[HazelGirl]

I mentioned this in another one of my threads and realized it might be a good topic to bring up.

When my T mentions my past abuse, I sometimes fall into this trance type state where I can't talk, can't move, and feel paralyzed. I have memories flying through my mind and I can't tell her what's going on. It's like I end up trying as hard as I can to not make a noise, to not move, and to not be noticed. I am terrified and panicked, and yet, nothing registers outwardly in my face or my body. I just get totally silent and unmoving, like I've been frozen.

My T has brought up that maybe I can raise my hand or something when it happens, but I don't think I can move my body (although I haven't tried). I want to tell her, but I literally cannot force my mouth to make words or my voice to work. It takes over a minute to get anything she says through my brain and to register, and then takes even longer to try to come up with a response.

What makes it harder is that it isn't something that can be predicted. It's like a switch flips in my head and I am frozen, in an instant, with no warning.

What is going on? Dissociation? And does anyone know of any way to allow me to communicate to my T that it has happened?

[someone321]

I'm sorry that it happens to you. My T also has asked me to raise the hand whenever I feel that I can's/don't want to hear what she's saying but already at the beginning I told her that I wouldn't be able to do that... Usually when it happens to me, I try to "come back" to the room, tell myself "focus, breathe" etc. and in the first possible moment (even if my T is talking then) I say: "sorry I don't listen to you anymore" or "I think I stopped listening to you some time ago" etc. Then we either look for the reason why it happened or if I don't want to go back to the reason, we change the topic and we approach this subject later from a different angle... I don't know if it is real dissociation, I guess my T might think that it is a form of it, but she thinks that many things belong to dissociation...

[Leah123]

Trauma impacts our ability to communicate about the trauma, one of the awful symptoms of PTSD. Inability to speak regarding certain elements is so common as to be a defining feature of the disorder. In my experience, yes, it's partly a severe dissociative state.

I've found all that really works for me is feeling safe, giving myself time, and being patient. My therapist has learned to not rush or push me (much) and that given time and safety, I can open up a bit.

I'd suggest giving her this post. She may be able to work on asking you a simple question such as if you're feeling frozen when she notices you being silent, so you two have some way she can acknowledge she knows what's going on.

[HazelGirl]

Thank you both. I feel so dumb when it happens and so I haven't talked very much about it to her. I guess I need to.

I do try to slow down my breathing and such, but it doesn't always work. Sometimes, I don't have the ability to control any part of my body, including how fast or slowly I breathe. It ends up hurting my chest to try to slow down my breathing when I'm like that, like I'm being controlled by something else and to fight against it hurts.

[someone321]

Forgot that we moved here, sorry - I mentioned about closing/rolling eyes as it doesn't require almost any movements nor saying anything - it works for me, so maybe it could work for you?

[HazelGirl]

I can move my eyes. So maybe I could do that. I think part of it is knowing it would draw attention to me, which makes it harder to do anything because the stillness is an attempt to not draw any attention to myself.

[someone321]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

I can move my eyes. So maybe I could do that. I think part of it is knowing it would draw attention to me, which makes it harder to do anything because the stillness is an attempt to not draw any attention to myself.

I thought so too before I tried, but somehow rolling eyes is a bit sarcastic, and shows that I'm rather annoyed or bored than terrified so I can convince myself that it is not as bad as doing anything else

[stopdog]

Sometimes slow deep breathing (not hyperventalating) can help some people.

[BlessedRhiannon]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

What is going on? Dissociation? And does anyone know of any way to allow me to communicate to my T that it has happened?

My T calls it "time traveling", and yes, it's a form of dissociation.

When it happens with me, I can usually at least verbalize that I'm not present anymore, and T will help me ground myself. Sometimes, I don't realize it's happening, but T notices and will ask me if I'm present. The problem is, you need to be at least present enough to take in what your T is saying to become more present in the moment. My T will often ask me to shift positions in my chair, focus on a single sound, slow my breathing, etc.

I think you do need to talk about this with T, let her know what you're experiencing and let her know that you need her help when this happens. Can you at least make eye contact with her? Blink rapidly? Maybe that can be your sign that you need her help. Plus, the eye contact will help you to focus on the now. Sometimes, when I find myself stuck in that state, it helps to just tell myself the current date and location - a reminder that I'm safe.

When I time travel like this, I tend to go very still, my eyes unfocus, and I blink pretty rapidly. Just lifting my eyes up to meet T's eyes helps bring me back enough to ask for help.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by someone321

I thought so too before I tried, but somehow rolling eyes is a bit sarcastic, and shows that I'm rather annoyed or bored than terrified so I can convince myself that it is not as bad as doing anything else

Haha, I don't know if I can convince myself of that. But I can try. I don't look at my T like ever, though. So I don't know if she would notice an eye roll. And I can't look at her when I'm like that even if I try.

Originally Posted by stopdog

Sometimes slow deep breathing (not hyperventalating) can help some people.

I can't do that when I'm in this state. I have tried.

[someone321]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

Haha, I don't know if I can convince myself of that. But I can try. I don't look at my T like ever, though. So I don't know if she would notice an eye roll. And I can't look at her when I'm like that even if I try.


I can't do that when I'm in this state. I have tried.

And what about moving your head quickly to the right for instance? Like (sorry for the comparison) you were slapped? I did it once when it was too intense for rolling my eyes, and I guess that T could realize that even if you do not make eye contact... For me only moving with the head works as I also have to sit still and would never ever raise my hand (no idea why though)...

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by BlessedRhiannon

My T calls it "time traveling", and yes, it's a form of dissociation.

When it happens with me, I can usually at least verbalize that I'm not present anymore, and T will help me ground myself. Sometimes, I don't realize it's happening, but T notices and will ask me if I'm present. The problem is, you need to be at least present enough to take in what your T is saying to become more present in the moment. My T will often ask me to shift positions in my chair, focus on a single sound, slow my breathing, etc.

I think you do need to talk about this with T, let her know what you're experiencing and let her know that you need her help when this happens. Can you at least make eye contact with her? Blink rapidly? Maybe that can be your sign that you need her help. Plus, the eye contact will help you to focus on the now. Sometimes, when I find myself stuck in that state, it helps to just tell myself the current date and location - a reminder that I'm safe.

When I time travel like this, I tend to go very still, my eyes unfocus, and I blink pretty rapidly. Just lifting my eyes up to meet T's eyes helps bring me back enough to ask for help.

You posted this before my last comment, but I can't look at my T even when I'm not in this state.

But the same thing happens. Things go out of focus, and I stop moving at all.

I don't know that I am present enough to really hear, since it takes forever for my mind to register that she has spoken to me and what she has said. But if she realized what was going on, maybe she could do something like move into my line of sight and get me to focus on her enough to help. That's the only thing I can think of that may help because I can't really hear her or respond to her.

Time-traveling is a good name for it.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by someone321

And what about moving your head quickly to the right for instance? Like (sorry for the comparison) you were slapped? I did it once when it was too intense for rolling my eyes, and I guess that T could realize that even if you do not make eye contact... For me only moving with the head works as I also have to sit still and would never ever raise my hand (no idea why though)...

Maybe. I can take this idea and bring it to her as well as the eye roll one.

[junkDNA]

maybe relay the symptoms that u get when u dissociate so she can realize it herself when u are in this state. my T knows what i look like and act like when i am dissociating and he is very good at exploring why it happens. he used to say that i was hypnotizing myself in those times. so maybe telling her what happens for u when u are like this so she can spot it herself

[ThisWayOut]

I get the same way sometimes, only no movement happens because I'm generally terrified by something (memory) when this happens. I normal fiddle with something in session, so my t has gotten into the habit of adding if I'm still present when she notices I go still. Sometimes I'm able to respond, though she sounds very far away. Other times I'm guessing a few minutes pass because she has a concerned look on her face when I finally manage to look at her. It's all in slow motion though, kinda like moving in think water. I know slowing my breathing doesn't help me because my breathing becomes very slow and almost stops when I'm like this. I know more than one therapist had thought I stopped breathing during session. The only thing that works to bring me back is having to answer very detailed cognitive questions (simple grounding techniques don't do it for me but I'm not sure why). But that only works if t can get through to me. One time a former t could not get me back for several minutes. He brought in his supervisor to help, and even then she had to squeeze my hand pretty hard before I noticed anything...
anyway, Taking to your t about it could help, and you guys could come up with a plan for when it happens next.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by junkDNA

maybe relay the symptoms that u get when u dissociate so she can realize it herself when u are in this state. my T knows what i look like and act like when i am dissociating and he is very good at exploring why it happens. he used to say that i was hypnotizing myself in those times. so maybe telling her what happens for u when u are like this so she can spot it herself

I do need to tell her. It's difficult to admit to it because I feel embarrassed and foolish, like I should be in better control. But I guess she can't help if I don't say anything.

[BlessedRhiannon]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

I do need to tell her. It's difficult to admit to it because I feel embarrassed and foolish, like I should be in better control. But I guess she can't help if I don't say anything.

I totally understand. It took me a long time to admit to T that I was dissociating. It's still hard sometimes, but I've gotten better at letting her know.

Something that's helped me is my T's reminder that I'm listening to old rules, rules that don't need to be followed any more. Who says you need to be in better control? You're dealing with difficult things, and of course it's going to affect you. Why do you need to be in better control? Who's rules are those, and how would they serve you? (these are the questions my T always asks me, and it does help me put things in perspective).

[junkDNA]

dissociation was a tool for us when we were going thru trauma. it helped us survive the experience. its nothing to be ashamed about. after the event of trauma subsides we still think that dissociating is a coping skill, and in some ways it is. but it also hinders our ability to ground ourselves and stay present in the face of a trigger. learning skills to help us cope during triggers is necessary. Dissociation is a way to protect ourselves. But there are other more fulfilling ways to cope. It is def something worth discussing in therapy for anyone that has been thru trauma

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by ThisWayOut

I get the same way sometimes, only no movement happens because I'm generally terrified by something (memory) when this happens. I normal fiddle with something in session, so my t has gotten into the habit of adding if I'm still present when she notices I go still. Sometimes I'm able to respond, though she sounds very far away. Other times I'm guessing a few minutes pass because she has a concerned look on her face when I finally manage to look at her. It's all in slow motion though, kinda like moving in think water. I know slowing my breathing doesn't help me because my breathing becomes very slow and almost stops when I'm like this. I know more than one therapist had thought I stopped breathing during session. The only thing that works to bring me back is having to answer very detailed cognitive questions (simple grounding techniques don't do it for me but I'm not sure why). But that only works if t can get through to me. One time a former t could not get me back for several minutes. He brought in his supervisor to help, and even then she had to squeeze my hand pretty hard before I noticed anything...
anyway, Taking to your t about it could help, and you guys could come up with a plan for when it happens next.

I will have to talk to her about it. Thanks for sharing your experience.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by BlessedRhiannon

I totally understand. It took me a long time to admit to T that I was dissociating. It's still hard sometimes, but I've gotten better at letting her know.

Something that's helped me is my T's reminder that I'm listening to old rules, rules that don't need to be followed any more. Who says you need to be in better control? You're dealing with difficult things, and of course it's going to affect you. Why do you need to be in better control? Who's rules are those, and how would they serve you? (these are the questions my T always asks me, and it does help me put things in perspective).

Originally Posted by junkDNA

dissociation was a tool for us when we were going thru trauma. it helped us survive the experience. its nothing to be ashamed about. after the event of trauma subsides we still think that dissociating is a coping skill, and in some ways it is. but it also hinders our ability to ground ourselves and stay present in the face of a trigger. learning skills to help us cope during triggers is necessary. Dissociation is a way to protect ourselves. But there are other more fulfilling ways to cope. It is def something worth discussing in therapy for anyone that has been thru trauma

Thanks. I don't know. I just...I guess I've had this idea that for all I've gone through, I am actually doing pretty well. It's hard for that façade to break apart.

[someone321]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

Thanks. I don't know. I just...I guess I've had this idea that for all I've gone through, I am actually doing pretty well. It's hard for that façade to break apart.

I can really relate to this - I hate this feeling when I realize that actually I am not doing as well as I thought or rather as I thought that I was supposed to... But I hope that you'll find the courage and talk to your T about this, maybe you'll be able to learn when it's coming? Or you could think about the small signs which you could show your T and which she could understand as a warning signal that something is happening...

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by someone321

I can really relate to this - I hate this feeling when I realize that actually I am not doing as well as I thought or rather as I thought that I was supposed to... But I hope that you'll find the courage and talk to your T about this, maybe you'll be able to learn when it's coming? Or you could think about the small signs which you could show your T and which she could understand as a warning signal that something is happening...

Yeah, I can try. Thank you.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I can relate also.

When I get like that, I stare at a spot in the room. At my T's, I either stare at a metal hinge on her desk or out the window. I haven't found a place to stare at my Pdoc's...they just moved their office.

If I can catch myself before I freeze, I cover my ears.

Both T and Pdoc know these are signs that something is too much for me. It's helpful when I can't verbally tell them to stop.

[sweepy62]

Happens to me alot, I become dumb, I feel like I am shrinking in front of her eyes, I stutter, I start stimming, then I start hearing the theme to gilligans Island song in my head, and she says what is in your mind right now, and I am afraid to tell her. I told her the truth though, and now we have a deal that we do grounding exercises before we talk csa lol

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

I can relate also.

When I get like that, I stare at a spot in the room. At my T's, I either stare at a metal hinge on her desk or out the window. I haven't found a place to stare at my Pdoc's...they just moved their office.

If I can catch myself before I freeze, I cover my ears.

Both T and Pdoc know these are signs that something is too much for me. It's helpful when I can't verbally tell them to stop.

Originally Posted by sweepy62

Happens to me alot, I become dumb, I feel like I am shrinking in front of her eyes, I stutter, I start stimming, then I start hearing the theme to gilligans Island song in my head, and she says what is in your mind right now, and I am afraid to tell her. I told her the truth though, and now we have a deal that we do grounding exercises before we talk csa lol

Thank you both for your info and experiences. Thinking about it, one of the things I tend to do automatically to keep myself grounded is to play with my rings on my hands. But it's not perfect, and doesn't stop the freezing from happening.