[NowhereUSA]

bouncing off another thread...

do you think there's an objective 'tmi' that a t can end up crossing? like is it purely subjective, that is, as long as it doesn't harm the relationship or interfere with therapy, then it's okay? how would you know if your t was telling you too much? at what point is there a boundary being pushed?

i have a very comfortable, long term relationship with my t and i've learned a lot about him over the years. i feel fine about it and he keeps therapy focused on me, but he also has no problem answering all my nosy questions. because i am a nosy person (also i have trust issues and i struggle to make connections because of my very nomadic childhood/early adulthood - so his opening up to me helps me trust easier). it works for me and has helped me make progress. but then other people would probably find my t's info tmi?

idk. thought i'd see what your thoughts and/or experiences have been.

[feralkittymom]

I don't think the default standard is whether it harms the relationship or interferes with the therapy, but whether it helps the relationship and enhances the therapy.

[stopdog]

I think it is subjective. I draw the line much quicker than it seems many do.

[HazelGirl]

I do think the goal needs to be to help you. Maybe not 100% of the time, but maybe 90% of the time it should help you. And the other 10% can be random comments. But 0% should harm you.

[UnderRugSwept]

My CBT T I have been seeing since 2011, and I have a comfortable relationship with him. He self-discloses on a very limited basis when it's useful for me, so I only know the basics about him plus a few random things. From recently talking with him about self-disclosure, he is pretty much the same with all his clients.

My other T I have been seeing for a little over a year, and he self-discloses a lot. I have found it helpful in that we have things in common (interests, sense of humor, some past experiences) so I kinda feel "more normal." I don't ask him many questions on my own without being prompted by a story or sharing on his part. Once in a while he will say something or tell a story and I am left pondering it's relevance. We do joke and just chat sometimes too, so I think that maybe he has just thought of something to tell me that I will like. He thinks it's therapeutic if I laugh. Regardless, he hasn't ever said anything that has been harmful to me in any way.

[Oceanwave]

Self-disclosure tends to depend on the way the therapist is trained but also the issues that come up in the t-client relationship. Some clients will need the therapist to disclose more than others.

[NowhereUSA]

Originally Posted by Elsewhere

My CBT T I have been seeing since 2011, and I have a comfortable relationship with him. He self-discloses on a very limited basis when it's useful for me, so I only know the basics about him plus a few random things. From recently talking with him about self-disclosure, he is pretty much the same with all his clients.

My other T I have been seeing for a little over a year, and he self-discloses a lot. I have found it helpful in that we have things in common (interests, sense of humor, some past experiences) so I kinda feel "more normal." I don't ask him many questions on my own without being prompted by a story or sharing on his part. Once in a while he will say something or tell a story and I am left pondering it's relevance. We do joke and just chat sometimes too, so I think that maybe he has just thought of something to tell me that I will like. He thinks it's therapeutic if I laugh. Regardless, he hasn't ever said anything that has been harmful to me in any way.

My t also has a few of those moments of 'wait, what?' lol but that to me is expected after six years. it's not like it's all the time and i think *he* thinks he has a point. but it always keeps therapy fun and he too is about the laughter. i had a t before him briefly and i always left so down and so sad and going to my current t is like getting a breath of fresh air which is nice with the level of depression i deal with. sometimes i feel like i can't breathe and talking to him helps me breathe.

[PeeJay]

I had a therapist who was a chatter box about the therapist's own life and I gobbled it up because I didn't know any better.

It only caused me hurt later on when that therapist had to stop practicing because the therapist's life was a mess. At that point, knowing so many bits and pieces became harmful.

The therapist's over-disclosure led me down the wrong path and I didn't understand what therapy was all about. I thought it was supposed to be give and take.