[ScrewedUpMe]

I had a really supportive session with T yesterday, it was so what I needed. I am so down at the moment, not in a good place at all and I went to my session with not really much in my head, not really wanting to talk or to be there (first time in 6 weeks as my sessions are as and when I need them) and T was just wonderful. She works from her home and when she opened the door she just threw her arms wide open to give me a big hug. It made me feel so welcome. She then made me some tea and was lovely and supportive of me and as I stood up to leave, she spontaneously gave me another big hug. She has only done this once or twice before and never more than once in a session. I think she could see I really needed it and amazingly it felt REALLY good and not at all uncomfortable. I never in my wildest dreams imagined I could experience a hug from T that felt healing and motherly and not at all awkward or anxiety provoking (and I have ALWAYS longed for it). It was such a good session and pick me up. Just wanted to share

[HazelGirl]

So glad to hear!

[stopdog]

I am glad it went well for you.

[rainbow8]

That sounds wonderful! Thanks for sharing.

[RTerroni]

Glad you got a hug, I sometimes wish that my Therapists would give me one from time to time.

[sweepy62]

Awesome, my t hinted at a hug, but I am not ready for that yet, but I am glad your t hugged you, my former t hugged me a couple of times it felt great, I put my head on her shoulders, it felt amazing.

[musinglizzy]

I love hugs, and I love that my T is a hugging T. I get a nice hug after every session.

I am so glad you had the experience.

[musinglizzy]

I don't think I could see someone who thought it was taboo to touch someone. (of course unless they didn't want it). I didn't flat out ask her on her policy on hugging when I started seeing her, but she bent over backwards to get me set up in her practice, so at the end of my first session, I just impulsively hugged her in thanks. She hugged back...but figured I would not do that again....I mean, it's not something I really wanted to ask about. So....I know it's ok, as every session since, she initiates the hugs. They're usually tight but quick...last week's session I was revealing some pretty painful stuff, and she hugged me longer, I buried my face in her shoulder, and it was just what I needed to send me off. I have driven home from T in tears over what was discussed, and I think that hug actually kept me grounded enough to hold myself together.

[ScrewedUpMe]

Originally Posted by sweepy62

Awesome, my t hinted at a hug, but I am not ready for that yet, but I am glad your t hugged you, my former t hugged me a couple of times it felt great, I put my head on her shoulders, it felt amazing.

I hope you feel ready to experience hugs with new T soon Sweepy

[ScrewedUpMe]

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

and it was just what I needed to send me off. I have driven home from T in tears over what was discussed, and I think that hug actually kept me grounded enough to hold myself together.

This is how I felt too, that that hug at the end would really keep me going for the next few weeks until I can see her again. I always had the feeling T wanted to give me hugs when I was upset, she sometimes asked if it was okay to comfort me and would come over to me and rub my shoulder or arm. Then once I wrote her an email after a session and said that I wished I could have asked her for a hug but I was too scared. After that she started to initiate hugs and it was sooo nice and she times it just right. She doesn't do it every time I see her but when she does, it means alot.

[Aloneandafraid]

This is what I want and feel that I really need more than anything but my T is extremely 'safe' (?) and has never initiated any touch whatsoever. She has never tried to comfort me when I have been upset. I desperately want to ask for a hug but I feel too ashamed for wanting one so badly. And I am sure she would refuse and I don't know how I would handle that rejection. I just know that I really need to ask or maybe write it down. Can you give me some reasons to give her is she asks me why I want one as I feel kind of too demanding for asking and her not initiating I take to mean she doesn't want to,touch me because it will encourage maternal transference or just make me long for something I haven't had. I am 46 and she is around 65. This is so embarrassing and painful.

[ScrewedUpMe]

Originally Posted by Aloneandafraid

This is what I want and feel that I really need more than anything but my T is extremely 'safe' (?) and has never initiated any touch whatsoever. She has never tried to comfort me when I have been upset. I desperately want to ask for a hug but I feel too ashamed for wanting one so badly. And I am sure she would refuse and I don't know how I would handle that rejection. I just know that I really need to ask or maybe write it down. Can you give me some reasons to give her is she asks me why I want one as I feel kind of too demanding for asking and her not initiating I take to mean she doesn't want to,touch me because it will encourage maternal transference or just make me long for something I haven't had. I am 46 and she is around 65. This is so embarrassing and painful.

I really feel for you, it is so hard longing for something and I get why some therapists would be worried about it encouraging transference too. I do see my T as a mum, I have even written to her that I wish she was my mum. So those hugs do feel maternal to me (she is 20 years older than me so the same age gap you have). But interestingly, I don't feel the need for more and more hugs or touch. I am really satisfied with the random hugs that she gives me and it hasn't led to craving more which I assume is what therapists worry about.

As for reasons that you want a hug...I think I would say that it might help you to keep the connection to her between sessions...that it would feel healing and supportive...that it would help you to feel that she really cares about you...that it would help you to feel the relationship is more real? (by this I mean that it is normal in certain circumstances to offer someone a hug if they are upset). I do hope you can find a way to ask and that whatever her answer, it is explained and satisfying for you.

[Aloneandafraid]

Originally Posted by ScrewedUpMe

I really feel for you, it is so hard longing for something and I get why some therapists would be worried about it encouraging transference too. I do see my T as a mum, I have even written to her that I wish she was my mum. So those hugs do feel maternal to me (she is 20 years older than me so the same age gap you have). But interestingly, I don't feel the need for more and more hugs or touch. I am really satisfied with the random hugs that she gives me and it hasn't led to craving more which I assume is what therapists worry about.

As for reasons that you want a hug...I think I would say that it might help you to keep the connection to her between sessions...that it would feel healing and supportive...that it would help you to feel that she really cares about you...that it would help you to feel the relationship is more real? (by this I mean that it is normal in certain circumstances to offer someone a hug if they are upset). I do hope you can find a way to ask and that whatever her answer, it is explained and satisfying for you.

Thank you so much for replying. Yes, the reasons you describe are exactly what I need. Thank you. It is very reassuring to hear I am not totally weird for feeling the need for this connection. I really appreciate you taking the time to reply. Thank you. I guess I now need to be brave and just say it and see where it goes.

[RTerroni]

I think that all Therapists should hug their clients and its a shame that so many don't (at least don't most of the time which has been the case with many of my prior Therapists).

[TheWell]

I think appropriate touch is so healing for some people. I wish there was more of it available.

Originally Posted by Aloneandafraid

This is what I want and feel that I really need more than anything but my T is extremely 'safe' (?) and has never initiated any touch whatsoever. She has never tried to comfort me when I have been upset. I desperately want to ask for a hug but I feel too ashamed for wanting one so badly. And I am sure she would refuse and I don't know how I would handle that rejection. I just know that I really need to ask or maybe write it down. Can you give me some reasons to give her is she asks me why I want one as I feel kind of too demanding for asking and her not initiating I take to mean she doesn't want to,touch me because it will encourage maternal transference or just make me long for something I haven't had. I am 46 and she is around 65. This is so embarrassing and painful.

My heart goes out to you, and my virtual hug wraps you warmly and securely. You are worth it and deserve it.

I've renewed a friendship with a former college roommate that is a therapist. She has been at it for over 25 years. She does not give her clients hugs or any kind of touch, because she is not comfortable with it. But, I am willing to bet she is an excellent therapist. I bring this up, because you may want to discern what your therapist feelings/policies are regarding touch in her sessions. Because it may not be about you at all. In fact I know it won't be about you, no matter what. Then if the answer is yes go on to discuss your desire for healing touch. Best wishes to you NotAloneandSoontobeNotAfraid.

[ScrewedUpMe]

Originally Posted by Aloneandafraid

Thank you so much for replying. Yes, the reasons you describe are exactly what I need. Thank you. It is very reassuring to hear I am not totally weird for feeling the need for this connection. I really appreciate you taking the time to reply. Thank you. I guess I now need to be brave and just say it and see where it goes.

Of course you are not totally weird! I think it's a very instinctual need we have and if it is not met as children, we seem to search for it all our lives. It's just so sad that not all children get what they need. Good luck and let us know how it goes

[healingme4me]

((((ScrewedUpMe))))

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[precaryous]

I'm really glad for you!

I never want my T to hug me or touch me, though.

[ScrewedUpMe]

Originally Posted by precaryous

I'm really glad for you!

I never want my T to hug me or touch me, though.

Each to their own eh?

[lostin08]

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

I don't think I could see someone who thought it was taboo to touch someone. (of course unless they didn't want it). I didn't flat out ask her on her policy on hugging when I started seeing her, but she bent over backwards to get me set up in her practice, so at the end of my first session, I just impulsively hugged her in thanks. She hugged back...but figured I would not do that again....I mean, it's not something I really wanted to ask about. So....I know it's ok, as every session since, she initiates the hugs. They're usually tight but quick...last week's session I was revealing some pretty painful stuff, and she hugged me longer, I buried my face in her shoulder, and it was just what I needed to send me off. I have driven home from T in tears over what was discussed, and I think that hug actually kept me grounded enough to hold myself together.

AMEN AMEN!