[Asiablue]

My therapist recently took on a new full-time job elsewhere. I am part of her private practice. Since I started with her up until till 2 weeks ago (a time of bout 8 months) I think she only had a few private clients and took on work here and there so I've been a bit spoiled in how accessible she is to me. If I needed her she would respond really quickly with a text or phonecall, she would be able to see me mostly any day if I needed it.

Now with this new job of hers, that availability isn't there anymore. Between 9 and 5, she won't be able to help me. This new place dictates when she takes holidays and how long for. I just feel like her new job has taken her away from me, which is really silly because she'll still respond to me at night and also if I need an extra session she'll fit me in at the weekend. I hate her new job and I resent her new clients. I feel like they come first, her new job is a huge part of her life now , I feel squashed in.

I know I'm being a brat about this and really the change is no different to how any T would manage her workload and that my T does see me as a priority too but I can't help how I feel. I feel like she's really far away from me now. And I know I don't need to look after her needs but I don't like the idea of her working all day and then me demanding time from her in the evening or at weekends and I can't help trying to look after her needs for rest and relaxation it just comes natural to me.

I didn't contact her outside of session all last week, mostly because I was Ok without her but also because the few days that I did want to speak to her I felt like I shouldn't and I just felt so far away from her, like she had never existed. I just don't like this new arrangement. ( Do I sound 5 years old? lol )

[sweepy62]

No you dont, change is not easy, I would feel the same, I would be jealous of her job because its taken the availability she had for me, I would be throwing my mini tantrums, I would also worry that she is going to be tired or sick... thats me I worry when the wind changes direction.

[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by sweepy62

No you dont, change is not easy, I would feel the same, I would be jealous of her job because its taken the availability she had for me, I would be throwing my mini tantrums, I would also worry that she is going to be tired or sick... thats me I worry when the wind changes direction.

I am secretly tantrumming inside lol.

[nottrustin]

No you don't. I totally understand where you are coming from. I have been feeling that way with my T for about a year now. She has made many changes she took on a 3 job (1 day a week) which caused her to change her private practice schedule to Thursday and Friday where it use to be Tuesday and Friday. With the old schedule if by some chance she was sick she would see her clients a few days later now it is a week. Before it made sense during really difficult times to see each other 2 days a week...no it really doesn't. She also would occasionally see clients for an hour after her regular hours which she no longer does. She also has a boyfriend who is trying to convince her to cut back on hours...so she sees clients less on Friday than she use to. She has also been sick a lot lately (it has been a horrible season around here)....UGH...

[granite1]

im sorry asia

[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by nottrustin

No you don't. I totally understand where you are coming from. I have been feeling that way with my T for about a year now. She has made many changes she took on a 3 job (1 day a week) which caused her to change her private practice schedule to Thursday and Friday where it use to be Tuesday and Friday. With the old schedule if by some chance she was sick she would see her clients a few days later now it is a week. Before it made sense during really difficult times to see each other 2 days a week...no it really doesn't. She also would occasionally see clients for an hour after her regular hours which she no longer does. She also has a boyfriend who is trying to convince her to cut back on hours...so she sees clients less on Friday than she use to. She has also been sick a lot lately (it has been a horrible season around here)....UGH...

Did you ever share with her your feelings about it? If so what did she say?

[nottrustin]

no. I adore her and hate to think that I would appear too needy. The thing is that I can email her anytime and she responds..and in the fall when I had a mini crisis she was amazing and was really there for me. She feels horrible about being sick so much as she was always so healthy.

I kinda resent her boyfriend though. I am happy she is with somebody and I know they will probably even live in the same state but still....

[HazelGirl]

I totally understand. My T has a private practice and also works two other jobs. It's hard to not have her as available as she used to be.

[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

I totally understand. My T has a private practice and also works two other jobs. It's hard to not have her as available as she used to be.

I swear, the only thing stopping me from taking a hissy fit and throwing myself on the ground and screaming " it's not fair" is social convention!!

[ThisWayOut]

change is difficult, especially when you have been having issues with boundaries being placed, and trust fluctuating. I'm sorry she ended up messing the schedule so much. Do you think you can talk to her about it (maybe through your art?). Soemtimes just saying things helps me feel better, even if nothing changes (happened last week with T, then my thinking around things shifted, so it's better in a different way this week).
Also, if the hissy fit helps, go for it? (maybe at home if you are worried about social convention). Again, I use my art for stuff like that, or the journaling (though I am deciding she will not be seeing as much of the journaling anymore, it's messing with my ability to say things in session).

[anilam]

Honestly, I think getting some kind of boundaries on how available the T is good for clients (and Ts too- prevents burnout). It's all about us, clients, learning how to cope on our own, not how to be totally dependent on others only to be crushed when it's eventually taken away. Yes, some level of dependency is great and vital to learn too- this is what I'm struggling with, so I know.

Having said that I think your feelings are understandable- even though she is still much more there for you that many T would be- and really if I were in your position, I'd probably feel the same. I do believe talking with your T about that would be great.

[Aloneandafraid]

I totally relate to this - although my T is retired - she now travels a lot more and has private clients and an evening class she runs. I feel they all come before me. I, like you, feel I am constantly having a tantrum in my head about this. She is also super rigid re her boundaries. I really struggle with this.

[AllyIsHopeful]

It is tough when there are changes in T's life that interfere with the level of attention and care we are used to. What you are feeling is so understandable. I'm sorry you are experiencing this with your Therapist and I hope everything lightens up a bit.
A few months ago I experienced the feeling of "losing my Therapist" and it was miserable...But our relationship found a new rhythm and everything began falling into place. I hope the same happens for you.

[tinyrabbit]

You're not being a brat.

Have you told your T about this? Because she may not realise how it feels to you. Heck, I say have the screaming tantrum...

[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by anilam

Honestly, I think getting some kind of boundaries on how available the T is good for clients (and Ts too- prevents burnout). It's all about us, clients, learning how to cope on our own, not how to be totally dependent on others only to be crushed when it's eventually taken away. Yes, some level of dependency is great and vital to learn too- this is what I'm struggling with, so I know.

Having said that I think your feelings are understandable- even though she is still much more there for you that many T would be- and really if I were in your position, I'd probably feel the same. I do believe talking with your T about that would be great.

The boundaries are definitely there in the relationship and I don't think I am over-dependent on her. While she always seemed very available to me, it was only within the terms of a pre-agreed " crisis plan". I only really contacted her once per week out of session (or sometimes not at all) But I always liked knowing that she was available if I needed her, when i needed her. But obviously that's not the case now and it just feels weird and scary and a bit upsetting.

[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by tinyrabbit

You're not being a brat.

Have you told your T about this? Because she may not realise how it feels to you. Heck, I say have the screaming tantrum...

hm, I haven't really told her this yet. I probably will get round to it at some point. But it's not something she can do anything about.... my inner child wants her to leave her stupid new job but my adult self would feel awful if she did do that and obviously I know that's not an option.

[tinyrabbit]

She can do something. She can validate your feelings. That could make a big difference in itself.

I suspect you'll find she's still pretty much as available to you as before. If you call or text, she'll get back to you between clients or later in the day. She's still there as always for emergencies. It probably feels like more of a big change to you than it will actually prove to be in reality. Try to take a few deep breaths and rather than worry about what is to come, take this like we really only can do anyway, one day at a time. Sorry the thought of change is frightening to you, but you have a good T who will continue to be there for you as she always has been.

[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by ThisWayOut

change is difficult, especially when you have been having issues with boundaries being placed, and trust fluctuating. I'm sorry she ended up messing the schedule so much. Do you think you can talk to her about it (maybe through your art?). Soemtimes just saying things helps me feel better, even if nothing changes (happened last week with T, then my thinking around things shifted, so it's better in a different way this week).
Also, if the hissy fit helps, go for it? (maybe at home if you are worried about social convention). Again, I use my art for stuff like that, or the journaling (though I am deciding she will not be seeing as much of the journaling anymore, it's messing with my ability to say things in session).

Yeah i think this has helped because of the fluctuating boundaries and changes recently, it's all part of the same thing and she has acknowledged that she needs to be more consistent for me since this all relates back to my past.
Maybe I could create some art work around it......

[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by 1914sierra

I suspect you'll find she's still pretty much as available to you as before. If you call or text, she'll get back to you between clients or later in the day. She's still there as always for emergencies. It probably feels like more of a big change to you than it will actually prove to be in reality. Try to take a few deep breaths and rather than worry about what is to come, take this like we really only can do anyway, one day at a time. Sorry the thought of change is frightening to you, but you have a good T who will continue to be there for you as she always has been.

You sound like her... " one step at a time" lol I do get ahead of myself with the what if's. She will get back to me after 5pm and still is available for me. Just not as much as before. Cognitively I know and understand all this but my impulsive feelings don't match up yet.

[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by tinyrabbit

She can do something. She can validate your feelings. That could make a big difference in itself.

And she will no doubt. I suppose I'm just at the stage where unless she's going to tell me things will go back to how they were, I'm not interested in her trying to soothe the wound she made. (#bratbehaviour)

Originally Posted by Asiablue

You sound like her... " one step at a time" lol I do get ahead of myself with the what if's. She will get back to me after 5pm and still is available for me. Just not as much as before. Cognitively I know and understand all this but my impulsive feelings don't match up yet.

Totally get that. Your brain will catch up with your heart soon I'm sure. It's okay to be where you are right now.

[nottrustin]

like you Asia I know T is still there. In fact if I shoot her an email she still responds even at her full time job. She always has her work and personal email up at work and checks them both between clients. We have emailed back and forth during the day. Also I have had a couple of times that she would call me if in the email she thought it was something we should discuss over the phone...

For me it is because T has been sick. She still answers my emails to some degree when she is sick but it isn't the same...

[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by nottrustin

like you Asia I know T is still there. In fact if I shoot her an email she still responds even at her full time job. She always has her work and personal email up at work and checks them both between clients. We have emailed back and forth during the day. Also I have had a couple of times that she would call me if in the email she thought it was something we should discuss over the phone...

For me it is because T has been sick. She still answers my emails to some degree when she is sick but it isn't the same...

I wonder if maybe it will just take me reaching out a few times and realising she will be there when I need it. But I find it difficult to see how she can be there fully unless my emergencies/crisis can wait till between 6 and 9pm....