[guilloche]

I saw the potential-new-T yesterday.

I'm feeling torn. I originally wrote a very long message, but I think I can sum it up...

The main positive for me was that he seems really *solid*. I feel like he is someone who won't be easily pulled into my craziness and misery. This is important to me (previous Ts have not done so well here). I also think I appreciate his directness.

However, the biggest negative was a comment he made. I had told him that sometimes I don't have enough to do at work, and get bored - and that it was a problem. He looked incredulous and asked why I wasn't thanking the heavens that I was getting paid to do nothing.

Um... that bothers me. How about because "doing nothing" is boring? Because my skills are deteriorating? Because my brain is rotting away? Because I'm not providing value to the company and thus could be easily laid off? Because I'd like to feel useful and make a contribution to the team? Should I go on?

I think beyond that... it makes me wonder how well he understands people (surely my feelings in this situation aren't that unusual?!) and what he thinks of HIS job (if he'd prefer to do as little work as possible for as much money as possible - note his fees ARE higher than any other T I've seen!).

There were a few other, smaller red flags for me as well.

I don't know, part of me is tempted to go back because I want to figure out how to make my life better and I think *maybe* he could help. But I'm not sure... the red flags are kind of adding up a bit, and he IS expensive... even only going 2x/month, it's going to be a bit of a squeeze for me.

I've considered going back for one more session to sort of test the waters a bit. Basically to "practice" confrontation (I usually avoid) and tell him what my concerns are (that comment, some of the other red flags). Maybe I'm misreading his comment, and if I gave him a chance to explain...?

I don't know if that's a waste of time and money? I think I'd be more likely to give him another chance if he weren't SO expensive.

Thanks for any advice... I didn't sleep well last night, up tossing and turning and unable to stop running over the T-session in my head, trying to decide what to do... I don't know why I feel pulled to go back, given how stressed before and after I was... maybe it's smarter to just drop it?

Thanks!!!

[HazelGirl]

Hmm...I say give it a try for a few weeks and see how it goes. It can't hurt. But if you still don't feel like it's a good match, then move on.

[RTerroni]

Do what you feel is best.

[TheWell]

I think going back and practicing your confrontation skills is a great idea! We all need to learn to tell someone when something is troubling us and this would be a great opportunity for that.

Good luck.

[guilloche]

Thanks... I'm going to think some more on this.

HazelGirl, thanks I appreciate the input and reminder that I can go back once or twice without making a long-term committment. I don't have to decide after one session (yay) - so not as much pressure. Thank you for that reminder!

Thanks RTerroni... I'm trying but my sense of "what's best" sometimes feels really not very grounded in reality!

TheWell - thanks! It's helpful to hear that it's a good idea... I was feeling good about it, but am getting more nervous (of course)... it would probably be good practice though. I keep thinking, if nothing else, it would give me a chance to REALLY see how he'd react - some Ts I've seen take stuff personally (when they should know better) - if he's good, I think he'd understand that I'm not attacking him, I'm trying to sort through stuff, and if he can get that this early on - that would be a great sign and actually help me alot in building trust.

Thanks!

[TheWell]

I totally agree with your assessment that if he takes it well that he would be good to work with.