Two Part Question

Dear Patagonia,

It seems that at times you are quite satisfied with your T and she has worked hard to help you and to be there for you. She may at one time, please satisfy and connect with some parts and not others. Like when one part sent the email and brought up something hard to discuss and you were glad in the end to have it talked out. Some parts may need some reassurance while other parts may want resolution or attention or to have questions answered.

I'm not DID, but know at times I can feel "smaller parts" wanting to sit close to T because I need some connection while another part of me that is also scared does not want it and wants to talk about a hurt or situation that scared me. Thus sometimes I ask to sit next to him on the floor, and still talk seriously. Or if he gets on the floor, I'll sit next to him but facing the other direction or hide behind my hair. Or sometimes if too intense I just dissociate because I get overwhelmed with need for connection and need not to be touched and need to beg for help.

Sometimes it seems more logical parts are being left out while younger parts are getting their needs met, yet overall, something still feels lacking. Could this possibly explain some of your ambivalence? Perhaps you will have to accept that some will get their needs met at different times and that no one could possible please all of them at the same time and still be genuine and authentic. Just realize that T is trying to help each in their own way? Just thinking out loud here...

In terms of the second part of your question, my T at least goes through periods where he seems to push harder for me to bring things to him or bring up issues to discuss. At other times, it is just too obvious and we plow on. It IS a partnership and sometimes by what I bring in, T can see where my priorities lay or what is really bothering me. One time I brought in a list and I felt like he used it like a checklist and just kind of went down it saying Check, Check, Check! I was furious and sent him an email from he(( saying oh no you don't! He quit that right quick..lol. Sometimes we do step back and I point out things that I feel like went unresolved or books that we haven't discussed, or emails that we didn't get to discuss..

I guess for me it would be like having a partner where everyday you said, "where do you want to go to lunch today?" and the partner said,"I don't know!" but yet when you picked out the restaurant, they complained that it wasn't good enough or not what they really wanted or whatever. Sometimes in partnerships you need a bit more feedback or direction in order for you both to have a win-win outcome. I hope that might help a little bit?

It seems like your T is trying very hard and if you were to journal how you felt over longer periods of time and which parts (if you can) are getting what they need at different times, you might see more progress and satisfaction with your T than you might think right now...

Gentle hugs to all..
Wysteria Blue

Can you tell this to her?

I'm so lost right now, thinking that maybe I should give T a break till I figure out what exactly I'm doing there in the first place...besides wasting money.
Wysteria I understand what you're saying & it seems like my parts are constantly battling w/ my T & what I should be doing or working on in T...to the point that it feels like we're at a stand still.
I just don't know how to talk to her. To voice my needs, to speak the truth, to not feel slighted all the time. I think I'm just too selfish to do T & expect too much & then end up hurt. I don't know what I'm doing or how to explain things. I get tongue tied & just frustrated.
I know she's trying hard but T doesn't work if only one person is trying.
Thanks everyone

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I do agree that it doesn't work if only one person is trying. But it doesn't sound like you're not trying. You just don't know how to try the right ways. I don't think you'll find out how to better speak in therapy by quitting or taking a break. That's like trying to overcome a phobia by avoiding the thing you're afraid of