[Depletion]

So I have a long history of getting obsessed with maternal figures. They all used to be teachers, but now I get obsessed with T. My obsession is very self destructive and it causes me a great deal of harm. I want to stop. I don't want to be dysfunctional like this. But I don't know how, and another part of me doesn't want me to stop the obsession. It likes all the fantasies, and sexual pleasure.

I'm being open with my therapist about what's going on, but I don't really see how she is going to be able to help me (especially because her kindness just makes me obsess more). How is therapy suppose to help with this. Has anyone here had their therapist help them with this? What did they do that helped?

[ThisWayOut]

I'm sorry you are struggling with this. I have not yet gotten to that point with a t, but have had some help through transference stuff in the past. One t was incredibly kind, and still is though I don't see her at the moment. It makes the feelings harder a bit to deal with, but she's good about helping me separate out what's ok and what's too much. She keeps certain boundaries, but she also reminds me that there are things ok to ask for within those boundaries.
I hope you can work through it with the help of your t. I have found really strong feelings like that only go away for me if I keep facing them instead of running from them. I would imagine leaving t right now would not give you any really meaningful skills to get through the obsessions...

[rainbow8]

I've been in therapy over 20 years and have a history of crushes on both men and women before I began. I transfered those feelings to my Ts and became what I call "addicted" to therapy for that reason. So I identify with wanting to stop but being unable to. It truly feels like an addiction to me.

My previous Ts haven't been able to help. I mostly went from one T to another except for a break of about 10 years, and I'm not sure how I was able to do that, but I did. I was preoccupied with my kids and work during that time, so maybe that was it.

My most recent T who I saw for about 6 years, told me when I finally quit to see my current T, that she was sorry she couldn't help me with my attachment problems. My current T does Internal Family Systems, EMDR, and SE (somatic experiencing). Her way is to use other methods than talk therapy to help me. The main technique we are doing now is that she holds my hand at each session, for about 5 or 10 minutes, because that has always felt safe to me. The goal is to internalize the good feeling so my nervous system will become calm and I won't need my T. Nothing else has worked, so I am giving this a try! For a while, I didn't think about her, and I know I've made progress even though right now I'm having a bit of a setback.

I want to stop. I don't want to be dysfunctional like this. But I don't know how, and another part of me doesn't want me to stop the obsession. It likes all the fantasies, and sexual pleasure.
That's exactly how I feel! Part of me wants to stop, and part likes it too much. Real life doesn't compare to therapy, and I think that's the problem.

Do you have relationships in Real Life that can give you some of what you want from your T? It's probably not totally sexual, but a combination of wanting what you think your T can give you. Unfortunately, our Ts can never give us what we're missing, but they can help. What does your T suggest?

I know many Ts won't touch clients unless they're trained in somatic therapy, but it is an option if you think touch in therapy would help.

[Depletion]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I've been in therapy over 20 years and have a history of crushes on both men and women before I began. I transfered those feelings to my Ts and became what I call "addicted" to therapy for that reason. So I identify with wanting to stop but being unable to. It truly feels like an addiction to me.

My previous Ts haven't been able to help. I mostly went from one T to another except for a break of about 10 years, and I'm not sure how I was able to do that, but I did. I was preoccupied with my kids and work during that time, so maybe that was it.

My most recent T who I saw for about 6 years, told me when I finally quit to see my current T, that she was sorry she couldn't help me with my attachment problems. My current T does Internal Family Systems, EMDR, and SE (somatic experiencing). Her way is to use other methods than talk therapy to help me. The main technique we are doing now is that she holds my hand at each session, for about 5 or 10 minutes, because that has always felt safe to me. The goal is to internalize the good feeling so my nervous system will become calm and I won't need my T. Nothing else has worked, so I am giving this a try! For a while, I didn't think about her, and I know I've made progress even though right now I'm having a bit of a setback.

I want to stop. I don't want to be dysfunctional like this. But I don't know how, and another part of me doesn't want me to stop the obsession. It likes all the fantasies, and sexual pleasure.
That's exactly how I feel! Part of me wants to stop, and part likes it too much. Real life doesn't compare to therapy, and I think that's the problem.

Do you have relationships in Real Life that can give you some of what you want from your T? It's probably not totally sexual, but a combination of wanting what you think your T can give you. Unfortunately, our Ts can never give us what we're missing, but they can help. What does your T suggest?

I know many Ts won't touch clients unless they're trained in somatic therapy, but it is an option if you think touch in therapy would help.

I do have an SO. But every time I star obsessing I want to runaway from him. I start to idealize the other person and lose touch with reality. And I don't really have any other real relationships besides him.

I wish I could do touch therapy, but I don't think that anything else in the world would be a worse idea. Touch causes me to obsess like none other. But touch is important to me . Last session my T suggested that I bring a blanket to therapy. I bought a special blanket just for therapy right after that. I'm glad that she wanted me to do that. It made me feel like she cared about my needs. But now I'm not really sure how to use the blanket. Is it just for therapy, should I use it when she feels far away and I want to obsess. I really don't know. The night that I go it I laid under it for a while, and tried to think about the fact that she really does care about me. But I don't know if that is really what I'm suppose to do with it or not. I guess I will be asking her when i see her next.

[Depletion]

Bumping this just to see if anyone else wants to answer.