Yesterday's Sesh

Could you start setting clearer boundaries around what people say to you? Instead of being nice, say "I don't appreciate it when you try to flirt with me/say this about me. Please stop."

Maybe.

When it comes to feelings and things, I don't prefer to make other people uncomfortable. Especially when I've been a willing participant in the past... It just seems kinder to ease him into a different relationship style.

I could have been more stand-offish with him though. When he said something about going away and not bugging me, I did give him a hug. Which could be interpreted as extending myself in that way.

I need to keep practicing boundary things. I have almost no experience with them.

But you have to for your own sake. Don't allow guys to get a cheap thrill over seducing you. You're more valuable than that.

This is a big "dynamic" thing for me. Like the dynamic of who I am and how I interact with others. I think I would have to fundamentally change who I am, which is maybe not necessary... or maybe is. I'm not sure. Have to think about it. Not sure I expressed what I'm trying to figure out very well. Words / thoughts jumbled.

But maybe maybe maybe that is what they get out of it. I wondered for a long time why my guys at work, and this FB guy were so... entangled with me. I didn't get what they got out of it. And I don't like assigning negative motives like "manipulation" because I don't think it's that nefarious. It's just they have needs and I have needs and somehow we met them for each other. Nobody was trying to hurt/injure/manipulate anyone else. It just worked for awhile, and now it isn't working for me.

Anyway, I gotta think about your respnse some more, HG. Thanks for continuing to talk to me.

Warning: Rant Ahead

I don't believe people need sex. Yes, they enjoy sex, and it bonds people closer together. But we don't need it. What we need is emotional intimacy, but people have replaced that with cheap physical intimacy as if it would make up for it. It doesn't. Think of emotional intimacy as vegetables and physical intimacy as junk food. We don't need the junk food, but we can fool ourselves into believe we don't need the vegetables by eating tons of junk food. Eventually, though, we get fat and die of heart disease. In the same way, we can use sex as a poor, non-nutritional substitute for emotional intimacy. But in the process, we end up becoming emotionally deprived and dead inside. A "healthy diet" of intimacy is a lot of emotional intimacy sprinkled with some physical intimacy.

Oh, and flirting is not emotional intimacy. It's like opening up the bag of potato chips and smelling it. In and of itself harmless, but it leads to more substituting of true emotional intimacy with physical intimacy. After smelling potato chips, would you rather eat junk food or vegetables?

I don't agree with any of this.
But I am not a huge fan of potato chips either.

I am not surprised that you wouldn't agree...

I actually think that sort of opinion dangerous and leads to much unnecessary unhappiness and pointless guilt.
I don't believe people should rush into things but sex and physical intimacy are not wrong unless forced or coerced. In my opinion.

I don't think they are wrong, either. Just like junk food isn't inherently wrong. And it's obviously not a perfect metaphor, nothing is ever 100% perfect. But physical intimacy as a substitute for emotional intimacy is what will leave you emotionally dead inside. If you only ever indulge physically and never have a real emotional connection with someone, you will emotionally starve to death.

I disagree. I choose not do it, but not because of the reasons you give. I don't think anything always leads any one result.