Recently I began learning how to find/connect and dialogue with what T calls my "inner therapist", she says we all have one. It has taken some practice, but I've had several conversations with her now; a bit along the lines of doing Active Imagination if you will. I asked her what is your name this morning, and she told me. My grandmother's middle name, interestingly enough. But it makes sense because my grandma was the one person in my life when I was a kid/early teen who I felt truly loved ME, no matter if that ME was what she expected or not. So, cool. Anyway I'm in a sharing mood so here's the gist of this morning's convo:

After she told me her name, I asked her what she thinks I need to know the most right now in my current dilemma re: my sexuality. She told me that it is so important for me to speak my truth from my heart, to live my truth, and that includes my sexuality. She told me "You won't ever get an answer to your dilemma by running away from it - by not facing E." And she asked what I'm afraid of. I told her again like before that I'm not afraid I'll DO anything, but it will hurt to see her and feel those feelings. She said "yes it may hurt, but how else will you figure this out, you have to experience and feel your feelings in order to listen to them." Then I thanked her for telling me the last time we talked that I could talk to T about all of this, and that she was right when she said T probably already knew. And I told her the next time I have the opportunity I will go, where I know E. will be, I will not avoid her anymore. I asked her, will you still love me no matter what I figure out? And she said I love you now, while you are struggling, why wouldn't I? As long as you are speaking and living from the truth in your heart, in your soul, I will love you. And anyone who doesn't appreciate that, doesn't deserve to know you. I thanked her and said we will talk more again soon.

I kinda like this idea of having an "inner T", maybe it's just that I've come to internalize my T, doesn't matter the what or why. It's that part of me that's deep inside and not affected by what anyone else says or thinks. Like ME at my most pure or something I don't know. I'm rambling now so I'll stop!!

[kaliope]

I think it is neat that you have this inner t. I have my own in my own way. gives me a chance to process the things t and I go over. I am glad it is working for you. take care.

[junkDNA]

i think internalizing our Ts is healing. i like that u have conversations with ur inner T. my T does work with ego states as well. ive made collages about them, describing them, giving them the appropriate size and placement . it has helped to show progress cos when i make a new collage things have changed. im glad u can channel ur inner parts in a productive way.

[BeGentle]

When you get to the point of meeting your inner therapist and learning how to apply it; what a fantastic feat! I do it all the time. I call it self-therapy along with self-talk. It has really helped me. My inner T is so smart and so reassuring. When I begin to lose ground and let my psycho family start to drag me into their pit of s**t (I like that) inner T takes over. I worked on this all weekend and, of course, slipped backwards into despair. So I kept at it and today I became even-keeled, stable, smart, determined to use self-compassion and protect myself and see how rage drives their behavior. I'm dealing with my anger and learning to recognize and process it; one thing they will never address. I will save myself and have a better life.