my breathing and my muscle tenseness.

[nottrustin]

Originally Posted by sweepy62

It's going on 4 months my old t transitioned me to her . I like her we share lots in common, but for some reason I don't feel connected as I did with my old t at 4 months.

This t is good she sets lots of appt ahead of time for me same time and same day. Maybe it's me I don't know , I'm just mad right now.

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Is it possible that you are scared rather than mad??

[msxyz]

Originally Posted by emptyspace

Wow.
Do you trust your T? You just started with her and she is pushing really hard I think. I would totally melt down and not be able to function.
I guess I just need stuff to come at my pace so I have control.

Wow!

This.

I can't imagine, especially not with a new therapist.

[AllyIsHopeful]

She's not doing this to hurt you. Try to remember she has your best interest in mind. I'm sure she will make adjustments if she notices things becoming too intense for you.