[BeGentle]

One thing that has been happening to me while being in therapy is that I am noticing I can't/won't tolerate the people who have been in my life that have not a damn thing to offer. In the past I would socialize with people I really did not like or want to be with because I did not want to be alone; but now I would rather be alone than waste time with shallow people with no depth. People who have nothing that would enhance the relationship. Granted, it does not feel that great being alone a lot, but I cannot withstand dopey, shallow people who walk around with their head up their a*s. Can't do it! They have no desire to grow or expand their minds. They are driven by materialism, pretense, gossip, etc. It feels good to release them and walk in a more fulfilling direction. I just hope I will find some good people to bring into my life. Working on it! Wondering if this is happening to other too.

[coolibrarian]

Sounds like therapy is working! Kudos for doing the hard work!

[Asiablue]

Yes! I am getting much better at recognising people who aren't good for me, who take and never put anything back into the relationship. I also feel better about distancing myself from family who I just don't feel good around.

Like you said, it doesn't feel good that some important but toxic relationships are floundering, but it feels healthy.

I'm trying to connect op user name to tone of post....

[PeeJay]

Originally Posted by BeGentle

. . .They have no desire to grow or expand their minds. They are driven by materialism, pretense, gossip, etc. It feels good to release them and walk in a more fulfilling direction. I just hope I will find some good people to bring into my life. Working on it! Wondering if this is happening to other too.

I totally get this. Such people are toxic and draining and keeping them around leaves no room for the type of people who will feed your soul. Gossipy materialists may grow up or get deeper but I don't stick around to wait for it.

Before I started therapy, I had quality friends. But I kept toxic dysfunctional family members around with some hope that they'd change.

You will attract good people! I've found that outdoorsy people can sometimes be a good place to start, as a passion for the outdoors can filter out the sort of person who wastes time talking negatively about other people.

There are MeetUp groups and other online venues to find such people!

Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people. -- Eleanor Roosevelt


Your therapy seems to be working to help you have more fulfilling relationships!

[iheartjacques]

Originally Posted by _Mouse

I'm trying to connect op user name to tone of post....

Maybe OP means be gentle with him/her, not being gentle with others?

[iheartjacques]

Yes I've noticed a change in my relationships, a few quality ones rather than a lot of fair weather friends.
I even decided to cut ties with my brother after he treated me very badly last year and realized he would never change. It's still very sad though.

[BeGentle]

I appreciate the responses. I've had to let my entire family go, except the eldest. I am I in the process now and it is beyond painful letting go of the fantasy they will improve....never going to happen. They thrive on revenge and create their own misery and now it is trickling down to their children; leave me out of it. Admiting my brother is a sociopath was really crushing. There was no denying the devastation he caused and he is dangerous. The sociopath really is an empty shell. I've also discovered many others in the family have sociopathic tendencies. Lucky me! The book "The Sociopath Next Door" was a good, short read.

PeeJay, discovering the outdoors via walking and hiking has been amazingly beneficial for my soul. It is so theraputic/meditative soaking up nature letting it permeate my body. I find it regulates my mind, which is more than my family or "friends" ever did.
I wish every one goodwill in their healing journey. I am beginning to believe in the law of attraction. I just need to find a new playground. "You Can If You Think You Can" (Norman Vincent Peale).

iheart, "Be Gentle" is meant to convey to be gentle to you and those we cross paths with. There's too much agression in the world today and I just really like the word "gentle". Take care

[Avatar10]

Good for you BeGentle!

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[JustShakey]

I relate to this BG. Some people really are never going to change. Or they will pretend to change for a short while to get something they want. Or, worse again, they will try to make their change your responsibility. There is really no point in having people like this in your life. They will drain you until you are nothing but a shell yourself.

[iheartjacques]

I read a book called "The Dance of Anger". Very useful for me. I don't have to feel guilty about cutting off someone who doesn't treat me well.

[BeGentle]

JustShakey.....Scared but determined......made me smile....just like me!

[JustShakey]

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[Sawyerr]

For me, it's gotten out of control. I cut off all my family and relatives. I moved in another city, and ended relationships with all of my ex ''friends''. I don't have a partner or anyone who I'd call friend. The only person I talk to during the week is my T and my world is very lonesome now.

I hope things turned out better for you.