[melania]

I feel so guilty i ever posted here about my t.
I will ask moderators to delete all my threads about my love with him.
I made a mistake talking about him public. How could i? What have he done? Nothing. He just wanted to be good t and make me feel happy, he wanted to help me, he always forgave me and never judged me, never did harm to me.
It seems yhat all the world is against therapists. The world take away any responsibility from clients and therapist always is guilty even when he wasnt.
Oh why? I know that there are abused and broken people but its not fair to say that you are saints when you seduct your t and he couldnt say no. Some are abused yes im sorry for them) but some just wanted to do it and did. Both people are guilty then.

It hurts when i read your comments about my t. I know he wanted just good for me and tried so hard but i... i just hurt him all the time.
I still cant understand why people must not hug before a little break. I touched him so i didnt respect him. I didnt want to hurt him.
And i know for sure he never wanted to hurt me.
I said too much bad things and so rarely said thank you. Im so selfish.
It kills me that he feels so guilty that he crossed the line with me. He thinks like you all think - that he is so bad t and that he did harm to me because he touched me. I just felt loved. I just felt happt. And then he chose his damned boundaries and put the wall between us. I went crazy just because he wanted to be good therapist.
What have he done to me? Nothing. He just tried to be good t but i... i was worst of all his patients.

Dont say he is bad. Dont say im not guilty. I know his heart.
He is my best t, my best friend, my eveything.
I hope that someday we will understand each other. We are no angels. We hurted and was hurted by each other thought we never wanted to.

And, my love, if you read it, forgive me that i told about us here. I really feel sorry for it.

[precaryous]

I'm not a saint. But he groomed and seduced me.
Even if I had seduced him..he had the duty to say no. Don't tell me he couldn't say no. He was trained in ethics. In that state his exploiting me is even a felony. He should have said, "No!"

I'm not some poor broken mental patient. I am not a seductive siren, either. I was exploited. I was fooled, conned. I believed in this man. When you say "both people are guilty, then," you are wrong. You are blaming the victim. You are blaming me, and I will not allow it. You can speak for yourself but don't you dare blame me.

It's still not your fault. You did not take the Ethics classes he took in medical school. You did not take an oath to do no harm. He did! Perhaps he didn't intend to harm you. Perhaps he was love sick.Perhaps he had a momentary lapse in judgement. He made a mistake. That happens. But it's still his fault.

If you are watching a child who runs in the street, do you tell her, "No!" ...or do you blame the child, who didn't know any better, for getting hurt? He knew better. You did not.

Do not blame the victim!

[GenCat]

I understand your feelings of shame for talking about your T. You were just looking for support and answers, not people telling you he is bad and to get away from him. Like with me, no one but yourself can know what to do and only you make that decision. It is hard but you will be shown what to do in time. I feel for you, I really do.

[melania]

Precarious i never said that you are guilty, you were in different situation and im sorry it happened to you, i agree that he was horrible.
Maybe its the reason why you think that way also about my t and maybe others ones t but your situation was different from mine. You were abused, i wasnt. I dont say that abused people are guilty. Of course they arent.
But my situation was different. He never did harm to me. And noa everything is like fanatic believer in thetapy think- there are these damned boundaries between us. And this wall hurts me.
I dont want to discuss, im tired of never being understood.

[growlycat]

Melania, you are very hard on yourself. If T crossed a line it is his responsibility.
It is hard to tell from your posts what happened? Hard to know how far he went.

I may be one of those that read too much into your posts? Maybe nothing has happened beyond a kiss and I misunderstood?

You've seen my posts. I understand that kind of feeling towards T.
They are the ones in power though, and even with good intentions can do damage. Take care and I'm sorry if I "piled on" in response.

[anilam]

I can see how sometimes the client could be "asking for it"- in most cases reenacting an unhealthy pattern of his/hers- still the T should remain the paid professional he is and either still help the client to deal with this behavior or, if he feels like he can't, step away from this situation and refer the client to s.o. Who can.

PC offers a support and I can see a lot of support and care in posts responding to you. It just is not the support you think you want- blaming you how bad you are for wanting your T, how great your T is... Sorry, but that seems unhealthy to me. He's a T, older than you are, married- he "played" with you when he felt like it and kicked you to the curb when, again, he felt like it- I don't see much care about YOUR needs in this RS.
Yes, I don't know him, could well be a great T for s.o. else, I do think, however, that you deserve to be treated (and helped) better.

[precaryous]

Originally Posted by melania

Precarious i never said that you are guilty, you were in different situation and im sorry it happened to you, i agree that he was horrible.
Maybe its the reason why you think that way also about my t and maybe others ones t but your situation was different from mine. You were abused, i wasnt. I dont say that abused people are guilty. Of course they arent.
But my situation was different. He never did harm to me. And noa everything is like fanatic believer in thetapy think- there are these damned boundaries between us. And this wall hurts me.
I dont want to discuss, im tired of never being understood.

Melania, No, we are similar. He didn't force himself on me. I felt love for him like you feel love for your T. His rejection hurt and confused me....just like where you are now. I loved how he made me feel special. I longed to have that feeling again. I actually thanked him for letting me love him. Then it stopped.

All the terrible things he said and did that you read about happened after I confronted him about my confusion.

I identify with you so strongly. Neither of our T's helped us with the problems that brought us to therapy in the first place....instead, they gave us more problems.

One of our differences is that I am farther down the road than you are. The t in my case took advantage of me on purpose. Maybe your T did not do this with the purpose to hurt you...but you are hurt all the same.

I also am guessing that your T may have been "love sick." He may have genuine loving feelings for you. I agree, not all T's set out as predators.

But you are hurt. You say the walls of the boundaries hurt you. If he had decided to say, "No," and discouraged his own feelings, you would not be in this situation.
He didn't force you, he didn't physically harm you. You even felt loved. Like me.
But he emotionally hurt you and confused you. You even say so in an earlier thread. I'll find it and post it for you. The other evidence that he emotionally hurt you is that you are here, telling us how much pain you are in.

I hate that you are in pain.

I wish you peace and comfort.

[iheartjacques]

I know your T was trying to show you love, and then he realised he did the wrong thing and stepped back. The only reason I think you could see someone different is so you can get better without feeling all this pain and hurt, because you want your T to do it again.

[melania]

Im sorry if I made you feel not okay with this post.
I just wanted to say how i feel and I didn't want to say that you are bad because of telling me what you think. I just said that it hurts me and makes me feel more guilty.
Anyway- I made a mistake by telling my story here, I told what I must not told and I was bad to you too, you wanted to help me but I just said bad things to you.

[melania]

Originally Posted by growlycat

Melania, you are very hard on yourself. If T crossed a line it is his responsibility.
It is hard to tell from your posts what happened? Hard to know how far he went.

I may be one of those that read too much into your posts? Maybe nothing has happened beyond a kiss and I misunderstood?

You've seen my posts. I understand that kind of feeling towards T.
They are the ones in power though, and even with good intentions can do damage. Take care and I'm sorry if I "piled on" in response.

I think I will feel more guilty if I told here everything what happened between us.

[melania]

Originally Posted by iheartjacques

I know your T was trying to show you love, and then he realised he did the wrong thing and stepped back. The only reason I think you could see someone different is so you can get better without feeling all this pain and hurt, because you want your T to do it again.

Yes I agree with you and Im going to see my ex worked who is psychologist and I trust her because I know her in real life,

[precaryous]

Originally Posted by melania

Im sorry if I made you feel not okay with this post.
I just wanted to say how i feel and I didn't want to say that you are bad because of telling me what you think. I just said that it hurts me and makes me feel more guilty.
Anyway- I made a mistake by telling my story here, I told what I must not told and I was bad to you too, you wanted to help me but I just said bad things to you.

It is ok. I am fine.
I am sorry you are hurting.

[Topiarysurvivor]

Hugs to you Melania. I'm sorry you feel so bad about what people have said - and I know I'm one of them. Please keep talking. We are just trying to help, and I know sometimes when you post it makes me feel like a mama bear who wants to protect you and anyone else in the same situation. You're going through a lot of pain. Hang in there.