T cried in my session

I'm a bit stunned by what happened in my session today. I don't normally see my T on Wednesdays but I'm really struggling and he had a cancellation.

We've been going through a big rupture this week (one of many) and it was just a really awful, difficult session where I felt like my T just wasn't connecting with me or empathising with me. At the end of the session, I told my T that I wished I hadn't come, I felt even worse than before I came in, I couldn't cope and was life really supposed to be like this?

And my T burst into tears. He started sobbing that he hated what had happened to me, he hated what I had to go through. I said: "You don't mean you hate me, do you?" He said no, he hated this world that had done this to me, he hated it. Then he just kind of sobbed like a wounded animal.

I said: "I don't know whether to apologise or thank you." My T said: "There isn't a requirement for you to do anything within this room." I said: "I can't believe you're crying and you're still talking like a therapy textbook."

Then I said: "Nobody has ever got upset like that for me." My T said: "I know." He cried a bit more. I was crying too. And then I started asking if he was angry with me, if I had done something bad to him, so he wrote me a note saying he wasn't angry, with a smiley face on it.

I'm sure some people will say it was unprofessional to lose control. But it was just about the most honest, most authentic, most helpful thing he could have done. This might not make any sense, but I feel more like a person than I did yesterday.

I'm not really sure if they were his feelings or mine, though.

I think it's really telling that you're not sure whose feelings they were. I think you both were upset over what happened to you, and that you were sharing those feelings. They weren't either one of yours, they were both, if that makes sense.

Thanks HazelGirl, it really does make sense. It felt like we were both sitting in the feelings, if you see what I mean.

Yeah, you brought the feelings into the space. The space becomes like a tangible third player. It manifests itself in different ways, but thats how it feels to me, like a real thing. Somebody asked here recently, does it make a difference to say it out loud? I think it makes it available for transformation by the universe. Catholic transubstantiation keeps coming to mind. I mean, that would at least explain it, in a way, imo.

This sounds really powerful Tinyrabbit. I am so pleased you had some relief and like a validation of your feelings. I think your T sounds amazing and very very special. Take good care of yourself. Ax

Very powerful. I hope things get better for you after this. What a breakthrough

i just had something like this happen in my session. my t lost a client (suicide) a while back and i had no idea. he'd canceled a session with me and i just assumed something personal had come up. anyway, i deal with suicidal ideation and I was having a particularly rough week and i said something snarky to him. My t started to tell me that he'd lost a client recently and as he started, i watched him lose control of the grief. He ended up outright sobbing.

Like you, i don't think it was unprofessional. In all honesty, it generated a lot of really complicated emotions for me but in the long time he's been my t he's always been uber professional (not cold, just not overly emotional, very in check and whatnot). they were definitely his emotions tho. when i talked to him later about it, he admitted it was a mix of feeling the loss and also seeing me struggle so hard.

i'm still kind of sorting through it.

I am glad it seemed useful for you

This is so touching! Thank you for sharing it!

And speaking of T's crying, mine hasn't ever actually cried (I think she knows it would overwhelm me). But she has gotten teary eyed a few times, and at our last appointment, she was talking about something and her voice cracked a little, so I knew she was experiencing a lot of emotion. But she hasn't ever cried.

Wow, what a powerful story!
I totally wouldn't call it unprofessional. It's so good to see your T allows himself to be 'human'. That's the example every client deserves imo.

Thanks for all the replies and hugs. I'm still a bit stunned.

Forwardinreverse, I think you make a very good point about allowing himself to be human. It was really powerful.

Of course now I'm worrying that he means he hates it because it's so annoying having to work with me. But if he meant that I don't think he would cry.

Of course not. If he hated you he wouldn't cry. I mean... I think it's clear that he cried because he felt for you, because he hates what happened to you.
Because he cares a lot about you. No doubt about that, especially because he also said it to you. He sounds like a really good T.

Wow what a special honest moment, my t has told its ok for her to shed tears in session.

tinyrabbit~ this is going to sound silly but i'm going to say it anyways. I would have had therapy today if my therapist wasn't on vacation and I was missing here when I opened this post and it made me cry. I think it is awesome that he can feel that for you. Thanks for sharing.

Thanks Forwardinreverse. The weird thing is, until right now, I forgot one of the most important parts. After I asked if he hated me, he said: "No! I LOVE you!" Then started saying about how he hated the world etc.

Parley, that's not silly at all.

Oh my gosh, that's so sweet! I don't know how T's do it. They get all the most broken people to wander into their offices, listen to how broken they are, try to help the best they can, get super attached to them, and then let them go back out into the world hoping the changes will last. Or their client quits. Or their client commits suicide. Or there's an accident or an illness. Or any number of things happen. I can't imagine.

i think it sounds like he was really honest with you. my t talks about me needing to feel 'the love' lol. i think that's kind of what has to happen here maybe? i think the good ones get into it b/c they want to help and i think they're more empathetic with people. sorry if that sounds rambly.

Oh man. I'm glad I'm the only one who has had this experience. My T has cried in my last two sessions.

I really appreciate her for it. It made me feel safe, secure, accepted and as odd as this sounds...human.

I would be extremely touched.

Exactly this!

Thank you, Tinyrabbit. It shows he really really cares about you and how you are doing.
It will be interesting to see what he says next time you see him.

Sounds like a very touching moment.

Wow, that was a very powerful reaction! I'm glad it brought some comfort to you. I don't think it is wrong for T's to react this way, but it is how they handle it and whether or not they lose complete control.
Thank you for sharing this experience.