[AllyIsHopeful]

I have just been prescribed, by my pdoc, 10mg of ambien to take every night at bedtime. It is a last resort attempt to treat my phobia around going to bed. Since I was not too comfortable with this drug, due to the scary, unpredictable reactions in different people and also for its habit forming potential, I do not take it every night.

But I just realized after it kicks in, I still finish up things I am doing before bed and have found some strange things. This morning I realized I had taken a bit more than the recommended dose after it had kicked in. I was half asleep but realized I was doing it. BUT I also realized I had taken one of my other meds while I was sleeping. I went to take it in the morning and there was only one left.

Tonight I found a page in my notebook with a bunch of crazy, half-coherent writing. It was a note to my partner. It was not only bizarre, but I spelled simple things wrong and stated something about sleep being dangerous and if I'm awake it will be trouble....? Then I wrote about a few issues we were having and didn't make sense. I ended it with stating I will be going off into the dark to see what happens. Under the letter there is a strange, disturbing abstract drawing.

Basically...I was really uncomfortable seeing what I wrote. I guess this is why they stress that Ambien could be dangerous for depressed people by creating suicidal tendencies.

Thank you for patiently reading/skimming the back story, I promise it pertains to this forum

I have an appointment with my T tomorrow and I will not see her until Monday after that. This is distressing because I am not doing well right now. At all. I struggle to come on this forum...Isolation has gotten that bad . You all are my go-to people when sh** hits the fan. I really need this extra support right now but have been struggling with initiating asking for it (with my T included). I am in a very dark and scary place and I'm not sure I have experienced this before. Every day I'm just glad I'm still here.

Does anybody think I should talk to her about this note I found and about the potential of accidental/intentional (due to MDD diagnosis) overdose on Ambien? And since Ambien is a hypnotic, I'm wondering if that note has actual meaning or if I was just being ridiculous.

Is it worth it to bring it up? I don't want to waste my time because this is just one of many things right now. I am at a loss as to what the most important issue/situation we should discuss tomorrow is since she is taking thursday-sunday off.

What would you do? Thank you for reading.

[JustShakey]

That sounds scary Ally. I'd definitely tell her about it. And let pdoc know ASAP as well.

[AllyIsHopeful]

Originally Posted by JustShakey

That sounds scary Ally. I'd definitely tell her about it. And let pdoc know ASAP as well.

********Trigger due to talk of Suicide***********

Yeah I am a little freaked out. More concerned about doing something impulsive in the wrong state of mind. No going back after that. I would like to see my pdoc sooner but just saw him last week. He gave me 8 weeks till our next appointment.
He increased a bunch of my meds, added ambien, and gave me refills for July. When I see him (I love my pdoc and he does amazing, compassionate work) I feel unheard...maybe I'm not communicating in the right way? I basically just requested what I needed and that was that.

Is this something worth calling him about? I haven't tried to act on a suicidal though or SH'd on ambien so I'm not sure.

[catastrophic]

Yes you should call your pdoc and have a chat to him about the side effects you are experiencing

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Yes, I think you should get in touch with your pdoc and let him know, and also tell your T. Could you bring the notebook with you and show her? I definitely think it sounds important and meaningful to talk about.

[unaluna]

Why are you doing stuff after you take the ambien? Didnt you read the instructions? Or is that part of the problem, you arent able to follow them?

[AllyIsHopeful]

Thanks for the responses. Yes I plan on bringing the notebook. I think the whole session will be structured (hopefully) regarding medication management and all of the side effects I've been having. So many concerns about this stuff because I do not feel like myself. I have zero interest in talking to anyone and rarely go out.

I don't see my Psychiatrist for another 8 weeks! I can call and see if he can get me in sooner but I really don't know what he can do. We first tried clonazepam before bed to help me sleep but I could fight the tired feeling from benzos, so I needed something that forced me to go to bed. I do go to bed shortly after taking it, but I'm up for a small amount of time before. I don't even recall writing that note and when my medication was missing, I didn't recall taking it. Ambien is some crazy stuff.

[UnderRugSwept]

I would talk to both your Pdoc and your T...definitely call your Pdoc right away, if you can.
If my Pdoc gives me something new to try, he asks me to followup by phone as I begin taking it; perhaps you can ask for something like that with new drugs or dose increases so you can check in if you aren't going to be seeing your Pdoc for a few months?
I agree that Ambien can be dangerous for some people, and I am sorry this happened to you. It sounds scary. I have sleep issues as well, but I refuse to take it because I think I would probably do really unsafe things...like go driving in my convertible in the middle of the night, because I love to do that.

[AllyIsHopeful]

Originally Posted by hankster

Why are you doing stuff after you take the ambien? Didnt you read the instructions? Or is that part of the problem, you arent able to follow them?

I have a phobia around going to bed. It's not insomnia- I can fall asleep anywhere, anytime. Once the sun kicks in a slow panic begins. The anxiety increases until it is "time to go to bed". This is a very hard issue for me to conquer but also a priority since it is messing with my quality of living and my health.

The fear all comes from multiple traumas when I was little.

I *want* to follow the label but i literally feel like I'm going to die when I lay down and wait for it to kick in (even if it is super fast!). I get sidetrack doing things for a few minutes to an hour and then go to bed.

[unaluna]

Ive been taking it safely for like ten years. It HAS to be the last thing you do. I brush my teeth after, but thats it - i wouldnt try to shower after taking it. I would never make it out of the tub! I do watch tv in bed (private practice reruns on the weekend - so theres doctors!) or read in bed - or read pc on my phone in bed. You need some good rituals like that, sounds like.

[UnderRugSwept]

Originally Posted by hankster

Why are you doing stuff after you take the ambien? Didnt you read the instructions? Or is that part of the problem, you arent able to follow them?

Ambien has that side effect on some people...they do things like eat, drive, etc while they are "knocked out" and don't know it; they don't remember doing it the next day. It's very scary...kinda like sleep walking. That side effect has nothing to do with taking the medication incorrectly.

[AllyIsHopeful]

Originally Posted by Elsewhere

I would talk to both your Pdoc and your T...definitely call your Pdoc right away, if you can.
If my Pdoc gives me something new to try, he asks me to followup by phone as I begin taking it; perhaps you can ask for something like that with new drugs or dose increases so you can check in if you aren't going to be seeing your Pdoc for a few months?
I agree that Ambien can be dangerous for some people, and I am sorry this happened to you. It sounds scary. I have sleep issues as well, but I refuse to take it because I think I would probably do really unsafe things...like go driving in my convertible in the middle of the night, because I love to do that.

I'll try giving them a call this week and see what my T says tomorrow. Ambien is pretty intense. It works, though, but I'm nervous things will get worse or what I might possibly do if I'm in a terrible state of mind. There are many stories of people going to bed immediately but still getting up later and doing things they don't remember the next day.

[UnderRugSwept]

Originally Posted by AllyIsHopeful

I have a phobia around going to bed. It's not insomnia- I can fall asleep anywhere, anytime. Once the sun kicks in a slow panic begins. The anxiety increases until it is "time to go to bed". This is a very hard issue for me to conquer but also a priority since it is messing with my quality of living and my health.

The fear all comes from multiple traumas when I was little.

I *want* to follow the label but i literally feel like I'm going to die when I lay down and wait for it to kick in (even if it is super fast!). I get sidetrack doing things for a few minutes to an hour and then go to bed.

If your brain is still going, I doubt it would make much of a difference. What I am trying to say is, even if you laid down after you took it, I am guessing you might have done the same things because you are unable to "unwind"....which I get and it really sucks. I hate anxiety.

[AllyIsHopeful]

Originally Posted by hankster

Ive been taking it safely for like ten years. It HAS to be the last thing you do. I brush my teeth after, but thats it - i wouldnt try to shower after taking it. I would never make it out of the tub! I do watch tv in bed (private practice reruns on the weekend - so theres doctors!) or read in bed.

That's all I do as well...never anything crazy. I get in bed, watch T.V., Journal if I need to, make a list for the next day, and that's pretty much it. Sometimes I'll be online but I get bored and annoyed with the bright light so I end up closing my laptop.

The things I mentioned....I'm clueless. I have no idea when I wrote that letter or drew and I don't recall taking one of my pills I was supposed to take when I wake up.

[UnderRugSwept]

Originally Posted by AllyIsHopeful

I'll try giving them a call this week and see what my T says tomorrow. Ambien is pretty intense. It works, though, but I'm nervous things will get worse or what I might possibly do if I'm in a terrible state of mind. There are many stories of people going to bed immediately but still getting up later and doing things they don't remember the next day.

You are right to be cautious. I am glad you see your T tomorrow. I hope she can help you.

[AllyIsHopeful]

Originally Posted by Elsewhere

If your brain is still going, I doubt it would make much of a difference. What I am trying to say is, even if you laid down after you took it, I am guessing you might have done the same things because you are unable to "unwind"....which I get and it really sucks. I hate anxiety.

The thing is I am a pro at fighting the sleepiness caused by normal sleep aids. Clonazepam made me sleepy and calm but I have such anxiety getting into bed and laying down. There's flashbacks and discomfort and feelings of impending doom. I never want anything to do with it. BUT they tried this on me twice before with good results. My pdoc wants to reset my sleep wake cycle because I'm sleeping when the sun is out and up when it is dark. In other words, I've been nocturnal for close to a year now. Before that year, it would happen on and off. Ambien was last resort. Once I take it, I have zero choice-I'm falling asleep...Like it or not!

[rainbow8]

I took ambien for a few days, then read about people getting up, having sex, eating meals, and doing weird things they didn't remember the next day. The recommended dose for women only was cut in half, I read. You're supposed to take it in bed when you are going to sleep.

I would tell your T but more importantly, don't wait 8 weeks. Call your pdoc now and tell him your reactions. Maybe ambien isn't for you. I wouldn't take anymore until you speak to him. It's a powerful and potent drug!

[looking4polaris]

Yes, tell your T AND call your pdoc to update him/her, too.

I also have difficult trauma related sleep issues and no sleeping pill, sedative, antipsychotic or other typical "knock-out" drug can get me to sleep. Ambien was a disaster and I did all kinds of scary things without being aware.
The drug that has been a lifesaver and gotten me on a normal sleep schedule and even controlled my nightmares (I didn't think it was possible) is prazosin. You might look into that. I have no side effects from it, either. I was worried I wouldn't be able to take it because of a heart condition, but all my docs gave it the thumbs up and it's been great. First time in my life since childhood that I'm not scared/unable to sleep.

Good luck to you.

[ThisWayOut]

Hey, I definitely wanted to reply to this. Please DO tell your therapist about this, and call your pdoc today, don't wait for later in the week.
I have similar debilitating anxiety before bed (starts after sunset and gets progressively worse). I too, get terrified to go to bed, only I cannot pinpoint why. I have found meds don't work for me either, and I had similar issues with ambien (even when taken as instructed on the lable). I actaully stopped the ambien after waking more than once to having self-harmed (woke up covered in blood the following morning) or done other dangerous things at night after taking the med (walked outside in January to walk the dogs in over a foot of snow... naked. Only reason I knew it happened was that my neighbor confronted me about it the following day. He was concerned). I have yet to find a medication that works to help me sleep and get over my anxiety safety.
Anyway, the only things that have helped lately was 1) picturing my therapist in the room keeping watch, 2) having my dogs sleep on top of me. Is there anything that can help you feel safe when you go to bed? You said you have a partner, do you guys live together? Would having your partner go with you to bed, or hold you in bed, or even just "keep watch" until you are asleep help anything? Do you have pets? would it help to have them there with you? Does sleeping with the light on help? Can you read yourself a comforting book?
I'm sure you and your T have tried a lot of stuff like this, but maybe something will help this time around? I know that kind of stuff helps once in a while for me, and not always, but I thought I would suggest it anyway. I also wanted to let you know I can totally relate to the insane anxiety before bed...

[Petra5ed]

Yeah, I would show her the note. The note makes sense, you said you wrote sleep is dangerous, and you probably feel that way since you said you have a phobia around bedtime.

I had some weird experiences with Ambien so I stopped taking it. It never made me suicidal, but I did walk around in a half sleep state doing weird stuff.

[HazelGirl]

There are other hypnotics they can try in the same class as Ambien that might work. That is very scary. Who knows what you did or how much sleep you actually got. You're right to be concerned and afraid of those effects, and yeah, you could end up hurting yourself or someone else while on it.

[Lauliza]

You should tell your T but definitely call your pdoc as soon as possible and talk about this since there could be alternatives. I took Ambien for a while and had the weird side effects. And I followed the instructions too - I took it in my bed, no earlier. The effect for me lasted into the next day - luckily I didn't do anything dramatic but I didn't remember a lot - I essentially lost chunks of time. I ended up going with different meds for sleep since I was still forgetful the day after taking it and it just left me uneasy.

I have panic aruond bed time too and have taken benzos which help, but like you they don't make me tired enough for sleep. There are a lot of other meds (like Seraquel, Trazedone, Clonadine and others) for this issue that a good psychiatrist can consider for your problem that could help.

[Depletion]

I used to have a lot of bed time panic too. I take Trazedone and some other anti anxiety herbal supplements like passion flower and theanine. I also drink a drink that has Valerian in it an hour before bed time.

Have you tried having a calming routine before bed, like doing some nigh time yoga, or doing a guide sleep meditation? Would it help to be cuddled or held before bed, maybe your partner could do that for you? Or do you have any stuffed animals that make you feel safe, that you could hold before bed, or in bed. I seriously can't sleep without my teddy bear.

Good luck with all of this. Not sleeping is terrible. I hope you are able to find some relief soon.

[Crescent Moon]

That all sounds like a very disturbing experience. I think I'd rather have trouble getting in bed than know I was doing disturbing things while sleeping.

Can you let yourself fall asleep in a lazy boy chair or sitting on a comfortable couch watching tv?

Ambien sounds like bad news for you.

Did you show her the note?

That sounds really scary.Check with your doctor, but I think the clinical guidelines for women is 5 mg., and men 10 mg. I take 5 mg now, but a doctor I was seeing before rxd 10. I don't remember, but it's possible that the strange behavior is dose dependent. If you reduce your dosage to 5 mg, considering you took too much that one time, maybe that won't happen again. Seriously-trying it again might be worth it since it sounds it's really important for you to get a sleep aid.

I cant' tell you how many times I've accidentally taken medication twice, while accidentally skipping it at other times. I often forget whether I took something or not. Ambien never gave me any problems....

Definitely call your psychiatrist as well. It could be just the new drugs in your system at once-maybe you did that before you even went to sleep?

Sorry to hear about your struggles Ally. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help support you. I'm glad you came here and started this thread.