therapy frustrations

Please bare with me, as I'm writing this out as I'm thinking about it.
I had a3 week break from therapy because of vacation schedules for both my t and I. Today was the first day back. I've been under a lot of stress lately, and wanted to make sure I talk to t about a bunch of stuff, so I wrote most of it down where she could access it before session. I had asked her to let me read it to get today, but mentioned that I would be ok if she read it in her own because I wasn't sure I wouldn't back out on reading. Anyway, I did end up backing out and we just dove into talking about things. The problem is, I always leave there feeling like I didn't get to say what I wanted to because she does a lot of talking. In the past, I have asked for space to figure it my thoughts and be able to say them. I've also mentioned leaving feeling add if I didn't get to say what I needed to. Today she was really good at asking me if there was anything left that I needed to say, but it was only in the last 5 minutes of the session. I did bring up something, but we didn't get to fully address it. And even though I was able to voice it, she still launched into talking about it, but not having a conversation. I'm not quite sure how to readdress this with her, and I'm not sure it's even worth the effort. We are terminating at the end of the summer. I just feel like therapy is kinda wasting time right now. I know I need the support of someone top talk to, but I can't ever carry the comfort I feel sitting in her office with me to the real world. Even though her style frustrates me, she is safe and has helped me through some really rough patches these last few months. It helps to have that safe space her office provides, but I can't seem to internalize it. I also ends up feeling like she doesn't want to hear me as much as she would rather impart wisdom. I'm appreciative of her desire to help, however it's pretty invalidating. I constantly feel unheard with my family (they listen to be able to respond, not to actually hear). It's very frustrating to feel that way in therapy too. And I don't feel like we ever work on anything anymore. She tells me I needed to figure this or that out, but doesn't help me with the processes. When I say I would like more help with it, or to explore the processes of changing something, she tells me that's something I need to figure out myself. If I could have done that on my own, I wouldn't need a therapist...
Also, I've directly and indirectly asked her for extra sessions, and she still only schedules for a week out. I have done extra sessions before, but that request is suddenly being ignored. I'm torn between really needing support before the end of the summer, and knowing therapy is going top continue to be a disappointment so I should just quit.

Are you getting a new T after you terminate? Maybe you can start with a new T now while you're winding down sessions with your current T?

I'm not sure how much help I can offer...but what I think I heard most was your need to be validated in your thoughts and feelings....and her talking and teaching does not allow for that, but that you really, really need it right now.

I hope I understood....I keep wondering if there might be a compromise solution. Have you talked about recommendations for a new therapist to work with when your relationship ends? Could you do so and start talking to a few and find a good fit....and when you meet with them, discuss openly the strengths and weaknesses of your current relationship with T. If you find one that is a good fit, why not leave on your schedule instead of hers...just say that you need to get on their schedules or whatever. Have a good final session and get what you've been needing and do need now. It's just sort of an idea...

Also, you could always write her a letter again reiterating what it is you feel you need from her and again stating the intensity of this need for support? See how she responds, and if differently, then perhaps you are advocating for what you need and get what you need while you search for new T...

Just some suggestions...I hear your desire for extra props for a while, and I'm sure the 3 week absence made it even more intense....

Best wishes for a good outcome...really hope you find new T that will meet your needs a little better. She sounds great, but now you also can better identify what you want in new T.

-WB

I'm moving out of state at the end of the summer, so it's my time-table for termination, but also dictated by when and where I move. I can't really search for a new T from here yet.
I'm not really sure how else I can ask her for more support. I have asked for extra sessions. I have asked for outside help. The best I've gotten is a reminder to call a crisis hotline if needed. I think I just need to adjust my ideas around what I need right now, and to find a way to get what I need without asking my T for it, but I'm not sure how to do that. So if anyone had ideas, I'm open...

Also, I think I get validation in the basic sense from her, because she seems to understand what i am asking, but I don't feel heard... maybe I need to tell her I'm not feeling heard... I dunno. The more I think about it, the more I think it's my perspective that's not right, and not her presentation. I don't know how to be more open about this. I'm not sure how to be ok with having to rely on myself all over again. I need to grow up, but I don't know how.

TWO that sounds really, really frustrating. It sounds like she is neither very skilled nor very attuned to you. Do you think?

Imparting wisdom, IMHO, should be done judiciously and infrequently in therapy. I think, if nothing else at all, you should be able to count on being heard in session. Often that's all the "process" that's needed. You talk and you are made to feel as though your issues and concerns are valid simply because T is listening, nodding and giving short responses.

There is no advice, no wisdom, and no clever interpretation that can take the place of simply hearing someone. And it's stunning to me how incredibly hard I've had to look for someone who could just do that. It's such a simple thing to be quiet and listen, but so rare. Your therapy is your play not hers. She shouldn't be upstaging you with her cleverness, your session should not be her brightest hour.

Hi, ThisWayOut, sounds very uncomfortable I kind of picked up on a lot of things going on at once when you were talking about your family listening so they could respond instead of so they could hear you. And, you are asking for direct help but don't want T to talk so much/actually give it but when she will not, says you have to figure it out for yourself, you are at a loss?

Do you know what your ideal help/response from another would be/look like? I know I spent a lot of time in therapy trying to adjust the distance between my therapist and me, so she was not too emotionally close and feeling like she was smothering/consuming me or too far away so we were on different pages (my fault, I would keep changing definitions of what I was asking for so she could never get it "right" and be where I was -- I had to have things "exact" and that's only possible if someone is actually in my head with me :-)

I was struck by your not being able to take the therapy room/session "with" you and internalize it; I ended up internalizing my therapist, not the actual therapy sessions/experience? Maybe because you have mixed feelings about this therapist and therapy experience, that's what is causing problems.

I would see what you could learn the rest of the summer, continue with writing things down and try not to back out of reading/talking about it? I think the more you can actually get your agenda/list of things discussed, the more you will be able to access your own thinking about that agenda/list of things on your own so that when you are more alone when you move, you will be able to work with yourself better until you can find someone else to talk to? Just work on that, maybe, writing down some one thing that is difficult and then taking it to therapy (not asking her to read it in advance) and reading/discussing it. The stronger you can get at looking at your own stuff in the presence of another real person, the better you will be with yourself and looking at it?