That moment when you realise that T will not date your or be your friend

I keep having this moment. I had it again today when T announced that she was taking a holiday by the end of the next week.

It's very painful. I cried for a week.

Does your Therapist know how hard of a time you have with this? Or that you have feelings for her? If so, do you two discuss this in sessions?

I recall reading that you are in a relationship with someone...Is your partner aware of your feelings for T? I'm just asking out of curiosity because I have always wondered how peoples' significant others deal with all the potential feelings and transference that arise in therapy. I apologize if I am remembering wrong...

It is not unusual for partners to feel jealous or even threatened.

I sometimes wish I could have a friendship with my T outside of therapy. But I know it will never be possible. Sometimes I really need someone to talk to who understands during the week and I know T can't step out of her boundaries.

After nearly 4 years I have those moments every few weeks but continue my fantasy anyway.

Very early on and sometimes it can hurt when my Therapist tells me the things she does with her Husband.

He made it clear day one, he would never be my friend. I was thinking, "Ok, whatever. :-\" Then the transference set in, ouch!! Now its clear, I know it, and just have to be grateful I get to see him once per week. And, besides, if he were my friend, he wouldn't be my T!

My significant other is thrilled with my transference with T. Our (my spouse and me) sex life has never been better. He is just so thrilled with the results of my therapy.

I had a therapist once who wanted to be friends after therapy ended and she moved to another province. She said I reminded her of her daughter. But I managed to offend her by being me, and she soon dropped the connection. I was not that surprised. I'm not likeable because I can't share most basics with people, t. included.

No she is not aware, to my knowledge.

She is not aware either. My feelings for T are different because she seems to be perfect and my fantasies about her are idyllic, whereas my relationship with my partner is very real and has positives and negatives. I think I am in love with T because she represents the fantasy of a perfect relationship.

You need to tell your T. It will help. Can you do that?

"She is not aware either. My feelings for T are different because she seems to be perfect and my fantasies about her are idyllic, whereas my relationship with my partner is very real and has positives and negatives. I think I am in love with T because she represents the fantasy of a perfect relationship."

Ah, but your real relationship with your therapist — is not perfect. Reread some of your post from when you were angry at her. If you can get yourself to trust your therapist to tell her your feelings you may get that monkey off your back. Then, it might help to improve the relationship with your therapist, and you might see improvement in your other relationships. Silence does nothing for a relationship.

I sincerely doubt that i can. It would be seriously awkward.

This is true. I don't remember being angry at her though.

I always "knew" mine wasn't my friend, even though I wish she could be. The reality of it hit me recently when she had to speak to my doc about me because she was very concerned. That was very hard when it happened but guess she was just doing her job. I know I'm just her patient. I really do like her though and think she really does care about me, it's just not in the context of a friendship.