Brought up termination, confused about Ts response

HazelGirl · Jul 20, 2014, 09:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SeptemberRain

I don't think anyone can tell anyone else when they are done with therapy and if they still have underlying issues to be dealt with. Regardless of what may lie underneath, I think it's the client's decision whether or not they continue. Some people don't want to dig that deep and that's totally okay. Some people may take breaks and return to therapy years later. That's okay too. I don't think there's a required path that each person must take. Just wanted to share my thoughts because it can be detrimental to only see one path as the "right" one and to come from a place of knowing what another person needs or has to work on.

Certainly, it's the client's decision whether to continue. But sometimes it's obvious to the therapist (or others) that they're not really done even if they want to be. It's actually really common.

stopdog · Jul 20, 2014, 09:48 AM

It is not for anyone else to decide when someone else is done. And I have not found it common at all to let others decide what or how much I choose to do. A good therapist will not try to keep,someone as a client longer than the client wants to be there. Regardless of all the ways a therapist or someone might want to change someone else. It is quite arrogant to think one knows what is best for someone else. And usually quite wrong.

missbella · 11:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

There's this thing called "flight into health" where as soon as symptoms start improving, the client wants to leave therapy. The problem is that the first step is alleviating symptoms. But there's so much that needs to happen after you become more emotionally stable. You have a lot of work to do still, now that you feel more emotionally balanced.

The game was to invalidate me when I was in therapy. Whatever I said meant the opposite to the therapist. When I wanted to leave he said that meant I must stay.

When someone comes on a forum, well-spoken, articulate and clear headed about what he or she wants, is cordial in responses here and tells us, I'm doing fine now and wants to leave therapy, I take that at face value.

Negating a person's reporting is similar to what my therapist did to me. He was unethical to pretend he was somehow clairvoyant.

elliemay · Jul 20, 2014, 12:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Banjolin

I've been seeing my T since December (only t I've ever seen) and I think he's the greatest. He's helped me grow through some crazy trauma and process a lot of my childhood trauma too. Through therapy, I "got to know myself" really well and stopped being so afraid of myself/ my past/ my memories. I feel like a new person, well I am.

I brought it up to today that I had been thinking about when I would end therapy and if I was ready now. I told him about how I really wanted to see if I could "take care of myself." He didn't shut down the idea of ending therapy soon, but mentioned how even though the goal of a therapist is to get a client to a point where they're independent, therapists do want to have long term clients who they see for years and years because there is always something to gain from the relationship.

He talked about therapy being more of some thing that I would "want" to do rather than need, even though at first I really needed it. As much as I appreciate how he's helped me change my life, I was a little intimidated by the idea of him insinuating that he sees me being his client for so long!

Thoughts?

Therapy does change over time. Once the ickiness fades and the trauma of actually telling, talking etc... resolves, I've certainly found the relationship with my therapist to be incredibly valuable.

I just think it's a good idea to work on myself. Talk about things with a neutral person who knows me. I don't seek advice per se, but sometimes a devil's advocate, sometimes a fresh perspective.

I've found that friends and family can't fill that role. Their lives are intertwined with mine. If I think about changing jobs, or express a problem in a relationship, it affects them. It's hard, if not outright impossible, for them to be a sounding board.

Also, my therapist likely knows me better than all of them combined. Given that knowledge he usually helps me to better understand the situation and myself in it. Sometimes I need to be reminded that, no matter the situation now, I have some sort of active role in it. I have choices. It's easy for me to forget that.

In short, therapy moves from a "treatment" phase, to a different one.

Banjolin · Jul 26, 2014, 12:03 AM

Update!
Saw t today and brought up my concerns really honestly. It went really well. He was really apologetic and tolde that he was acting selfishly because he feels really invested in me and doesn't want to see me go. We talked quite a lot about it and I felt a lot better. It's really interesting and comforting to see someone "own up to their ****" so willingly and honestly. We discussed some things to work on that I really agree with and agreed to meet every other week. We changed our meeting frequency both for my own financial reasons and my desire to start being a little bit more independent. He actually even offered to cut his rate in half for me to make sure that money wasn't my entire reason.

Yay for honesty!

blur · Jul 26, 2014, 02:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Banjolin

Update!
Saw t today and brought up my concerns really honestly. It went really well. He was really apologetic and tolde that he was acting selfishly because he feels really invested in me and doesn't want to see me go. We talked quite a lot about it and I felt a lot better. It's really interesting and comforting to see someone "own up to their ****" so willingly and honestly. We discussed some things to work on that I really agree with and agreed to meet every other week. We changed our meeting frequency both for my own financial reasons and my desire to start being a little bit more independent. He actually even offered to cut his rate in half for me to make sure that money wasn't my entire reason.

Yay for honesty!

this is great. having just read your thread i did find your T's comment a bit concerning. some people like going to therapy long-term and that is fine but is in no way a requirement for anyone. it is totally up to you when you want to leave, and if you find you need to go back chances are your T would be open to that. good job discussing this so openly with your T. i'd say just trust your gut on when to leave.

missbella · Jul 26, 2014, 10:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Banjolin

Update!
Saw t today and brought up my concerns really honestly. It went really well. He was really apologetic and tolde that he was acting selfishly because he feels really invested in me and doesn't want to see me go. We talked quite a lot about it and I felt a lot better. It's really interesting and comforting to see someone "own up to their ****" so willingly and honestly. We discussed some things to work on that I really agree with and agreed to meet every other week. We changed our meeting frequency both for my own financial reasons and my desire to start being a little bit more independent. He actually even offered to cut his rate in half for me to make sure that money wasn't my entire reason.

Yay for honesty!

It's great you talked about the problems, and that he was honest and responsible for his behavior.

I don't subscribe to the idea that psychotherapy is some sort of holy salvation, and we're required to indenture ourselves before its superintending altar. We're the consumer, the therapist is some guy who took school classes to whom we merely owe payment. If we opt for his guidance, it's completely our option, and we need not stay to comfort or gratify him. Therapy is a service to us, like an allergist prescribing nasal spray.

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Brought up termination, confused about Ts response

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