[rainbow8]

I see that I'm posting more since I'm determined not to email my T until Tuesday, or maybe not even then, but this forum is more real life than my T, so that's the way I'm handling it.

Today I went to an outdoor festival that conceivably my T could have attended. There were many, many people so it's possible she was there. It's by a lake that I go to often, and did so before I started therapy with her.

I had a good time (my H and I went with another couple) but I kept "looking for my T" and wishing I would run into her. I miss her, and thought it would be nice to see her in a place we both like to go. Of course I didn't see her, and I know it's stupid, but I'm a little disappointed. I know the odds are that I wouldn't see her, and maybe she didn't even go, but still...

I don't have the issues RTerroni has about seeing my T in public. My former T and I used to see each other at functions, and I'd go up to her and say "hi", chat for a minute or two, and that was fine. We didn't socialize but we didn't avoid each other either.

If I ran into my T, I know I'd say "hi" and she'd respond. I wouldn't try to follow her around or engage in a long conversation, and I think it would be all right.

I think my "looking for her" is a reaction to my last session. I feel like she rejected me though intellectually I know she's just being a good T, as many of you have pointed out to me. But often our feelings aren't in tune with reality, so here I am, wishing I could run into my T.

I feel like looking on FB or googling her but if I start that, it will escalate. I have things she's written, and I even have photos of her that I took in the office on my phone, and the heart she gave me. I could listen to the recording of the visualization of the beach, too. It's just that those are reminders of the way she "used to be", almost like looking at your old boy-friend's letters or pictures.

I'm trying to follow T's advice; after all, she's the professional. I just wish she'd appear at my front doorstep to say "hi" and smile at me. How ridiculous, I know. What can I do? I feel a lot better than I did right after my session when I posted my first thread, so I'm not desperate. I just can't get T out of my mind!

[stopdog]

No, but I honestly don't think I would recognize her out of context.

I haven't actually physically seen my t in going on 2 years, so I'm not sure I'd recognize her at first if I did by chance see her out in public somehow when I wasn't expecting to. That makes me feel a little sad. Now I must pull up her online profile and look at her picture! I haven't looked in awhile anyway, I wonder if she's changed it??

[Jdog123]

No, I can't say that when I'm out in public that I look for her or hope to bump into her--this doesn't really cross my mind since I feel like our relationship is inside her office and for an occasional walk in the neighborhood around one of her offices. There are certainly times outside of session times when I wish I could see her, but I don't then look for her or think I'll see her. I just more internalize this and sometimes I'll share with her by email that I was feeling like I wish I could see her. I also can ask for a checkin by phone if I really need to make contact and I know that if I ask she'll always say yes, for example after difficult sessions. While I know this offer is always there, I don't ask very often.

[NowhereUSA]

no, but where he lives and works and where i live are so far apart that i'd be shocked to see him out and about. i don't think i've ever thought about running into him outside of his office. like, it just has never occurred to me. i feel odd already because i'm the last appt of the day and i'll see him walking to his car as i'm getting into my car. if i think he sees me i'll wave bye but i try to play with my phone or something so i don't have to glance at him. O.O

Nope, she hasn't changed it. I sorta wish she would.

[PeeJay]

I am constantly keeping an eye out!

[ruiner]

I totally do in places/events where I think they would be at as well. Just knowing they're there would be somewhat comforting. And I get bummed out if I don't see them, so I totally understand.

[clairelisbeth]

Sometimes, but usually only if I'm in the neighborhood where her office is, and if I'm in a place where I know that she sometimes goes. I once ran into her in the Whole Foods right after our session (she was grabbing lunch), so I keep an eye out there. Or if I'm in a place like Starbucks.

Pdoc works as a psych in a hospital in my neighborhood (around the corner from my apt) and I know that she sometimes grabs lunch in places right near me, so I sometimes keep an eye out there, or if I'm near where her office is getting coffee or something.

[clairelisbeth]

Actually, now that I'm thinking about it, whenever I plan to go to a yoga class in a studio that is not my usual, I wonder if my T goes there and how funny it would be if we ever ended up in the same class (T is also a yogi)-now THAT would be weird!

[eskielover]

The T I was seeing when I was in a really bad place in my life was also into dressage horse showing. We both ended up at the first meeting of the local dressage club

After I no longer had her for a T, I had gone to the L A Equestrian center for a dressage clinic.....& she was there. Even though no longer my T at that time.......I actually did go back to her for about 6 months after the trauma I went through with the home care person when my mother was dying of cancer & after my mother died, my current psychologist had back surgery.....& I seriously needed someone to help me process the trauma I went through & she was local to where I lived for the temporary time until my T got back from the leave he had taken......I knew exactly why I didn't continue to go to her....totally invalidating to everything I was dealing with & she didn't take insurance at all. Even though I didn't think that the current psychologist I had been going to was all that great at least better than her even though she was a horse person like me.

[Wren_]

Rain ... have you ever actually talked with your T about what she would do if you did meet like that?

I have done, at a couple of concerts with the kind of music I know he also likes. My home town is not that big so it would not be that strange to see him. It would make me uncomfortable if he were, at least if he also spotted me, so I'm glad I never have. If we did see each other at that kind of event he might say hello and walk past, like any other acquaintance, but I suspect that if he was there in company with anyone else (I usually go to concerts alone but he might not) he wouldn't let on that we knew each other.

[RedSun]

I totally look out for her, and make sure I'm wearing something nice in case I do...
Not that it's at all likely, she lives an hour away from me
So I do understand how you feel, a least a bit. I think maybe cos our Ts know parts of the deep down us, which maybe our SO and friends don't, and we just want to see someone who understands....
or maybe we are just stalkers

[iheartjacques]

Not really. I have bumped into people but I don't think current T lives in my area.

[Parley]

No~ I don't look for her but I was glad to read that I'm not the only one that might not notice her out of context.

[Aloneandafraid]

I have seen mine in the town I live a few times after our session. I smile and rush past but always wish I could stop and talk - but it just doesn't feel right. I am always on the look out for her! I wish I could see her now - we're on an 8 week vacation break (she's away) and I am really struggling today.

[AllyIsHopeful]

It makes sense you looked for her because of all the recent changes and cutbacks.

I haven't ever looked for or expected my T to be anywhere I go or events I attend. She lives about 30 minutes away from me. There are a few places in the city she resides, that my partner and I visit once in a while. We've always gone to those places though, even before therapy. However...The most recent time was pretty funny now that I recall. We wanted to go to Target and decided to try the one in that area since we were already there. I was happily browsing around in a separate location from my partner and then it hit me where I was. I realized it was a weekend and there was a small chance my T would be there. I had such bad anxiety once I realized that, lol. I tried calming down and continuing to look but I was super jumpy whenever I would feel or see someone nearby. I finally found my partner and clung to him like a wimp. Shortly after I begged him to leave because I couldn't tolerate being on high alert any longer.

The funny part is it was so late. A little after 10pm, and they closed at 11pm. I know my T and she is pretty much like clockwork with her bedtime. So now I know my stance on running into her in public. It's so irrational.

[Ford Puma]

No I don't. I am on forever introvert and avoidant of anyone I know.

[unaluna]

It makes me kind of sad, for both you and your h and your friends, that you had people there to be with, but you wanted to be with someone else. It seems like no one could "be in the moment" with each other. I may be overidentifying, because i dont think i was special to my h's, or to my mother. But yes, my t has made me feel that way, therapeutically.

[PeeJay]

Originally Posted by hankster

It makes me kind of sad, for both you and your h and your friends, that you had people there to be with, but you wanted to be with someone else. It seems like no one could "be in the moment" with each other. I may be overidentifying, because i dont think i was special to my h's, or to my mother. But yes, my t has made me feel that way, therapeutically.

I'm sorry you didn't feel special to your H, that seems like an ongoing tragedy.

I don't think Rainbow was saying she'd rather be there with the therapist. Rather, she was hoping to bump into the therapist.

If I were in her shoes and I hadn't seen the therapist in a while, I might hope for the same thing. There's something about the therapist where she has gotten to a place in my life where her presence calms me. So if Rainbow is the same, she just wanted a little dose of T's presence.

I sometimes fantasize about running into T while out with my family. But if it actually happened, I think I'd freeze and then vomit all over someone's shoes.

[Polibeth]

My t mentioned early in my therapy that if we ever ran into each other outside of the office she would have to pretend she didn't know me unless I made the first move to say Hello. We don't live all that close so I was never worried about it but sure enough..

One day I was out with my husband there was t with her husband walking along. I smiled and then ran up to her and hugged her. If you know me, hugging is totally out of the ordinary for me - I NEVER do it. So I have no idea why I did that. Later T texted me "Thanks for the hug. It made my day".

I'm glad she wasn't mad but I felt awkward for doing it but we talked about it next session and haven't hugged since.

Yes, I comfort myself when somewhere busy, imagining I bump into T.

[Puglife]

Yes, I have looked for him at restaurants, breweries or when I'm running because I can easily see him being at any of those things. So far I haven't run into him though.

[Perna]

Heck, I look for T driving/riding in the car within 50 miles of her house/where we met for sessions