A comment from my T

At the end of my session yesterday we were talking about how he won't be in the office on Tuesday like he normally is. We were walking down the hallway back to the waiting room and I said I figured out why you are going to be gone he said ok why...I said you just don't love us anymore. He said I never loved you guys any way. I laughed but deep down it hurt. I didn't mean romantic love. I meant that you don't care about us anymore but couldn't bring myself to say that. Now I am wondering does he really care about all of us clients or is he faking it? I want to ask him soooooooo bad but am scared of the response.

Jbug

JBug, I learned not to pay too much attention to my T "after" sessions when we were having "casual" conversation as they're no longer thinking 100% in T mode. I know I joke with lots of people, pretending to whine "you don't love me anymore!" when I don't get my way about some silly thing; I think it's a common mock-complaint. I also amuse people with my

Nobody loves me
Everybody hates me
I'm going out to the garden
and eat worms.

I think your T was just following a formula play-type; as if you were trying to hold him hostage (you don't love me anymore. . .or you'd do/say what I want you to) and the way out of that "corner" is to say you didn't love the other in the first place so there's no leverage, way they can unduly influence you. We (my brothers, cousins, friends, etc.) use to make comments like that growing up all the time.

I'm quite sure he loves working with you and isn't just pretending. It's not possible for most people to work in therapy if they're pretending, they'd get burnt out instantly and their feelings would show no matter how good a pretender they were. You'd be able to tell in your heart if your T were pretending/insincere. Trust yourself and your T.

I think I would be hurt too but the more I think about it, this kind of joke is sort of a diffuser of tension. Sounds like he was talking about patients collectively and not you in paticular. Maybe he is using the moment to be a"real person" and let you in that he is human too, and maybe having a rough day and feeling "outnumbered" by his clients. In a weird way it is a moment of intimacy.

I'd still let him know you were a little hurt, maybe he can be more clear about what he meant!

Hi Jannie,
I have a couple of psychologists in my family so I asked them each how they feel about their clients. They both said they love their clients, highly respect them, don't like them to suffer, respect each client's process, have empathy for them, and want them to do well. I asked if they ever have a client they don't like and they each told me no, but they have had clients who "frustrated" them because however hard they tried to help that particular client, they sometimes were not able to as quickly as they would have liked, if at all.

I know that doesn't help how you felt about your T's statement. I encourage you to talk to him about it though. I am certain that he would not want you feeling this way and would like the opportunity to explain what he meant.
Okie

((((hugs)))) I'm sorry your T said that. They are human, and sometimes they say human things Please do share how it hurt you to hear that, because T's need to know and have the feedback. Your T might have second guessed himself on that already, and been wondering how it affected you, for real.

I don't think a T should ever say something like that, even in jest, but that's my POV.

I am supposed to call my t on monday to tell him how I got through the weekend. I have been having some real problems with nightmares the last couple of nights so am supposed to check in on Monday and tell him how the weekend went. I will tell him how it felt when he said that. I don't thjink I would have had the courage to do it until after y'all's comments. thanks for your input. BTW Skv it\s good to see you back!

Jbug