Had a panic attack at 3am looking foward to t on Wednesday this house is full of gloo

OMG can't stand it, today hospice came to the house for my mother in law, thank goodness. At 3am I woke up to a panic attack I haven't had that in a long time, I had a sense of doom like I was dying, I started breathing EXCERCISES , and kept telling myself I would be fine.

I did mindfulness , I cuddled myself, took my anxiety pill and started feeling better, I have not slept.

The main topic of this house is my h always moaning and groaning pesemistic behaviors in general, his morbid choices of what to watch on tv at night when we go to bed, which include dying. His conversations of death.

His disregard for his mother to avoid feelings. On one hand I am happy hospice took over they are a great help, I still have to do alot but they are available 23 7 and they delivered medical equipment to her room, it really smells and looks like a hospital here.

I feel anxious . Can't sleep, I'm scared, ashamed to admit it.


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((Sweepy))

Anyone would be upset under the circumstances.

Your husband sounds depressed. Is that something you could bring up with him?

You sound like you are coping for everyone in the household!!
Hopefully you can see how well you are doing under the circumstances!!

Growly; yes I'm holding Thier emotions:

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Take good care of yourself, Sweepy. Thinking of you and sending love and hugs your way. xxx

That sounds terribly difficult. Take good care of you too Sweepy. Kind caring for you

Having a tv on all night, used to be what would disrupt my sleep. Never again.
If it's' that'smell, it's no wonder you are having panic attacks. The death smell is unpleasant to live with. My late stepdad was hospiced at home, his final year.
Does your h go to counseling or just you?



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Try not to take on everyone else's roles in the situation. I'm sorry there is so much pressure and weight resting on you right now. It can't be easy to deal with along with everything else. I hope you are able to vent and receive coping advice from your therapist. Hang in there.

We have talked about it, the three brothers dont do well with the whole emotions feelings thing, but I told him he needs a professional, I am no where near in the right state of mind to help, I need help myself. He does not want to go because he does not want to slip and say he owns weapons, and possibly lose them, thats what they do here in the midwest. Now that hospice is in the picture though, they will be sending spiritual counselors and I will talk to one of them to see if , they can talk to him , but without letting him know he needs help, you know what i mean.

Just me, they the brothers, dont deal well with emotions, they dont believe in talking to strangers, he waits till Im in bed to talk about morbid stuff and watch morbid stuff on tv, or show me morbid vids on rotten . com this is how he deals with stuff. I told him to stop, because, I am going to have panic attacks.

thanks, I see my t tomorrow, needless to say we will have to put our csa work on hold at least for a couple of weeks, I cant deal with trauma therapy right now.

I hope that goes somewhere. Wouldn't they only take the weapons if he is a danger to himself or others?

Yeah but he also suffers from depression, his gp gave him ad and he is also a cryer, so once he tells a therapist he suffers depression, and if he slips and tells him he has weapons they freak out, thats what happened to me when I went and saw my first t, I was very depressed, I slipped and told her I had 2 guns in the house. and she had h come up, and sign stuff, and made him buy a safe and sign a paper saying he would take them away from me as soon as we went home, at my next appt, she wanted to see reciepts and pics of the safe, what a ***** she was.

Then he doesn't have to say he has weapons...and if he slips up at a later date, hopefully he would be doing well enough that they wouldn't over react.

UPDATE***************
Hospice came today again and guess what OMG well the supervisor came and she saw that I was overwhelmed, and asked both h and I about how much we do and for how long, I said I mostly do everything, he takes care of her pill dispensing and drives her to appointments, I do everything else and take care of both of them. She asked about our mental health, and I said the truth about my therapy and diagnosis , h got mad he kept tapping my back, to shut up.

The supervisor was concerned and very empathic because, she said even without mental health issues, caretakers suffer alot. She says she will relieve some of the burden, so she scheduled an aid to come 3 times a week to give her a shower, a nurse is coming 2 times a week, and with a days advance notice , they can send someone to take care of her for up to 3 hours so we can get away for mental health get away.
plus 24/7 on call medical service. She is very concerned with my status, because she says caretakers get so stressed they end up in the hospital while the patient is fine and well in the house.
the only worry now that my h and his mom has is if they send someone of color, because she is so damn predjudice.

I am so glad to hear they are helping you out!

Caregivers do need a reprieve. Glad you are getting the help you deserve. It's too much, to expect just you and your husband, in your home, to attend to her every need. My mom caregave for two, in home, but....she had me, my gram, various other close friends and family members. It's a team effort. Of course, you need a couple hours here and there. Fingers crossed, you aren't placed into a predicament due to their views.



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She has chased home health aids away in the past because of her digusting prejudices, but not this time, I told her if she wants to live loner like wants to, she needs to accept it, no matter what color they are.

Remind her of this if she shows her prejudice again.

Do you have a chance to meet separate, apologize ahead of time, say she's tough, set in her ways, you don't agree with it, and are they still willing to work under these conditions?

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Yes I will, she keeps saying she wants to live till 110 yrs old and deserves it, she says she wants to outlive her sons!!!!!!!!!, I tell its a blessing to even grt to 89 yrs old theses days and more of a blessing to have a son and daughter in law willing to take care of her 24/7

I will call the supervisor tomorrow and let her know ahead of time of her prejudices.

Good plan!

Quite right!