Dream about T

OMG! Last night I had a dream that T was pregnant and I got soooooooooooo angry! It was so frustrating to hear her tell me how excited she was to have another child, and already making plans with me for when she and I would need to break when she left on maternity leave . I couldn't stand being in the room with her, so I stomped out like a five year old and slammed her door (something that she has been trying to get me to do in real life for weeks now). Though I left in a childish manor, I never yelled at her, I just congratulated her and her family on their exciting news, and stormed out. I woke up feeling so strange: a mix of how could she do this to me and why are you upset by this??

I know that I have been going through some maternal transference, which was made worse by what happened last week (read flashback in session post for further information), but this is getting out of hand. I don't always feel like I need to be around her, or constantly want to talk to her, but I do find myself thinking sometimes things like "Oh, this is a lovely dress, T would look beautiful in this," or, "Oh wow, NYTimes made some terrific points in this article, I wonder what T would think about this." I have no interest in being her child, because I think that she would be kind of a strict mama actually, but I do have such a desire to be someone of importance to her and not simply a project at work.

Has anyone ever had dreams like this? Or other weird dreams about you and T that made you uncomfortable?

My T appears at times in my dreams, but the dreams haven't yet been about me and her.

Have you talked to her about your maternal transference feelings?

Yeah we have talked about them, but I must admit that I go in to those conversations acting as though I've got it already figured out and am working on it by myself without her. This is only semi true. Though I am quite well read on transference and its many purposes, I have no idea of how to actually do about it. I realize that this is something that she can help me with, and I think she's waiting for me to ask for/be open to help, but I can't bring myself to talk it over with her.

Wow, quite a powerful dream. Maybe her getting pregnant signifies your fear of her leaving you? Pregnancy can often represent new beginnings or new projects, are you working on something new with her in therapy?

Or, the way our brains can be so literal in dreams, it may have something to do with her "expecting" something of you, or expectations that either of you has.

Tametc -- could you comment a little more on what you mean. I'm uncertain as to what you mean by expectations.

Asiablue -- I think you might be right about the worry of her leaving me. I feel like her pregnancy represents her involvement in other things that are more important to her than I. It shows her pushing me further away from therapy and as a direct result further away from her.

I'll write more tomorrow, as I'm getting very tired and my brain is getting fuzzy. Sleep well.

Sorry I didn't write yesterday. Was too tired when I got home from being lazy in the sunshine out at my garden.

Expectations can be something that we look forward to, or anticipate. I read one definition that said, "a belief centered on the future." A different result than what one believes will happen can give rise to disappointment.

It is believing that something is going to happen, or that it should be a certain way. Example, I thought that my ex-H should support me in parenting our children, yet I was extremely disappointed when he didn't.

A person might anticipate getting a raise, based on various factors, yet their expectations might not be realistic, and they may not get that raise.

When one gets engaged, one expects that it will lead to marriage. That is an example of a positive expectation.

When I plant seeds in my garden, I look forward to seeing seedlings appear, and I anticipate those seedlings will grow, and expect those plants to produce food.

Maybe you are "expecting" your T to have other things in her life that are more important than you, that would cause you to feel a distance in therapy? IDK, it was just that "expecting" could mean a lot of things.