[Soccer mom]

I have seen my T off and on for 5 years but more consistently lately due to my mom passing. At the beginning of this series, my T was awesome and texted me in between sessions. I think now that was actually bad for me. I have figured out she texted things that I wish my mom had said to me growing up: "I'm here..." "I can talk anytime...".
Yesterday I told her she's my first T and I feel like I treat her more as a friend sometimes. She said her type of therapy is different (starts with the word "social") and allows for more self-disclosure than other types. I told her I feel awkward texting sometimes not wanting to cross boundaries. She said she's fine with it and I"m one of the few she texts with.
So, after feeling much better yesterday I still don't feel good. I think about her too much: wondering what she's doing, seeing an article and thinking she'd find it funny, thinking about what we'll talk about next week, etc. I don't want to feel so dependent and needy with someone I can't have a full relationship with. I need this more with my friends than a T I can't see all the time.
I think I need to ask her to phase me out or at least be aware. It's going to hurt to lose the closeness but I feel like the closeness is preventing me from moving on. In the past when I've left her sessions, I've thought I'm never coming back because I didn't need to anymore.

[HazelGirl]

It's normal. Definitely don't quit!

These are things to bring up with her and talk about.

[InRealLife45]

Originally Posted by Soccer mom

I have seen my T off and on for 5 years but more consistently lately due to my mom passing. At the beginning of this series, my T was awesome and texted me in between sessions. I think now that was actually bad for me. I have figured out she texted things that I wish my mom had said to me growing up: "I'm here..." "I can talk anytime...".
Yesterday I told her she's my first T and I feel like I treat her more as a friend sometimes. She said her type of therapy is different (starts with the word "social") and allows for more self-disclosure than other types. I told her I feel awkward texting sometimes not wanting to cross boundaries. She said she's fine with it and I"m one of the few she texts with.
So, after feeling much better yesterday I still don't feel good. I think about her too much: wondering what she's doing, seeing an article and thinking she'd find it funny, thinking about what we'll talk about next week, etc. I don't want to feel so dependent and needy with someone I can't have a full relationship with. I need this more with my friends than a T I can't see all the time.
I think I need to ask her to phase me out or at least be aware. It's going to hurt to lose the closeness but I feel like the closeness is preventing me from moving on. In the past when I've left her sessions, I've thought I'm never coming back because I didn't need to anymore.

that dependency isnt bad...the relationship just has limits. if you feel its helping you to see her, even though you think you have too much access...keep going. but if going is basically a paid lunch, and you feel no benefit, then maybe it is time for a break.

[always_wondering]

I understand your feelings. Its a quandary. You become attached, but its frustrating because T is not your friend. I am going in today to ask my T (again) to help me become less dependent on him. I need him, but want to let go. I have been having this battle inside me for a year now. Its getting quite tiring.

[Perna]

If you feel you do not need therapy anymore, I would discuss that with her, maybe you have gotten all you can/need to from this therapist or therapy at this time. I would not quit just because I enjoyed working with her though, I know I enjoyed my therapist and her style and strove to bring similar ways of being into my own life (and succeeded somewhat :-)

[unaluna]

If she says things you wish your mom had said, and your mom has just passed, then why dont you talk about that with her? Thats not really something your friends can help you with, but it IS smething that a t can help you with. Basically you have the opportunity to go thru the mourning process with a professional. It sounds like there were at least some problems in your family of origin. I dont know where people get this idea of breaking up a relationship because it might hurt when it ends. Really youre seeing a healer/doctor and you will stop when it stops hurting, just like any other disease.

[iheartjacques]

I leant on my t very heavily when my mother died. T was like a mother figure to me. She gave me a statue called @the sign for love" to try and remind me that my mother did love me even if she didn't show it. But I use it to remind me others do love me even if I didn't feel loved by my mother.

[iheartjacques]

It did pass. Took about six months of heavy grief. Your t is what could pull you through your grief too.