[OneWorld]

This is from another thread but hoping to get answers with a new thread.

When you tell T that you need to have a conversation about sex, what does your T ask to get the conversation going or to get the info they need to help?

I want to be prepared for what she is likely to ask. I also want to try to not give too much info.

Also, does your T allude to their own sex life? I don't know if I could handle that.

[Perna]

My T follows my lead, does not take the lead. If I were to say I need to talk about sex, she'd either wait until I explained my need further or would say something banal like, "Great! What do you need to say/talk about?"

T does not have the need/desire to talk about sex, you do So, I would make up a little speech about my difficulties with it, why I want to raise the issue, what I want to discuss specifically about it, etc. and give T something to comment/reply to? You are in control, it's your therapy.

[OneWorld]

But do they expect detail? She often asks questions to understand situations and I'm nervous about what she will ask when we start discussing this.

[Leah123]

The level of detail is up to you: Ts often follow the clients lead, but will sometimes use sex-specific language as well to help the client realize this is a normal topic to discuss, not shameful, not traumatic in itself, just human.

So, it's up to you- you could be very vague, and say that X causes you difficulties with "intimacy" - or, you could go middle of the road and talk in clinical terms about the difficulties, or you could be very graphic and specific. You can absolutely talk nuts and bolts in therapy, my therapist uses specific language as well as emotional language, talking about the pleasure and difficulties as well as the individual sex acts, for example, but it's entirely up to my comfort level-

she adjusts to match my needs.

[Perna]

I think getting anxious about "detail" before deciding what exactly we want to talk about about sex just makes us more anxious.

Can you say something like: "I was sexually abused when I was 12 by my mother's boyfriend."? Figure out the most complete sentence you can and then start imagining questions you would ask if someone said it to you (or you read it in a book as a case study if that helps make you feel better).

POSSIBLE TRIGGER!

What exactly was the sexual abuse? Were you raped, groped, did they rub themselves against you, masturbate on you. If you ask the questions of yourself, you can control the situation because you are "both" sides. Then you will be a bit prepared because you will have already asked the question and "heard"/admitted/"know" the answer you want to give.

I was "felt up" from behind by a service worker in my home, pressed up against my back. I was only 10 (sad to think he was trying to get his jollies from a flat-fronted 10 year old? Shows it's not about "sex" but power?) and just knew something "bad" was happening, that he should not be that close to me, that I did not like it, that I was frightened. I never told my stepmother or anyone (was horrified of turmoil and what might happen) and the guy worked for my father so when my father changed job locations and we moved across country, so did the guy! However, he didn't work in my home anymore and I just avoided him like the plague in situations where he was likely to be when I was at my father's work, etc. It affected my later attitudes toward sex and I even had a dream about him 40+ years later where I met him and was taking him to my elderly stepmother in a "remember him?" sort of way.

The kicker is he was the same nationality as my T (non-US native)! When my one, group T, suggested I call my T to be my individual T, the whole "problem" came back and I didn't know what to do/say. It took a good 20+ years before I mentioned it to her.

[IndestructibleGirl]

Interesting question.

I think the idea is that they follow your cues and are alert to what way you want to direct the conversation. Bizarrely, therapy for me has been a place where I have gone backwards and become uncomfortable with talking about sex, despite being relaxed about it elsewhere in life.

[Two89w]

Last Friday night I was at my appointment and I simply said I just want something out of my head, she said off you go and I proceeded to spit out a sexual fantasy I have . It was that easy. I think she thinks I am on the fence

[stopdog]

Sometimes the therapist is a lot more graphic and uses more street terms than I do. I think it is an attempt on her part to do something deliberate. She did once talk about the difference between good porn and bad porn.

My t doesnt have any problem talking about sex or answering questions. Shes had the conversation with so many girls that she is used to it.

[Solepa]

My first T was pretty straight forward and during the third session asked me how is my sex life. I was not prepared for this question so soon so I just said ok.
During following sessions we got to my childhood molestation and other sexual traumas from just talking about my issues. I did not see it as such so I was explaining what happened as it was not a big deal. She the told me I'm in denial of what it was and I'm extremely minimizing it.
And she obviously wanted to talk about it more. When we talked about some physical scars I have from the events she asked a lot of details which was pretty uncomfortable as by the end of it I was describing my private parts. She was talking about it like about anything else but I was so embarrassed!
We did not get to really talk about the details of the events as I did not trust her enough and changed T. Now I'm getting ready to do so with new T.
She is also easy to talk to about sexuality etc. they just talk about it as about anything else.

Neither of my Ts ever talked about their sex life or anything like that ( thank God!)