Therapy isn't a very good substitute for love, is it?

Asiablue · Aug 08, 2014, 12:45 PM

I think your therapist can love you and you them. And that love is real. ( someone remind me I said this next time I post doubt on my therapy relationship) I think the therapy relationship can fill some of your needs but not all. And really that's the same of any personal relationship, no one can fill all your needs, all of the time.
I think therapy can help you come to terms with the love you didn't get from your primary caregivers, it can replace some of the negative experiences or missed experiences in a very boundaried way.
It can teach you how to find and recognise healthy boundaries and support you in finding people who can fill those needs for love, acceptance and belonging. It's healthy to have lots of people who offer us different things and collectively you will find what you need.

InRealLife45 · Aug 08, 2014, 12:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Leah123

Joseph Burgo, PhD, has spent 30 years practicing psychotherapy. I love some of what he has to say about love in therapy:

Attachment Theory and the Healing Psychotherapy Relationship

Remember: it is the strength of the therapeutic alliance which has been proven to be the best predictor of success.

....i like this guy. he makes sense.

glitterrosez89 · Aug 08, 2014, 01:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Leah123

Massage and therapy are actually both excellent forms of self-care. (I'll accept the caveat that it's not idea to only use these forms of care, that building relationships is also really important but like someone else said, no need for this to be an either/or dilemma.) Nothing wrong with hiring a masseuse or a therapist to receive nurturing. I hope you'll start feeling comfortable enough with your weight to try massage again if it helped you before. I'm overweight too but so are many massage clients and it's never come up as an issue. I find it very helpful.

Well I went to a massage therapist a year ago, and while it was a very nice experience and basically exactly what I needed, I was unbelievably uncomfortable most of the time because of my body size. I was both relaxed and ready to run from the room screaming lol. I found a Groupon several months ago for a massage group in the area and thought it would motivate me to lose weight before the deal expired, but it didn't. I especially wasn't comfortable going there because the massage therapists are also personal trainers, so they're big into fitness.

My food addiction is one of the many things I want to discuss with a therapist if I can ever get over the fact that I don't want my dad to know I'm going and go see one.

I am not in the morbidly obese category or anything, but I am quite overweight and carry my weight terribly. I haven't stepped on a scale in months, but last I checked I was at 148 lbs, which is quite heavy for someone who is 5 feet tall.

nicoleflynn · Aug 08, 2014, 01:50 PM

It will sound like a cliche. There are TONS of lonely, needy people out there (I am one). However, there is something that can be done about it. We need to take ourselves......out of ourselves and focus on someone/something else.....such as volunteering at a soup kitchen, shelter, nursing home,,,,etc., these are all people in desperate need of someone to love and care for them ......try that; you won't need a t......also get a pet...unconditional love there.

In other words, if we want love, we have to give it.

If you still do, it is NEVER stupid to get help.

ScarletPimpernel · Aug 08, 2014, 01:55 PM

This is actually the main reason I go to therapy, and my T agrees it's the main thing I need.

I need someone in MY corner. Someone who will listen, talk, explain, support, encourage, kick my butt, and comfort me. I need a place to feel safe. I need someone who will let me just be me: strengths and weaknesses.

I do happen to learn a lot from therapy also, but for me the education/skills is secondary to the support.

Leah123 · Aug 08, 2014, 02:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by glitterrosez89

Well I went to a massage therapist a year ago, and while it was a very nice experience and basically exactly what I needed, I was unbelievably uncomfortable most of the time because of my body size. I was both relaxed and ready to run from the room screaming lol. I found a Groupon several months ago for a massage group in the area and thought it would motivate me to lose weight before the deal expired, but it didn't. I especially wasn't comfortable going there because the massage therapists are also personal trainers, so they're big into fitness.

My food addiction is one of the many things I want to discuss with a therapist if I can ever get over the fact that I don't want my dad to know I'm going and go see one.

I am not in the morbidly obese category or anything, but I am quite overweight and carry my weight terribly. I haven't stepped on a scale in months, but last I checked I was at 148 lbs, which is quite heavy for someone who is 5 feet tall.

You're right: 148 is certainly not morbidly obese at 5 feet. Heavy, sure, not atypically so. Please know that massage therapists work with clients your size every day. I go to a large spa for my massages and often sit in the waiting room. I'd say 50% of the clients are similarly heavy for their height. And I'm one of them, 4'11 myself and weigh more than you.

It's really important to learn to love your body and take the best care you can. I know that can seem daunting, but goodness, I hope you won't tell yourself lies about being too fat for massage.

You know, the better care you take, the easier it is to address things like eating habits and such, too, if that's indeed something you decide to work on.

glitterrosez89 · Aug 08, 2014, 03:08 PM

I just got Invisalign (the clear braces), so my hope is they will force me to lose weight. I have to remove and clean them every time I eat or drink anything other than water, so I think they will make me eat less. They also won't work at all if I have them out half of the day because I am spending all of my time eating, which would suck because they're expensive as heck. If I can lose 20 lbs, then I will go for a massage.

Leah123 · Aug 08, 2014, 03:11 PM

Why would you do that to yourself? Not take care of yourself because you weigh a certain amount? Would you say that to someone else? Like to a friend- "Sorry, you're too fat for a massage?"

glitterrosez89 · Aug 08, 2014, 03:12 PM

No, but I wouldn't tell a friend to get a massage if he or she was uncomfortable with going.

Leah123 · Aug 08, 2014, 03:17 PM

To say we're not good enough for something is hurtful.

You're plenty good enough to have a massage right now: the work, it seems to me, is to accept yourself. Or do you think you'll only be acceptable at 128 and don't deserve good treatment unless the scale reads that number?

glitterrosez89 · Aug 08, 2014, 03:19 PM

I just don't want to now.

Lauliza · Aug 08, 2014, 03:50 PM

I understand that your dad doesn't think therapy is a good idea and will tell you that, but if that's all he does then can you agree to disagree and go anyway?

glitterrosez89 · Aug 08, 2014, 04:03 PM

I dunno, I'm not sure. I just don't want anybody to know. I'll think about it.

Teacake · Aug 08, 2014, 04:52 PM

Therapy Is love. I love my therapist. What she does Is love.

You aren't any more pathetically needy than the rest of humanity. Everything we do Is to get love or to feel love. Love hunger motivates every Human endeavor.

Accept that you are really really normal to want to be loved. You legitimately need to be loved. We all do. It Is horribly painful not to be loved, or to feel unloved.

The only reason we feel it Is shameful or wrong to want love Is...Its free...and thinking we are supposed to be and feel whole without love, which Is free, fuels the consumer economy.

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