Told T about childhood sexual abuse... What happens next?

Twenty sessions in, my T asked me why i hated being touched and I recovered and reopened all my repressed memories of continous sexual abuse by my uncle, from the age of 3. I remember everything now, and I'd blanked it out for so long. Anyway, I told her and we talked about it in the past 2 sessions. She thinks it definitely contributed to my MDD, GAD, SA and OCD etc. she also was very shocked and asked me for details which made me so uncomfortable.

Now I've let it out, I can't sleep because I see his face and hands when I closed my eyes. I keep having flashbacks, can't stand anyone in close proximity, thoughts of killing and hurting men, feel unclean, his hands all over me.

What happens next? I started therapy for major depression and developed co-morbid disorders as a result, but now the abuse is out she thinks i will need to see her for a long time - a lot longer than it was originally meant to be.

So what will happen? Its a stupid question but i want to know what you think we'll do, how we will talk about this. Thank you

I don't know. I'm actually still waiting to tell my story but I wanted to congratulate you on your bravery.

You are very brave for sharing that.

Trauma work is hard but hopefully you'll come out the other side stronger for it.

You should definitely tell your T that you are having flashbacks etc.

In my experience, the therapist has asked further questions and i either answer or don't. The one I see used to start by saying something insane like "last week we talked about some really hard things" and it baffled me as the part she focussed on was not hard to talk about and she would not pay attention to me when I tried to tell her what was. But that is probably not the usual experience with therapists.. She also used to try to insist I must feel x or y about things, when I really just do not. Finally, every so often she would decide to have a light appointment and talk about other things. This I found irritating and refused to go along with it usually. I get to decide when to lighten things up, not a therapist.

Well, now you spend your time walking through it and healing from it. That means learning ways to reduce anxiety, telling your story, changing long-held beliefs that were put there because of the abuse, and finding all the ways the abuse shaped you and how you can undo it. It's a very long process, but it's supposed to be good once you're done. I'm in the middle of it, so I don't know that for sure

What I do know is that it gets worse before it gets better, and you have to just stick it out through the hellish parts.

Dear 8888an8888,

Congratulations on taking back your voice.

As to what happens now - that is fully within your power. Whatever happens, make sure you set the pace. It can take a while after disclosure to really walk through it all, it doesn't always happen immediately - the important thing is that you direct things from now, and try to remain as self-aware as possible, so that you know you are managing.

And like another poster said, it would be advisable to inform your therapist what you are experiencing since your disclosure, so they can guide you to align your therapy accordingly.

Yeah so for me it was weird. I sort of glazed over it when I told T. I just very quickly told her who and when, no details and then we talked about other stuff... so she didn't even bring it up at the next session. She thought I was bugged because we talked about my husband. (I had previously told her he is off the table for discussion because none of my issues are his fault, so I'm not bringing him into it.) Anyway, I'm not bugged to talk about my husband, but she thought that was what had been upsetting me. Nope.

When I told her the issue, the discussion was more about the fall out from it when I was a kid, and how that instilled a lack of boundaries in me. Or unclear boundaries. Or no boundaries. Or something like that.

'Thank you guys. I'm really interested in this process. The thing is, only my dad knows about the abuse - my mom, whose brother was the abuser, has no idea. I'm scared she will find out. Do you think I should tell her or not?
I'm thinking not because she is very emotionally fragile and quite neurotic, and this would devastate her to hear, as she adores her brother tremendously - so do the rest of our family. I don't think she would believe me, or she would question him and he would completely utterly deny it.

Do you think I should tell her or not?

I never told my parents about the family member. For me, I just did not see the point. For some people, it helps to tell their parents or even confront the person themselves from what I have read. It just is not the choice I have chosen.

Thanks stopdog, no i don't think i will tell her as there would be no benefits... So much easier if just dad knows and i discuss it in therapy.

It might be better to wait before saying anything. I have chosen not to say anything to my family at this point about what I have gone through. I will tell others, but not my family.

Thanks HazelGirl. Its just i'm a minor and my T is telling my psych doc about the abuse, and i'm terrified they will tell my mom. Do you think they would?

It's hard to say. First of all, as long as you're no longer in danger, they aren't ethically required to. However, they may still choose to. It's something you should talk to them about because of your concern.

It depends what in danger means really... I mean, most of it I remember was when I was younger - it was easier for him to get away with and I was much smaller. I still see him but as my dad knows about abuse, i am not left alone with him so i can't see him doing what he used to...

They might definitely say something then, and they might legally be required to. They might even be legally required to report it to CPS, depending on the state you live in (if you live in the United States). But that's not something they or you can control. That's a legal issue and they would be required to obey the law.

I find it almost impossible to tell T about some thing that happened a long time ago.
I half managed it and finished up telling her I could remember no more as it was just ridiculous how hard it is too us words to describe things.
Some times I think they could try a bit harder to help rather than just sitting their in silence.

Oh god, i really can't handle that. If i tell them it is not ongoing will that make a difference? The sexual abuse was inappropriate touching etc etc btw

I don't think it would. You have to understand that it isn't about what they think. It's about what the law says. I know that is really hard, but you're still allowed around your uncle. As long as that is going on, there's the potential that they will have to legally say something.

I live in the UK now (moved ages ago from NJ) so i'm not sure what the law is. Agh i'm so anxious and scared

I have no idea what the law is in the UK. The best you can do is ask, and see what they say.

Ok i will, thank you HazelGirl for taking the time to answer all my questions

I suffered mistreatment for a couple of very early years in daycare. Never told my mom, dad once walked in on an abusive incident while picking me up. I think my mom had a sense something was up and both chose to ignore or diminish the situation.

I understand not seeing a benefit to talking to them about it. My mom's drinking would probably get worse and she would use it to wallow in guilt, not to build a stronger relationship with me.

Hugs to you, I don't know the answer but I can relate.

Didn't work for me to tell anyone in the family. The fallout was terrible. Don't know why the victims are made to feel like they're the cause of all the problems, not the perpetrator. But, doubt has been cast on his character, and her character too, so...
But I haven't brought it up with current T. I'm over it. I've got other things to deal with in the present moment.

In reference to telling family, it's a difficult one. I would recommend making sure a professional knows first.

I told. At age 9 I told my Nana. She told me not to tell anyone. So, I didn't, until I was 13, and wrote a letter to my best friend. The sexual abuse got more severe as I went through puberty (found out later this is common), he was excited about the changes in my body and became more intrusive in several ways. So, my Nana's avoidance of the situation led to me experiencing much more severe abuse than before, and for another 4 years. What can you do? I trusted her completely. So, if she says don't tell, and he says don't tell, you don't tell.

This taught me that family don't always know how to deal with it, perhaps it is generational, but rather than risk being told to keep it to yourself by someone who can't cope with the knowledge, I would suggest telling someone who has a duty of care - doctor, psych, counsellor, teacher, social worker, support worker, abuse helpline, hell - even your dentist. Someone who has a duty of care can lose their job if they do not protect you. You would think that duty of care goes without saying in families, but people harbour strange ways that we are not always aware of, and that put us at risk. So, initially, disclosure to a professional is probably safest.

Thank you. That must have been so awful. I agree, I'm just keeping it with my dad, my T and my pdoc (if T tells her). I think in the case of sexual abuse, family aren't really always the best people to tell. I know that if my mom knew, she would have a breakdown and be absolutely devastated. She ADORES my childhood abuser, and to be honest I am struggling with feelings of love for him too, and complete betrayal for what he did to me.