Do you ever "look" for your T at an event?

rothfan6 · Jul 21, 2014, 12:36 PM

I don't actively look for my t but people who look like him or sound like him catch my eye sometimes. He lives about 9 hours away so bumping into him isn't going to happen but sometimes I wonder what that would be like when my mind is wandering at work.

Jul 21, 2014, 01:56 PM

I do look for him at certain types of events. I saw him at a basketball game once when our kids were in the same league. One other time I thought I would probably see him at an arts festival I was volunteering at, but instead, saw his wife because she was working a booth near me so I got to spend half an hour listening to her talk to her co-worker about how great her life is. That sucked.

JustShakey · Jul 21, 2014, 02:42 PM

I don't ever expect to see him because he lives and works mostly on the other side of town. I am a little paranoid about running into some of the other Ts from the practice - I live very close so conceivably I could run into one in the grocery store picking up milk on the way home or something. I don't think I'd particularly mind running into T, though I wouldn't exactly seek it out (too awkward), but I've got - stuff - to do with other women. Always feel like I'm being watched and judged.

healed84 · Jul 21, 2014, 02:57 PM

I do in certain situations.. School events for the school our kids go to, as well as dance events as our daughters dance at the same studio. I was leaving Target one day as he was coming in, and I saw him actually in the store one day while I was there. So, I think about it a lot at Target.

roimata · Jul 21, 2014, 04:02 PM

The town we live in is small and compact (most of shops, restaurants and so on are concentrated to one area), so it's suspicious that we have not run into each other but A) I have horrible anxiety and it's a challenge to be in public places and B) I do know that she goes to an event across the street from where I live every Saturday at noon so I could probably spot her if I really wanted to, but I want the opposite. The chances of me saying hello are much lower than the chances of me stop, drop, and rolling away.

Petra5ed · Jul 21, 2014, 05:07 PM

Yes. Not all the time, but I do sometimes look for him at event or just randomly if I'm out in public, even when it's completely irrational that he would be there. I do some really irrational stuff I guess! I've also "looked" for a friend of mine I know is dead. Now this is just getting sad and pathetic...

precaryous · Jul 21, 2014, 05:14 PM

No, I don't look for my T's.
Once, I was standing in line at the pharmacy when my T at the time tapped my shoulder and gave me a happy, "Hello!" I was so surprised, I didn't know what to say. Lol

rainbow8 · Jul 21, 2014, 06:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

No, but I honestly don't think I would recognize her out of context.

I used to see my former T around and about and she looked very different outside of therapy. I think my current T would look the same except maybe she would wear more revealing clothes and maybe wear her hair in a pony tail if it was very hot.

Quote:

Originally Posted by artemis-within

I haven't actually physically seen my t in going on 2 years, so I'm not sure I'd recognize her at first if I did by chance see her out in public somehow when I wasn't expecting to. That makes me feel a little sad. Now I must pull up her online profile and look at her picture! I haven't looked in awhile anyway, I wonder if she's changed it??

I hope looking at her picture makes you feel better.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jdog123

No, I can't say that when I'm out in public that I look for her or hope to bump into her--this doesn't really cross my mind since I feel like our relationship is inside her office and for an occasional walk in the neighborhood around one of her offices. There are certainly times outside of session times when I wish I could see her, but I don't then look for her or think I'll see her. I just more internalize this and sometimes I'll share with her by email that I was feeling like I wish I could see her. I also can ask for a checkin by phone if I really need to make contact and I know that if I ask she'll always say yes, for example after difficult sessions. While I know this offer is always there, I don't ask very often.

Sounds like a good relationship. My T would be there for me too but she's trying to get me to not physically need the contact. I'm not sure it's working yet.

Quote:

Originally Posted by NowhereUSA

no, but where he lives and works and where i live are so far apart that i'd be shocked to see him out and about. i don't think i've ever thought about running into him outside of his office. like, it just has never occurred to me. i feel odd already because i'm the last appt of the day and i'll see him walking to his car as i'm getting into my car. if i think he sees me i'll wave bye but i try to play with my phone or something so i don't have to glance at him. O.O

Thanks!

Quote:

Originally Posted by artemis-within

Nope, she hasn't changed it. I sorta wish she would.

Why? You just want to see a different picture?

Quote:

Originally Posted by PeeJay

I am constantly keeping an eye out!

thanks!

Quote:

Originally Posted by ruiner

I totally do in places/events where I think they would be at as well. Just knowing they're there would be somewhat comforting. And I get bummed out if I don't see them, so I totally understand.

thanks for understanding. I used to be comforted when I saw my former T at an event after I said hi.

Quote:

Originally Posted by clairelisbeth

Sometimes, but usually only if I'm in the neighborhood where her office is, and if I'm in a place where I know that she sometimes goes. I once ran into her in the Whole Foods right after our session (she was grabbing lunch), so I keep an eye out there. Or if I'm in a place like Starbucks.

Pdoc works as a psych in a hospital in my neighborhood (around th
e as Drrner from my apt) and I know that she sometimes grabs lunch in places right near me, so I sometimes keep an eye out there, or if I'm near where her office is getting coffee or something.

thanks.

Quote:

Originally Posted by clairelisbeth

Actually, now that I'm thinking about it, whenever I plan to go to a yoga class in a stwhenevert is not my usual, I wonder if my T goes there and how funny it would be if we ever ended up in the same class (T is also a yogi)-now THAT would be weird!

My T and I do yoga but she's much more advanced. I don't think she'd ever go to my class! It would be weird though.

Jul 21, 2014, 06:16 PM

I wanna see an updated pic, as in a recent one, cuz it been so long since I've seen her and the one that's there now she's already told me is an old one. Ah but I guess it doesn't matter. I don't need to "see" her to feel our connection. Just, a silly wish I guess...

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rainbow8 · Jul 22, 2014, 12:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by eskielover

The T I was seeing when I was in a really bad place in my life was also into dressage horse showing. We both ended up at the first meeting of the local dressage club

After I no longer had her for a T, I had gone to the L A Equestrian center for a dressage clinic.....& she was there. Even though no longer my T at that time.......I actually did go back to her for about 6 months after the trauma I went through with the home care person when my mother was dying of cancer & after my mother died, my current psychologist had back surgery.....& I seriously needed someone to help me process the trauma I went through & she was local to where I lived for the temporary time until my T got back from the leave he had taken......I knew exactly why I didn't continue to go to her

....totally invalidating to everything I was dealing with & she didn't take insurance at all. Even though I didn't think that the current psychologist I had been going to was all that great at least better than her even though she was a horse person like me.

I'm sorry you had such a difficult time.

What does "dressage" mean? I know nothing about horses.

Quote:

Originally Posted by tigergirl

Rain ... have you ever actually talked with your T about what she would do if you did meet like that?

Thanks for asking. I don't remember if we talked about it but I know I wouldn't want her to ignore me! I'll bring it up next session.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mastodon

I have done, at a couple of concerts with the kind of music I know he also likes. My home town is not that big so it would not be that strange to see him. It would make me uncomfortable if he were, at least if he also spotted me, so I'm glad I never have. If we did see each other at that kind of event he might say hello and walk past, like any other acquaintance, but I suspect that if he was there in company with anyone else (I usually go to concerts alone but he might not) he wouldn't let on that we knew each other.

Thanks. I think Ts are supposed to ask if you want them to say hi or ignore you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Red75

I totally look out for her, and make sure I'm wearing something nice in case I do...
Not that it's at all likely, she lives an hour away from me

So I do understand how you feel, a least a bit. I think maybe cos our Ts know parts of the deep down us, which maybe our SO and friends don't, and we just want to see someone who understands....
or maybe we are just stalkers

Thanks! I like my T a lot; that's why.

Quote:

Originally Posted by iheartjacques

Not really. I have bumped into people but I don't think current T lives in my area.

thanks.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Parley

No~ I don't look for her but I was glad to read that I'm not the only one that might not notice her out of context.

I think that's common.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aloneandafraid

I have seen mine in the town I live a few times after our session. I smile and rush past but always wish I could stop and talk - but it just doesn't feel right. I am always on the look out for her! I wish I could see her now - we're on an 8 week vacation break (she's away) and I am really struggling today.

I'm sorry you're struggling. I think you're stronger than you think, to go so long! Are you allowed to contact your T while she's away?

Quote:

Originally Posted by AllyIsHopeful

It makes sense you looked for her because of all the recent changes and cutbacks.

I haven't ever looked for or expected my T to be anywhere I go or events I attend. She lives about 30 minutes away from me. There are a few places in the city she resides, that my partner and I visit once in a while. We've always gone to those places though, even before therapy. However...The most recent time was pretty funny now that I recall. We wanted to go to Target and decided to try the one in that area since we were already there. I was happily browsing around in a separate location from my partner and then it hit me where I was. I realized it was a weekend and there was a small chance my T would be there. I had such bad anxiety once I realized that, lol. I tried calming down and continuing to look but I was super jumpy whenever I would feel or see someone nearby. I finally found my partner and clung to him like a wimp. Shortly after I begged him to leave because I couldn't tolerate being on high alert any longer.

The funny part is it was so late.

A little after 10pm, and they closed at 11pm. I know my T and she is pretty much like clockwork with her bedtime. So now I know my stance on running into her in public. It's so irrational.

thanks. I know how you feel. I used to panic about running into my former t at first but it became easier.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ford Puma

No I don't. I am on forever introvert and avoidant of anyone I know.

thanks!

Quote:

Originally Posted by hankster

It makes me kind of sad, for both you and your h and your friends, that you had people there to be with, but you wanted to be with someone else. It seems like no one could "be in the moment" with each other. I may be overidentifying, because i dont think i was special to my h's, or to my mother. But yes, my t has made me feel that way, therapeutically.

I WAS mindful of my h and friends! I didn't go out of my way to look, and I enjoyed the afternoon. It's just that I wished I had run into T there.

I'm sorry you didn't feel special to your h or Mom. You ARE special!

Jul 22, 2014, 06:58 AM

It seems (from previous discussions on these boards) that there are no universal rules about whether Ts are allowed to say hello to clients when they meet outside the therapy room. Different professional organisations have different guidelines, and I think many Ts set their own boundaries based on their own personality. The main thing is not to compromise the client's privacy and confidentiality - I'm suspect that if my T were to meet me in the street, he would not say hello first if I was walking with anybody else, but he does say hi first when I'm on my own. That has happened a couple of times and I'm fine with it (but that's different from seeing each other at an event, I think).

In any case I just wanted to say that I can understand the wish to see your T in a place that has nothing to do with therapy. As long as you still enjoyed the event, I don't think there's a problem with it.

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Do you ever "look" for your T at an event?

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