Brought up termination, confused about Ts response

I've been seeing my T since December (only t I've ever seen) and I think he's the greatest. He's helped me grow through some crazy trauma and process a lot of my childhood trauma too. Through therapy, I "got to know myself" really well and stopped being so afraid of myself/ my past/ my memories. I feel like a new person, well I am.

I brought it up to today that I had been thinking about when I would end therapy and if I was ready now. I told him about how I really wanted to see if I could "take care of myself." He didn't shut down the idea of ending therapy soon, but mentioned how even though the goal of a therapist is to get a client to a point where they're independent, therapists do want to have long term clients who they see for years and years because there is always something to gain from the relationship.

He talked about therapy being more of some thing that I would "want" to do rather than need, even though at first I really needed it. As much as I appreciate how he's helped me change my life, I was a little intimidated by the idea of him insinuating that he sees me being his client for so long!

Thoughts?

I'm thinking I wish I could be done with my "crazy trauma" in 7 months.

7 months of therapy, and a 500 mile pilgrimage got me to a better place, but that stuff ruled my entire life for way too many years.

I hear that~ but your not changing my wish. lol

seriously~ if I didn't need therapy, I would not be there. I don't know if that is your case but if it's time to go, I'd go. Hopefully, yall will talk about it some more and clarify things. I wouldn't go for growth. Geeze I've grown enough and if therapy doesn't make me crazy, I'll be happy to get out alive and grown enough!

I don't think you should stay. There are danger of becoming dependent. And T's sometimes have their own selfish reason for wanting someone to stay. Go and live your life, you can always come back if you need.

I can't comment on your T as I don't know the depth of your trauma.
For me, my traumas not trauma, are deep and many and couldn't be 'cured' in such a short time.
I think a T has a fine line to walk where time is an issue. For some clients hearing long term therapy is needed can be disturbing to them. For others the reassurance of long term is comforting.

What proof do you have,?
Just spewing out unproven paranoid rubbish is a waste of everyone's time

I don't think it's unreasonable to believe that as Ts are human, they can be swayed, both consciously and unconsciously, to act in ways that may favor their own interests/needs.

Without hearing the conversation it's difficult to know what the T is responding to. If he believes the OP is considering ending therapy prematurely, a possibility that statistics bear out, he may be trying to softly encourage the idea that there is more work to do, while not pathologizing the client. Many clients if faced with a T who offers no opinion either way feel the message is that the T doesn't care.

If the discussion is pursued, his intent may become more clear. Some Ts are especially careful to not "hold" the client, and will make it clear that the door is always open to return should the client change her mind.

I did not mean to wast anyone's time. I'm concerned that the therapist trying to prevent the client from leaving is a warning sign of questionable therapy. See number 4 on this list. 50 Warning Signs of Questionable Therapy and Counseling

[/QUOTE]Therapist provides no explanation of how you will know when your therapy is complete. [/QUOTE]

The therapist does no give any explanation for why the client should stay and just says that the client might want long term treatment. I see this as providing no explanation for when therapy will be done.

I also read a lot about counter-transference several moths ago when I went though a bad experience with a T. I learned things about the personalities of therapists, such as some therapist are comfortable with the one-way-intimacy that therapy provides, and can sometimes want clients to stay because the are comforted by their therapy relationships. You can read about that here if you choose: The Person Who Is the Psychotherapist

Therapy is also a monetary contract, and some therapist (esp. in private practice). Can struggle to find clients. This can lead to financial hardship, and give the therapist reasons to keep a clients when they should not.

I think that therapists are generally good people. But you have to remember that the therapy relationship answers needs for T's too (otherwise they wouldn't do it). People--even T's--can become confused about their needs, or find themselves in places of desperation. There is no way of knowing if this is the case with the OP's T, but it is worth thinking about the fact that therapy does serve the therapist too.

Finally, I take issue with the way that you respond to my post. This is suppose to be a safe place. It is fine to raise questions about the things that I write, but I expect this to be done in a polite manner. I felt personally attacked by your post, and found your tone unnecessary.

I've been told this by my own therapist - that there are some who encourage clients to stay when it's not what the client wants or needs. Ts are human too and could have a variety of reasons for this - they may like the client and and miss then if session ends, may enjoy the power of feeling needed by someone, or may simply need to reassurance of a consistent paycheck. Therapy in any practice but especially private is not easy. Although many of us on PC are deeply involved in therapy for the most part, the majority of clients actually don't attend t consistently or even return after the first session.

I've been told this by my own therapist - that there are some who encourage clients to stay when it's not what the client wants or needs. Ts are human too and could have a variety of reasons for this - they may like the client and and miss then if session ends, may enjoy the power of feeling needed by someone, or may simply need to reassurance of a consistent paycheck. Therapy in any practice but especially private is not easy. Although many of us on PC are deeply involved in therapy for the most part, the majority of clients actually don't attend t consistently or even return after the first session.

I don't understand this. Aren't therapists paid handsomely for their time? Aren't many therapists hustling for clients, which we can easily observe through their blogs, internet listings and public relations? Please google therapists + practice building.
Therapist Marketing - Websites For Therapists, Therapy Advertising

I had a therapist team who fought my termination, turning absolutely vicious, painting me as a loser, condemned to misery and failure if I left them. They took the insecurities I explored with them, enormously exaggerated them and used them as weapons against me.

It felt to me I threatened the therapists self-definition of magnificent healers and they behaved like wounded, charging animals. I see many hazards of staying with a therapist out of intimidation and don't wish my experience on anyone.

However, sincerest apologies if I wasted your time spewing paranoid rubbish.

I saw a therapist for just a few months who was recommended by a very good friend and, when I said I was quitting she told me I could not just quit -I told her watch me and I walked out.
I came to find out (she has a large lesbian and gay clientele) that she told many people they cannot quit until she is ready for them to do so, and that she has on occasion told clients if they quit she would have financial troubles. Most she told they would have some sort of crisis without her.

OP- in my opinion if the client is ready to quit, then do so. Any therapist who tries to block you from doing so is someone to avoid.

wish my t thought that. she wants to fix me and send me packing.

It is exceedingly rare to have completely worked through trauma in just 7 months, unless it was just a single event that happened. Any multiple events, such as repeated childhood abuse, take years to resolve. I think your T knows this. You may be feeling a little better now, but just based on the amount of time in therapy, you're definitely not done yet.

No one, not a therapist or even other anonymous people on a forum, can tell someone else whether they are definitely done or not.
OP- you could take a break for a few weeks and see how it goes.

I think your T was just pointing out therapy is not necessarily just feeling better/solving "a" problem. You can take a cooking course at the community college (I took one there to learn to cook fish :-) or you can go to Paris to Le Cordon Bleu Le Cordon Bleu Paris

Both are valid, depends on your interest but you may not have known about Le Cordon Bleu and he may feel you are a candidate for it. It's like those old books/movies/TV shows ("The Waltons" come to mind) where the teacher encourages someone to be the first in their family to go to college.

Does it have to be all or nothing? Can you start to space out sessions? See how you are feeling? Every other week then monthly? If you are still feeling ready than have a termination session. My previous Ts have all been vocal that I could come back if I needed to .

That's just weird. He may be more attached to you than what he should be, and if so, he should have recognized it and made sure he dealt with it in his own therapy. Only other thing I can think of is that he is worried he can't fill your spot.

I did mention ending therapy with my T about 2 months back. She said nothing in response but looked a bit unhappy. As my finances are not the best I will have to end soon though.
That's life sometimes.
Best of luck Banjolin.

I wouldn't say I'm "done" with the trauma, but I'm just feeling really good and wanting to fly the coup and see how "the new me" deals on her own.
That stuff will always affect me, just hopefully not haunt me.

Thanks guys, I guess the idea of him seeing us having this "relationship" for so long is what caught me off guard!

I do think it's odd that he said therapy should be something you do because you enjoy it. It's not like it's a hobby. I don't think there is a real standard for how long it takes to heal from abuse or other trauma. Everyone is different so what one person needs another might not. There are plenty of people who have been through trauma yet never been to therapy and somehow manage quite well. Others go to therapy for years and never seem to get a handle on anything. If you're doing well than other things suddenly take priority and therapy becomes a kind of burden. I don't think it's a big deal and a t shouldn't try up stop you unless you're in crisis, which it doesn't sound like you are. If you need to go back then you can do so.

There's this thing called "flight into health" where as soon as symptoms start improving, the client wants to leave therapy. The problem is that the first step is alleviating symptoms. But there's so much that needs to happen after you become more emotionally stable. You have a lot of work to do still, now that you feel more emotionally balanced.

I don't think anyone can tell anyone else when they are done with therapy and if they still have underlying issues to be dealt with. Regardless of what may lie underneath, I think it's the client's decision whether or not they continue. Some people don't want to dig that deep and that's totally okay. Some people may take breaks and return to therapy years later. That's okay too. I don't think there's a required path that each person must take. Just wanted to share my thoughts because it can be detrimental to only see one path as the "right" one and to come from a place of knowing what another person needs or has to work on.