A few years ago, my father passed away, rather suddenly and unexpectedly. I think of him often, still, although my grief is much less acute than it was. But these last couple of weeks I've found myself thinking if dad much more often, and feeling rather emotional, almost teary-eyed. I've been dreaming about him, too. Somehow I think that this is tied to my unreasonable childish feelings of abandonment as T's holiday approaches. I don't want my feelings to be this unruly and illogical; my T is not my dad, I am quite clear on that. And I want to be able to handle T's vacation as an adult.
"And as long as I'm dreaming, I'd like a pony." (Susie Derkins, in Calvin and Hobbes)

Seriously, does this come across as completely weird? I guess I'll try to talk to T about it next week.

[nottrustin]

doesn't sound weird to me. Mom died in 2000 and I still deal with this..not so much in relation to T but just life in general. Yesterday when talking to T about graduation I told her who would be there for kiddo and it hit me everybody would be there except for my mom

I could see why yours is related to you dad though as in a way you see it as somebody else abandoning you even though he isn't really.

[neutrino]

I don't think it sounds weird at all.

Originally Posted by nottrustin

I could see why yours is related to you dad though as in a way you see it as somebody else abandoning you even though he isn't really.

I concur.

[HazelGirl]

No, it sounds pretty normal. Abandonment feels like abandonment, whether it's from death or vacation.

[harvest moon]

Not at all weird! Understanding intellectually the reasons behind something, does not automatically mean you can handle your emotional subconscious/transference all the time. It is very normal what you are feeling. I'm having similar abandonment issues this summer, with my T's 10-week (!!!) holiday approaching and it's more intense than ever, because I've recently broken up with my partner. So, there you got, another similar to yours situation

[unaluna]

Susie Derkins is about the only female cartoon character i have ever been able to stand. Except maybe Pigita in Pearls Before Swine, and she really doesnt say much, she just looks appalled and or appalling half the time. But Susie was total no nonsense, two feet on the ground, but not harsh. Oh and anybody by Nicole Hollander.

[stopdog]

I dreamed a lot about my mother (dead just a bit over 10 years) when my father got remarried. I like the woman he married and want him to be happy, but still my mother cropped up every day for about three months around it all. I don't understand why it happened - but it did.
So I do understand how it feels odd.

[coolibrarian]

Anniversaries--of good things, as well as bad--are very triggering for me. So, no, it's not weird at all.

[Perna]

No, you are probably working on all that in therapy is why it is coming up now? I spent 3 years dreaming everything in "doubles" getting my dead mother and stepmother sorted out. I had dreams of my female therapists being lesbians living next door to each other and me walking past on the sidewalk tried on my mother's 1940 wedding dress and then my own, that my stepmother "made" me (1989) and back to my mother's which had subsequently changed/been ruined, etc. I had a sepia-colored dream, like the old wedding pictures of my parents' 1940 wedding, where my uncle was best man to my father who was remarrying my stepmother (1955; my uncle was also best man to my father when he married my mother), etc.

Aren't you lucky

Thanks, all, for the reality check. This is one of those things that would seem natural to me if anybody else were to mention it, but when it's me for some reason I think it's all screwed up!
It's actually not an anniversary - dad died at the end of December, so it's Christmas and New Year's that's the anniversary.