[Patagonia]

My first question is do you decide what to talk about in T or what you're working on? My T always asks me what do I wanto work on? My first thought is "you're lucky enough that I'm actually sitting here. You're the T, you decide, you lead."
My usual answer is I don't know.

Second question. I haven't seen my T in over two wks. She shared something w/me that a 'part' did & it really upset me. She said something to this effect after 10min of silence.
"Last time we met I felt like we were really connecting & on track. Then I got sick & had to take a break. Today we're not connecting at all which sometimes happens w/other clients not just you. I'm also on prednisone & I think it's effecting me & I'm just not feeling a connection. Do you wanto stop early?"

Part of me jumped on this opportunity & took off 20min into the appt feeling very angry & hopeless. Another huge part of me felt like she was giving up on me & throwing in the towel on me. She made no effort to connect w/me. No questions. Nothing. She just let me sit in silence. I feel like she quit on me.
A small part of me knows that prednisone is a nasty drug...but was she using this as an excuse to to quit.
It hurt me a lot. I wanted her so badly to act concerned or ask me questions to help me open up. She just said...see you next wk.
what do you think?

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[HazelGirl]

I think she was having health issues and trying to be honest with you. And you took that to mean she was making excuses.

Sounds like she was being honest with you that she was not at all feeling herself and that it might be better to stop the session than to continue on feeling the way she was feeling. I would appreciate that honesty really. Do you really wish she would have "acted" connected when she wasn't physically able to do so? You'd rather she be disingenuous?

[Freewilled]

I think she shouldn't come to work then if she's not well enough to do her job. Jmo...

Originally Posted by Freewilled

I think she shouldn't come to work then if she's not well enough to do her job. Jmo...

It's quite possible it hit her as she sat there. Prednisone will do that to you.

[stopdog]

I would tell her how it seemed to me.

[Favorite Jeans]

Is she making you pay for the session?

It sounds like she's taking responsibility for her part of the disconnect rather than foist it all on you which I think is admirable.

Ideally she'd have cancelled if she wasn't feeling well but I think it's pretty common to leave the house feeling okay and start to feel progressively less well as the day wears on.

[Patagonia]

Thank you for the responses.
No I did t pay for the session.

I think I get too sensitive around her & read Into things when I'm in session. I just always feel like I'm failing her.
I felt like she kept saying we weren't connecting & it was my fault for not talking.

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[AllyIsHopeful]

Is everything ok now between you and T?

[Patagonia]

We're going to try again on tomorrow. There always seems to be some type of rift between us. I've been seeing her for over a yr now & I'm still not comfortable w/ her & don't know why.

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[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by Patagonia

We're going to try again on tomorrow. There always seems to be some type of rift between us. I've been seeing her for over a yr now & I'm still not comfortable w/ her & don't know why.

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A year isn't a long time. It might take you longer than a year and that's okay.

[Patagonia]

I had another session w/T & we talked about the email that an alter sent to her. This alter is a bit of a tattle tale but it got the ball rolling on a subject that I needed to get off my chest & start to talk about.
I got some of it out although there's so much more. She thanked me for sharing & trusting her. At the end she told me she had nothing going on over the weekend & to contact her if I needed to. That she'd be there for me & knows how badly I'm hurting. This was Thursday.
Friday I sent her an email thanking her for her help. I told her how I'm having such terrible problems w/ nightmares & asked what to do about them?
I also asked her about what I shod share w/my H & that I needed some advice, that things were very tense at home. My H knows very little about the extent of my abuse. I'm getting very little sleep & it's effecting my home life.
There's been no answer from her which makes me feel like she does t care. I'm sure there's excuses to why she didn't answer, but it comes down to the fact that I constantly feel abandoned by her. She helps a little & then puts me off. I know I'm not her only client, but finally starting to know myself I realize I need someone whose going to give me that extra reassurance. This has put me into another deep depression & I already feel extremely alone. Her relationship just amplifies it. We always seem to be in the middle of some type of rift.

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[HazelGirl]

Maybe you need a T who is more responsive outside of sessions?

[Leah123]

Originally Posted by Patagonia

I had another session w/T & we talked about the email that an alter sent to her. This alter is a bit of a tattle tale but it got the ball rolling on a subject that I needed to get off my chest & start to talk about.
I got some of it out although there's so much more. She thanked me for sharing & trusting her. At the end she told me she had nothing going on over the weekend & to contact her if I needed to. That she'd be there for me & knows how badly I'm hurting. This was Thursday.
Friday I sent her an email thanking her for her help. I told her how I'm having such terrible problems w/ nightmares & asked what to do about them?
I also asked her about what I shod share w/my H & that I needed some advice, that things were very tense at home. My H knows very little about the extent of my abuse. I'm getting very little sleep & it's effecting my home life.
There's been no answer from her which makes me feel like she does t care. I'm sure there's excuses to why she didn't answer, but it comes down to the fact that I constantly feel abandoned by her. She helps a little & then puts me off. I know I'm not her only client, but finally starting to know myself I realize I need someone whose going to give me that extra reassurance. This has put me into another deep depression & I already feel extremely alone. Her relationship just amplifies it. We always seem to be in the middle of some type of rift.

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I'm sorry you're struggling. I do think if you've been seeing her a year and not felt a connection or like there's been progress yet, might be time to consider finding another therapist. I would feel so let down to have her offer to let me contact her and then not hear back.

[precaryous]

Originally Posted by Patagonia

My first question is do you decide what to talk about in T or what you're working on? My T always asks me what do I wanto work on? My first thought is "you're lucky enough that I'm actually sitting here. You're the T, you decide, you lead."
My usual answer is I don't know.

Second question. I haven't seen my T in over two wks. She shared something w/me that a 'part' did & it really upset me. She said something to this effect after 10min of silence.
"Last time we met I felt like we were really connecting & on track. Then I got sick & had to take a break. Today we're not connecting at all which sometimes happens w/other clients not just you. I'm also on prednisone & I think it's effecting me & I'm just not feeling a connection. Do you wanto stop early?"

Part of me jumped on this opportunity & took off 20min into the appt feeling very angry & hopeless. Another huge part of me felt like she was giving up on me & throwing in the towel on me. She made no effort to connect w/me. No questions. Nothing. She just let me sit in silence. I feel like she quit on me.
A small part of me knows that prednisone is a nasty drug...but was she using this as an excuse to to quit.
It hurt me a lot. I wanted her so badly to act concerned or ask me questions to help me open up. She just said...see you next wk.
what do you think?

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Hi, Patagonia.

You drive therapy.

Most always I go to therapy with a list of notes, topics and questions. I usually start off talking about the issue that is bothering me the most.

You can begin by saying, "I need to vent about a few things..." She may have some questions after listening to you that will help keep the conversation going.

Secondly, I imagine she was telling the truth that she was just not feeling at her best. I'm sorry you were disappointed.

You are right, prednisone can do weird things to emotions.

When do you see at again?

Is email the only option for contact? How about a text or phone call? Maybe she hasn't checked her email this weekend for some reason?

[Patagonia]

I see her on Tuesday this week. My philosophy on T is "it's your job to help me open up & pull down these walls." I'm not the type to go in & just gush. I'm extremely defensive & u trusting so silence is my main defense. I feel like, & I know this is childish, that she has to prove to me that she wants to help me, be there for me & that I'll constantly test that theory. I've found T's to be the way I view the police. Untrustworthy & only arrive to cause trouble.

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[Patagonia]

She said I can call, but to me it's a last resort as a plea for help. I hate to breakdown & use it knowing there's not much she can do for me over the phone except say, we'll talk about this the next time we meet.

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[healingme4me]

Do you have any other people in your life, to bounce the H issue off of?

Seems like a precarious conundrum, of how you view therapy and your T. Seems, from this thread, alone, the expectations of T, are leading to a resolution of disappointment in your past and present. As though, meeting all the internal expectations would be a panacea, yet, acceptance of reality of her role, may place you at acceptance of how the world around you works, in a grey area is how it is.
Hope you'll get an answer from your T.
First weekend of summer, can be hectic for many.

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[Patagonia]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Do you have any other people in your life, to bounce the H issue off of?

Seems like a precarious conundrum, of how you view therapy and your T. Seems, from this thread, alone, the expectations of T, are leading to a resolution of disappointment in your past and present. As though, meeting all the internal expectations would be a panacea, yet, acceptance of reality of her role, may place you at acceptance of how the world around you works, in a grey area is how it is.
Hope you'll get an answer from your T.
First weekend of summer, can be hectic for many.

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So do you mean that I'm expecting too much from her & what I'd like to get from therapy? That I'm seeing things too black & white? I'm not sure what you're saying.
Thanks

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[HazelGirl]

I think HM4M is saying that maybe you think her care of you will make the trauma go away, or will "heal" it simply because she is available and attentive, unlike your parents. But trauma work doesn't work like that.

[Patagonia]

I guess I really don't know what I'm doing in T then.

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[HazelGirl]

Can you ask your T about her treatment methods and goals?

[Patagonia]

She's using traumatic incident reduction, one for SI & suicidal ideation & we did emdr a few times but I dissociate.

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[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by Patagonia

She's using traumatic incident reduction, one for SI & suicidal ideation & we did emdr a few times but I dissociate.

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That sounds like a good plan. So the thing now is just sticking with it. I know it's hard, but those will eventually help.