[Patagonia]

I tell only my T's my deepest, darkest hurts & my life story.
Just wondering if I would die, would my T's be able to tell my partner these stories? Since it wouldn't be a break in confidentiality?

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[someone321]

Why would T do it? I guess, if you asked your T to do it, they would (or rather they could freak out what your plans are if you ask them for something like this) but otherwise I do not know the reason why T would do something like this - to help your partner with the grief?

[Patagonia]

Yes probably to help my partner. There's so many things I'd like to explain to him but can't. He doesn't understand Mental illness. Maybe it would make sense?

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[someone321]

Originally Posted by Patagonia

Yes probably to help my partner. There's so many things I'd like to explain to him but can't. He doesn't understand Mental illness. Maybe it would make sense?

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Do you think that something like that could happen when you are still alive? My husband only knows that I am in therapy but has no idea why or what i am talking about and in my case I guess (or hope at least) he would be very supportive but I just cannot explain him all these things... I also thought that maybe just in case it would be nice if T afterwards would talk to him and explain but... Some weeks ago, I started thinking that maybe it is not the best option just to wait for the death? Maybe T could do it when I am actually alive? Just before T's holidays for around 10 seconds we discussed that I was thinking that maybe in the far future my H could once come to the session, but we stopped discussing it as it was too scary for me... But maybe it could work for you? Maybe your T could talk to your partner if you feel that your partner doesn't understand how mental illnesses actually work?

[Patagonia]

I don't think my H knows who I am. How sick I am. I'm a different person for him & my family. I could never tell him everything. Yes...too scary!

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[Leah123]

I thought this too, but it was partly symptomatic of my illness. When I got up the courage to share what was really going on with my husband, he responded just fine. Not perfectly, but well enough. It was very good for our relationship, for me in our relationship, to be more authentic.

When you keep your anxiety about being known bottled up, it is like a virus that goes unchecked. Your anxiety will convince you that the need for silence is powerful and that you should be too frightened to talk to your spouse, because it has nothing to counter it, no perspective. Perhaps you can air out those fears in therapy.

Perhaps you can have a little hope and consider it a goal to open up a little to your husband. If you just make that a possibility it could lead you to a better place. I did it gradually.

Your therapist wouldn't speak of you to him after your death. The ethics around keeping your disclosures private would still be in play.

[someone321]

Originally Posted by Patagonia

I don't think my H knows who I am. How sick I am. I'm a different person for him & my family. I could never tell him everything. Yes...too scary!

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I could write this post by myself, word by word and no, I will not tell my H everything neither... I just thought that maybe T could explain H something, not facts but maybe how difficult some things are and that e.g. sometimes I do not water the plants etc. not because I'm simply lazy but because it terrifies me and I'm paralyzed only when i think about it.Thus, I guess some things could be explained even without giving all details... I hope so...

Originally Posted by Patagonia

I don't think my H knows who I am. How sick I am. I'm a different person for him & my family. I could never tell him everything. Yes...too scary!

I'm the same - I could never tell H about my mental status, how much I am hurting, or anything about my therapy (so I have chosen not to tell him that I am in therapy.) This does not have to be a bad thing, you know. For me, it allows me the space to get better without demands from the outside. I know that for me, in my relationship, it would be a bad thing to open up more, but every relationship is different. We can't look at what other people would do, and do the same, if we don't think it is the right thing for us.

As for your question, I think it depends on where you are in the world, but I would imagine that laws and/or ethical guidelines are in place to protect the client's privacy even after their death, in many places. In my country a T is not allowed to disclose anything about their client, if the client should die.

[sweepy62]

My h does not know hardly anything about why I am in therapy, just told him of mood disorders and such, and I would not want him to know after my death either, I think that would remain confindential.

[Aloneandafraid]

The only other person who knows I am seeing my T is the person who recommended me to see her (they are both T's) and she is the person I texted in crisis last week who hasn't responded to my messages. I see now that I was too much for her so she passed me on to her friend. It hurts. Really hurts and i am ashamed.

I would never tell my H - he would be furious that I was spending money on myself and talking about him. He would flip out and probably leave! He is very controlling and would just go mad. It actually really frightens me.

[Xenon]

Pretty sure that would still be considered a break in confidentiality. Some Ts will speak to their clients' partners, family members, etc. when they're still alive, with their client's permission, to explain some things and answer their questions. But what they tell would have to be okayed first.