attachment and therapy

Seriously, no one else would be pissed if an attachment style changed due to therapy and you liked your old one? If it was not a goal you agreed to?

I really don't think an attachment style can change without some participation by the client. Therapy isn't voodoo.

well. maybe? but honestly i don't even know what an attachment style is. is there like a list?

I kind of agree with this. Change isn't fast to happen in therapy, so it isn't like the therapist waves a magic wand and poof, your attachment style changes. I would guess that kind of change would be extremely slow in happening and the client would not be a passive participant in that kind of change. It isn't like it would happen without them being aware something was changing within them and all of the sudden they realize this huge change in how they see and approach relationships has been completely altered.

I would be pissed if T had a goal for me which I did not agree with.

For example, I've told CBT T on more than one occasion that I an agnostic with atheist leanings, and that I don't need a backstory to feel that our world is amazing. I am perfectly ok with my ambivalence towards spirituality yet he will occasionally address it as a category in my life that may need addressing.

No it does not. And I have bigger fish to fry!

ps sometimes I throw ideas out there, but it doesn't mean I know what I'm talking about



(just as the word transference can be used inaccurately. I probably do so with other psych concepts)

Same here. I have never ever heard of transference, countertransference, inner child, etc until I came across this forum. Most of it doesn't make sense to me, because I don't analyze my relationship with my therapist. I analyze what we talk about.

My relationship with my therapist is fine except for some minor trust issues that are related to my misdiagnosis and the way I was treated. It is improving as was get to know each other.

Only the first therapist has gone on at me about attachment and even tried talking about little stopdog (that went over like a lead balloon). But the other has used technical terms also. Possibly because I showed her the list of books I had been reading.

I don't actually agree with this - one could participate trying to get a different result on a whole other matter and instead it leads to a change in ways one does not wish to change. The woman has even agreed it could happen. Fortunately for me, I know to keep an eye on it now.

And I do think therapists try to impose their will on clients more than perhaps some of you do. I have specifically had to stop the woman on certain things because they are mine and not hers to change. But she was trying and somedays she still does. It means I must remain vigilant. She has admitted to trying to get me to see her/use her (her word was "use") as a good thing (she actually used a term I do not think wise to use here) despite me telling her I was not interested in any such thing.

I had no awareness of attachment styles (and not sure I'm comfortable with the concept as it seems rather reductionist to me) while in therapy. Certain templates which characterized relationships were certainly active, but I wouldn't say there was a fixed style. Some of those templates were fueled by defenses which, as they melted, I'm sure changed an aspect of relating. And this happened largely without awareness on my part until after the fact. So I suppose in that sense a change could happen unconsciously. But my goal wasn't to maintain a stranglehold on defenses that defined/controlled myself in relationship, so it was ok. Again, this process happened within a trusted relationship; if it had been important to me to not engage in a relationship, then I might have been uncomfortable with such a change.