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InRealLife45 · Jun 17, 2014, 08:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Freewilled

How long have you been seeing her? It just seems like she might not be a good fit....but if you are attached to her or unable to switch for whatever reason, it might be a good idea to tell her the eft isn't working for you. My T seems to get annoyed/frustrated at times with my lack of attachment/dismissive tendencies. He almost reassures himself as well as me at the same time that I'm just testing him. And that it makes sense I would need to do that. Yeah - I think what's happening there is that he's definitely reassuring himself at the same time lol

I am not usually outwardly aggressive or hostile toward my T but I have my unpleasant part that definitely makes it obvious she's upset. Passive aggressive. Speaking in metaphoric symbolic crap. I've snapped at him. I've told him way in the past that I know I'm difficult and frustrating. I know he must be frustrated with me because I'm frustrated with me. That he's just a T. And Ts are human. Blah blah blah. He hasn't been perfect in response. He cracked once and it didn't go so well. We worked it out though - which is KEY. He apologized. I've apologized and he's semi-accepted (ie i would like to accept your apology, freewilled, but at the same time I think what you said was so important yadda yadda something like that lol).

It just sounds like your T, from what you've written, isn't receptive to the underlying communication of what's going on. Like she wants you to miraculously be non-resistant. I mean, I'm frustrated just thinking about a session with your T and I've not even met her!

In her defense I'm a complete nightmare to work with, and I dont want to switch bc I;m attached to her and I dont want to not see her anymore.

I might have to, though. I was thinking to go full time with someone else and see her once a month for a few months to ease the shock of the separation/termination (if the rest of this month doesnt go well.) I go twice a week till June 30...if I havent been able to open up/make progress in some way, I'll go back to a therapist I saw briefly two years ago.

I record my sessions with this T bc I so often mishear her or let my rage skew things, and I can sometimes hear more accurately later, when shes not in the room with me.

musinglizzy · Jun 17, 2014, 08:52 PM

I've wondered this as my T and I have only recently started working together, and I've been Emailing things....I have such a hard time talking sometimes, and it's just so much easier for me to type. The words that come out of my mouth aren't the same as what I'd write/type.

You record your sessions? Does she know? I've thought that would be nice to have. If I have a more emotional session, I sort of zone out, and even though I'm listening, I'm not absorbing what she's saying.

InRealLife45 · Jun 17, 2014, 09:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

I've wondered this as my T and I have only recently started working together, and I've been Emailing things....I have such a hard time talking sometimes, and it's just so much easier for me to type. The words that come out of my mouth aren't the same as what I'd write/type.

You record your sessions? Does she know? I've thought that would be nice to have. If I have a more emotional session, I sort of zone out, and even though I'm listening, I'm not absorbing what she's saying.

she says its my session, I can do whatever I want with it. Sometimes she pointedly records things for me (mindfulness or exercises she wants me to do).

musinglizzy · Jun 17, 2014, 10:01 PM

I like the idea. My head gets so frazzled in there sometimes....

msxyz · Jun 17, 2014, 10:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by InRealLife45

shes frustrated bc at first i iodolized her, then we had a huge rupture and i shifted (in a borderline way) into frequent bouts of rage directed at her, as well as consistently (day 1 of two years) insisting that she doesnt care about me and wants me to leave, and that she has shown me 10,000 different ways that she cares and is committed to me DESPITE my accusations, hostility and resistance to treatment, but no matter what she does or how she shows me it JUST DOESNT SINK IN, it doesnt affect me, and that she became a therapist to help people, not to be attacked or "get shot" along the way, bc it doesnt feel good.

yes i agree that she had the boundaries too lose/non existent in the beginning and is now trying to build them retroactively.

Are those her words?

InRealLife45 · Jun 17, 2014, 10:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Akama

Are those her words?

yes, pretty much. i paraphrased it but yes she said that.

msxyz · Jun 17, 2014, 10:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by InRealLife45

yea-stop fighting her. stop being resistant. stop being hostile. great in theory but i dont know how to and the only solutions shes offering are energy healing and tapping and i dont feel like its helping.

And you have BPD?

I don't mean to be offensive, but everything you've said about her makes me think she isn't that competent.

InRealLife45 · Jun 17, 2014, 10:23 PM

yes i have BPD.

heres a little bit of my last session...

do you still think shes not competent? i think the discord is mostly my fault. two years is a lot of patience with someone who is hostile.

msxyz · Jun 17, 2014, 10:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by InRealLife45

yes i have BPD.

heres a little bit of my last session...

do you still think shes not competent? i think the discord is mostly my fault. two years is a lot of patience with someone who is hostile.

I can't watch right now, but you know what I think?

That

Quote:

and that she became a therapist to help people, not to be attacked or "get shot" along the way, bc it doesnt feel good.

Sounds extremely narcissistic to me, like a tirade at your lack of appreciation and lack of rapid betterment reflecting her awesomeness in being a therapist, you are making her feel bad and not good and that's not what she signed up for because obviously being a therapist is all about the therapist's well being. And her repeated push to try alternative methods you are not interested in really fits nicely in that description of her because she is just waltzing over your boundaries and is acting disrespectful by not accepting your no.

freefallin · Jun 17, 2014, 10:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by InRealLife45

yes i have BPD.

heres a little bit of my last session...

do you still think shes not competent? i think the discord is mostly my fault. two years is a lot of patience with someone who is hostile.

I'm watching that video, and I'm disgusted at her tone toward you. Her eyes practically roll out of her head every time you speak. Why are you seeing this person?

Jun 18, 2014, 12:47 AM

Unbelievably sad. I could not even finish watching it. My heart goes out to you. If you need to be reassured a thousand times then she needs to reassure you a thousand times. I'm appalled by the way you are being treated. No one deserves to be treated this badly.

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