[Nikkimittens]

My therapist is elderly, she's 79 which is a bit questioning but regardless of that she's seems uninformed for a therapist, she wasn't familiar with the 3 forms of attachment styles and she had no clue what polygamy was. We we're talking about my boyfriend and I having a swinger oriented sex life and she looked at me confused and said "A relationship is a commitment to one person." which it is commonly but there's people who are polyamorous. Relationships work in different ways for different people and in one previous therapy session to that she told me that she used to sleep with a man that was married when she was younger (not that she was condoning the behavior but she's being a bit of a hypocrite) I just am a bit turned off that someone who should be aware of certain key things in psychology is unaware about them. She also has said that a sociopath and psychopath are the SAME thing and that's just obviously not true....

[Lauliza]

I think it's a little harsh, I mean she's 79 years old. At this point she's at the end of her career and probably still practicing becuase she loves it. But to be informed on polygamy? I don't see that as something someone from her generation would know much about unless there is a personal interest there.

When she trained, there was a lot of different information on attachment. She may have just learned different terminology in her day, as there are new theories all the time. Psychology is a very inexact science.

Psychopath and sociopath are terms that are used interchangibly all the time. Sociopath is a legal term anyway- it's antisocial personality disorder that is the true psych term. I think the only real difference is the origin...Antisocial PD is mostly environmental, Psychopath is seen as mostly genetic. I think within the psych world, again, there is a lot of argument and debate with these issues.

I'm curious why you would be seeing such an elderly T anyway. As you've expressed, it must be hard to relate to someone from such a far removed generation.

[unaluna]

Omg! She SHOULD be familiar with the 3 attachment styles - she was probably there when they were invented!! How did you find her? And how quickly can you lose her?? I dont see a good match here. I dont think my t will be that clueless in ten years, if he is still around, so i dont think its strictly an age thing, but it is definitely an attitude thing. She has had that stick up her posterior for a very long time.

[HazelGirl]

It definitely sounds like you might need a T who is more up to date.

[Perna]

I do not know what your issues are but sounds like, from your post, they may be sex-related and, obviously, this woman is not the one to be able to discuss these things with you in a way you would find helpful?

A relationship is one-to-one; you cannot attend fully to more than one "thing" at a time (there is no such thing as multi-tasking either, it is just sequential tasking really fast). Sexual preferences/sexual "loving" do not a whole relationship make.

[Asiablue]

If she's practicing, it is absolutely her duty to keep up with changes in psychological theory and social changes. She sounds completely out of touch.

[brillskep]

I think attachment theory is important but in some therapeutic orientations it's not emphasized much. As for polygamy, it sounds to me like a case of someone holding on tightly to their own values. Not a good thing for a therapist, of course, but I don't think that's an issue with her training as much as it is an issue with her attitude toward her clients' values which may be different from hers. Of course, though, whatever the reason, if you feel uncomfortable with her and how she's treating you, by all means do find someone else. It sounds to me like she's not the best therapist for your particular circumstances and needs in therapy. I hope you will find someone who can accept you as you are without trying to tell you how your relationships should be. The rest of it - debates about psych-related semantics and psych topics a therapist may be unfamiliar with - I just think that nobody knows it all and psychotherapy is a profession in which one has to be a lifelong learner.

[UnderRugSwept]

Yes, your T seems clueless. Attachment styles, polyamory...it's called "continuing education" and she should get some. Her age is no excuse. Does she claim to specialize in relationships? Because that would be even worse.

I have two Ts and have talked at length with both of them re: sociopaths and psychopaths...one of my Ts is very educated on the subject matter and has recommended a few books to me. One of them is "The Sociopath Next Door," by Martha Stout, Ph.D. It's a great book.

She writes, " Many mental health professionals refer to the condition of little or no conscience as 'antisocial personality disorder,' a noncorrectable disfigurement of character that is now thought to be present in about 4% of the population - that is to say, 1 in 25 people. This condition of missing conscience is called by other names, too, most often "sociopathy," or the somewhat more familiar term psychopathy. Guiltlessness was in fact the first personality disorder to be recognized by psychiatry."

Basically, from what I have read and both my Ts have agreed, if you want to really boil down the difference between the terms, psychopaths are violent, whereas sociopaths aren't necessarily. Of course you can Google sociopaths vs. psychopaths and find lots of other opinions as well.

[CameraObscura]

Regardless of her age, if she's not familiar with issues relevant to the work you need to do or your lifestyle, finding another therapist is probably the way to go.

I'm in a polyamorous relationship (consensual nonmonogamy fist bump of solidarity!), and I have tried and failed to work with therapists who just thought polyamory was wrong. I brought one a copy of "Opening Up" so he could read about it and he said his wife would leave him if she saw him reading that. That was our last session. I have had one successful therapy relationship with a t who was unfamiliar with it, but he went out and did a lot of reading and some consultation, and learned about it.

Not knowing about attachment theory is bollocks, Bowlby was publishing his papers on attachment in the forties and fifties.

I hope you find a therapist who is a better fit for you.

[Nikkimittens]

Originally Posted by Lauliza

I think it's a little harsh, I mean she's 79 years old. At this point she's at the end of her career and probably still practicing becuase she loves it. But to be informed on polygamy? I don't see that as something someone from her generation would know much about unless there is a personal interest there.

When she trained, there was a lot of different information on attachment. She may have just learned different terminology in her day, as there are new theories all the time. Psychology is a very inexact science.

Psychopath and sociopath are terms that are used interchangibly all the time. Sociopath is a legal term anyway- it's antisocial personality disorder that is the true psych term. I think the only real difference is the origin...Antisocial PD is mostly environmental, Psychopath is seen as mostly genetic. I think within the psych world, again, there is a lot of argument and debate with these issues.

I'm curious why you would be seeing such an elderly T anyway. As you've expressed, it must be hard to relate to someone from such a far removed generation.

But if you're going to have clients from a completely separate generation I think it's important to stay on topic with current changes and social norms to have a better understanding of your clients. She has clients that are younger THAN me and I'm 19. Polygamy has been practiced for longer than just modern day even if it wasn't something socially acceptable during her prime, I still think that it's something someone in psychology should know about. Monogamy isn't for everyone and I'm sure during her time and all of humanity people have struggled with issues of affairs and promiscuity, this isn't anything new. You're right with our age gap being unsuitable, it's my first therapist so I didn't have any specific characteristics I was looking for because I didn't know what expect.

[tinyrabbit]

It's also concerning that she told you about her sex life.

[Petra5ed]

You definitely need a younger T. She's too old. Stupid economy, I feel bad for her...

[growlycat]

It doesn't bother me that she shared a detail of her sex life--what bothers me is that she equated that with polygamy/polyamory alternate lifestyles.

It is not the same her situation was not two partners agreeing to see other people.
Alternate lifestyles involve consenting adults. BIG difference.

Sounds like a bad T fit.

[Nobodyandnothing]

Is there any reason you cannot switch therapists?